Jussie Smollett… Chris Redd
Lee Daniels… Kenan McKinnon
Manager… Sandra Oh
Kate McKinnon
Ego Nwodim
Mikey Day
[Starts with meeting hall of Empire Fox]
Kate McKinnon: Look, the bottom line is, we don’t want to work with your client anymore.
Manager: Just give Jussie another chance.
[Cut to Mikey, Kate and Ego]
Ego Nwodim: Why? He doesn’t care about this job anymore.
Kate McKinnon: He’s two hours late for this meeting.
Mikey Day: I mean, not to mention, what he’s already put us through.
[Cut to manager]
Manager: Jussie Smollett was a victim.
Ego Nwodim: Oh, please!
[Cut to manager and Lee]
Manager: Mr. Daniels. I have represented Jussie his entire career. I am sure there is a very reasonable explanation for he is so late right now.
Lee Daniels: Well I just hope it’s not some crazy excuse.
[Cut to Jussie enters the room]
Jussie Smollett: I’m so sorry I’m late.
Manager: Oh my god. Are you okay?
[Cut to everybody]
Jussie Smollett: Guys, you’re not going to believe what just happened to me.
Ego Nwodim: Not again!
Kate McKinnon: Really?
[Cut to Jussie Smollett]
Jussie Smollett: I know what you’re thinking but it’s not that.
[Cut to Lee Daniels]
Lee Daniels: Okay, so what is it?
[Cut to Jussie and manager]
Jussie Smollett: I got attacked again.
[Cut to Mikey, Kate and Ego]
Kate McKinnon: That’s exactly what we were thinking, Jussie.
[Cut to Jussie and manager]
Jussie Smollett: Oh, okay good, so you believe me.
[Cut to Mikey, Kate and Ego]
Ego Nwodim: No!
Mikey Day: What is wrong with you, man?
[Cut to Jussie Smollett]
Jussie Smollett: I just told you I was attacked.
[Cut to Mikey, Kate and Ego]
Ego Nwodim: He meant mentally, Jussie.
Manager: Mr. Daniels, [Cut to Lee, Jussie and his manager] can I have a word with my Client for a second.
Lee Daniels: Yeah, I think you should.
[Cut to manager and Jussie]
Manager: Jussie–
Jussie Smollett: Don’t worry. I got some hits in too, I’m still the gay Tupac.
Manager: Nobody knows what that means. You can see why this story is hard to believe, right?
Jussie Smollett: Great, my old man doesn’t believe me. [Jussie looks at the bag in his hand] Wait, what the –
Manager: Jussie, what is that?
Jussie Smollett: I think it’s a bag of clues?
Manager: No, Jussie, don’t.
Jussie Smollett: Hang on. Look guys, the killer left me a bunch of clues.
[Cut to Mikey and Kate]
Kate McKinnon: What killer?
Mikey Day: You’re still alive, Jussie.
[Cut to manager and Jussie]
Jussie Smollett: It’s only because I fought back because I’m the gay Mike Tyson.
[Cut to Mikey, Kate and Ego]
Ego Nwodim: You see what I mean, we can’t keep this guy around.
[Cut to manager and Jussie]
Jussie Smollett: Wait, let’s just see what’s in here first. Crest white strips. Wow, what do you think that means?
[Cut to Ego Nwodim]
Ego Nwodim: I don’t know. Maybe it’s because you’re black.
[Cut to manager and Jussie]
Jussie Smollett: Yo, you think it’s racial? Damn!
Manager: Jussie, please, stop.
Jussie Smollett: Shh, there’s more. [Taking letters ‘K’ out from the bag] A ‘K’. Another ‘K’. Three ‘K’s. Like what do you think that means?
[Cut to Mikey and Kate]
Mikey Day: It’s probably the Ku Klux Klan. Jussie.
[Cut to manager and Jussie]
Jussie Smollett: Really? I thought that was a myth.
[Cut to Lee Daniels]
Lee Daniels: Jussie!
[Cut to manager and Jussie]
Jussie Smollett: Hang on, there’s more stuff. Oh, a receipt, I need that. Car keys, definitely need those. Oh, a teletubby. And it’s the gay one!
[Cut to Lee Daniels]
Lee Daniels: Jussie, this is absolutely ridiculous.
[Cut to Jussie Smollett]
Jussie Smollett: But, I’m telling the truth, I was attacked.
[Cut to Kate McKinnon]
Kate McKinnon: Okay, I guess we should just call the police then.
[Cut to Jussie Smollett]
Jussie Smollett: No, no, no, no, they said I can never call again. That’s part of the deal.
[Cut to Lee Daniels]
Lee Daniels: Jussie, you know we’ve got to fire you, right?
[Cut to Jussie Smollett]
Jussie Smollett: What? You can’t fire me. I made this show, man! I am the gay Lee Daniels.
[Cut to Lee Daniels]
Lee Daniels: Jussie, I am the gay Lee Daniels.
[Cut to Jussie Smollett]
Jussie Smollett: Right, I guess it’s just [Cut to manager and Jussie] you and me then.
Manager: No, I’m firing you.
Jussie Smollett: Okay, fine. I guess I will just be on my way then. [Jussie Smollett leaves the room]
[Cut to everybody]
Lee Daniels: Oh, that was pretty rough.
Kate McKinnon: Yikes. [Cut to Mikey, Kate and Ego] Well, you did the right thing, Lee.
Ego Nwodim: Yeah. You definitely did.
[Cut to manager]
Manager: No, I just hope he gets the help he needs.
[Jussie Smollet enters the room again with a neck bandage on]
Jussie Smollett: Guys, oh, my god.
[Cut to everybody]
Lee Daniels: Oh, come on man!
Jussie Smollett: You’re not going to believe what happened to me this time!
Lee Daniels: Jussie, go home! Just go home!