Donald Trump… Alec Baldwin
Kellyanne Conway… Kate McKinnon
Mrs. Lemen… Aidy Bryant
Seth… Pete Davidson
John… Kyle Mooney
Bobby Moynihan[Starts with Mrs. Lemen in her class with students]
Mrs. Lemen: And that is another example of how Felker influenced Latin American literature. [message alert] Seth, I thought I told you to turn off your phone.
Seth: I’m sorry, Mrs. Lemen. I think someone retweeted me.
Mrs. Lemen: Seth, you’re just random kid in high school. Who would retweet you?[Cut to Trump Tower]
Donald Trump: Kellyanne, I just retweeted the best tweet. I mean wow, what a great, smart tweet.
Kenan: Mr. Trump, we’re in a security briefing.
Donald Trump: I know, but this could not wait. It was from a young man named Seth. He’s 16, he’s in high school and I really did retweet him. Seriously. This is real.
Kellyanne Conway: He really did do this.
Kenan: Well, sir, you’re the president elect, so I guess you can do whatever you want but we’d really like to fill you in on Syria.
Donald Trump: God! Seth seems so cool. His twitter bio says he wants to make America great again.
Alex: That is cool, sir.
Donald Trump: It also says, he loves the Anaheim Ducks.
Kellyanne Conway: Okay, see, there is a reason actually Donald retweets so much. He does it to distract the media from his business conflicts and all the very scary people in his cabinet.
Kenan: Oh. That does make sense.
Alex: Very clever sir.
Donald Trump: Actually, that’s not why I do. I do it because my brain is bad. But I promise I’m done retweeting. I’m ready to buckle down and get to work.[two minutes later] [Cut to Melissa and John watching TV sitting on a couch]
Melissa: John, you’re not even watching the show.
John: Ay, sorry babe. You know I love to tweet. And you’ve seen my new profile picture? It’s a skull with two big guns going through his head. And then the infidel written above it.
Melissa: Babe, that’s psycho. You’re only gonna attract psychos.[message alert]
John: Whoa, I just got retweeted.
Melissa: By who?[Cut to Donald Trump and Kellyanne Conway]
Donald Trump: Oops, I did it again.
Kenan: Mr. Trump. Please stop retweeting all these random real people. You’re not getting any work done.
Donald Trump: It’s not true. I was elected 25 days ago, and already unemployment is at a 9 year low. Millions and millions people have health care. And Osama Bin Laden is dead.
Kellyanne Conway: Yes. Yes. He is dead. Just like my soul and all of my hair.
Donald Trump: But next. I am going to do what I promised my whole campaign and I am going to build that swamp.
Kellyanne Conway: Okay. Don’t you mean drain the swamp and build the wall?
Donald Trump: No. That’s too many things. Just smoosh them together. Smoosh. Smoosh. Wait a minute. Is that the– at the end of the table, is that the picture of me that I hate? The one that the press is always using where I look so ugly? What is that picture doing in here?
Kellyanne Conway: Oh, no. That’s actually– that’s just a plate of mashed potatoes, sir.
Donald Trump: Oh!
Kenan: Mr. Trump. Your security briefing is incredibly important.
Donald Trump: You’re right. I’m sorry. [puts the phone down on his desk] You have my undivided attention.[10 seconds later] [Cut to Vanessa and Bobby at a restaurant]
Vanessa: I’m so glad we’re finally on this date. I got to say, you look exactly like your picture on twitter.
Vanessa: So, tell me about your twitter bio.
Bobby: It says, “Liberalism is a mental illness.”[message alert]
Whoa! I just got retweeted.
Vanessa: By who?[Cut to Donald Trump and Kellyanne Conway. Donald Trump is blowing the blow horn.]
Donald Trump: Another great retweet.
Alex: Oh, jeez. Um, Mr. Trump, please, let’s get to work, okay? This is an extremely dangerous world. Pakistan is increasingly unstable.
Donald Trump: Should I call them?
Kellyanne Conway: No.
Alex: North Korea is still doing nuclear tests.
Donald Trump: Should I text them?
Kellyanne Conway: No.
Alex: And Iran is incredibly volatile.
Donald Trump: Should I have Ivanka send them some shoes?
Kellyanne Conway: Maybe.
Alex: Sir, okay, I hate to be rude but this is insane. Alright? Your inauguration is just seven weeks away.[Kenan screams as he got scared]
Kenan: Sorry. I just hadn’t heard that put in weeks before.
Kellyanne Conway: Plus, sir, we need to get moving because you have that dinner with Mitt Romney tonight.
Donald Trump: Oh! Do I have to?
Kellyanne Conway: Yes, sir.
Donald Trump: Well, then can we at least have a picture of us together where he looks like a little bitch?
Kellyanne Conway: Yes.
Donald Trump: Okay. [puts his phone down on his desk] I’m ready to start this briefing.
Kellyanne Conway: Okay.
Donald Trump: Wait. Where is my chief strategist Steve Bannon? I can’t start without Steve Bannon
Kellyanne Conway: He’s walking in right now.[Steve Bannon walks in. He is portrayed as a Grim Reaper.
Steve Bannon: Sorry, I am late.
Donald Trump: It’s okay, Steve. You look great.
Donald Trump and Steve Bannon: And live from New York, it’s Saturday night.