Kyle Vs Kanye

Kyle Mooney

Beck Bennett

[Starts with video clips of Kyle in his daily life]

Kyle narrating: Yes, I’m nervous. Of course I’m nervous. But it’s like, this is the thing I’ve wanted my whole life.

[Cut to Kyle preparing for the show]

Kyle: [rapping] Man, I wear MCs like a sandal
blow them out, be gone, flame from the candle

Kyle narrating: When I’m rhyming, when I’m rapping, that’s me. I mean this is what I’ve been working for. This is what I’ve been building towards, and if I don’t try now, when will I try?

[Cut to Kyle on TV show]

Kyle: This week is exciting though. With Kanye on and I’m a big fan. This week I think I wanna freestyle battle him.

Male TV Host: That’s very gutsy.

Female TV Host: That is gutsy.

Kyle narrating: I feel like a lot of people are wondering like, why are you focusing on this? My goal here is for people all over the world to look at me and just go like, “Wait a second. That’s hiphop.”

[Cut to video clip of Kyle rapping when he was just a kid.]

Hiphop culture has always been so important to me. I even taught myself how to break dance. And I was good. Like, really, really, really, really, really good. Here I am, a kid, moonwalking.  So, I’m doing albums, music videos, thinking this is what I’m gonna do for the rest of my life, it’s all finally happening. And then, this is where it’s not easy. Then I got hired by Saturday Night Live. And I have no idea what I’m doing out there.

[Cut to video clips of old SNL videos of Kyle Mooney]

I’m lost. I’m scared. I’d feel like everybody’s thinking, “Wait, he’s not a rapper.”

It’s like when people see me, they see, “Oh, he’s this white nerdy guy.” Sort of heartthrob, who’s like on the rise maybe. But that doesn’t matter. The real reason I’m here is to become the greatest rapper alive. And I think I can do that by beating Kanye West in a battle. Freestyle battle. Kanye West, man that stinks, grab a mint!  What is that? Your Kanye breath? Wow! That’s actually dope.

[Cut to a video clip of Kyle talking to Beck in a wedding ceremony.]

Kyle: Beck.

Beck: What’s up?

Kyle: I think it’s going to happen. I think I’m about to battle Kanye.

Beck: No. I don’t think that’s a good idea, man.

[Cut to Kyle]

Kyle narrating: Here we go.

[Cut to Kyle approaching Kanye at SNL studio]

Kyle: Kanye, I’m gonna battle you.

Kanye: Huh?

Kyle: Kanye West, you knew–

Kanye West, you need a mint for you Kanye breath
and when I’m done with you, there should be no Kanye left
and are you gonna say anything?
No, I guess not, coz it seems like I’m the catcher
You’ve just been caught,
taught, like I’m a teacher with lesson

Kanye: I miss the old Kanye
trap up the soul Kanye
straight from the G.O.A.T Kanye
ill with the flow Kanye
I hate the new Kanye
the always rude Kanye
the bad mood Kanye
spazzing the news Kanye
I miss the old Kanye
kicking the flows Kanye
Where are the props at yet?
I miss the old Kanye
we know we love Kanye
You used to love Kanye
You had that pink pullover
You thought you was Kanye
we still love Kanye
that’s all it was, Kanye
well guess what? I love you like Kanye loves Kanye

[Kanye turns around leaves]

Kyle narrating: Well, that was the biggest mistake of my life. I just destroyed Kanye in a rap battle and now he’s probably really sad. Well, at least my career’s on fire! Yes! Do it the!

[The End]