Tag: Kenan

Kenan & Kelly

[Starts with Kenan being interviewed]

Man: So how did this all come about?

Kenan narrating: It all happens so fast.

[Cut to one week ago. Keke Palmer visits Kenan]

Keke: Oh, Kenan Thompson, the legend.

Kenan: Keke, you having fun?

Keke: Yes, I’m working with my idols.

Kenan: Oh, stop it.

Keke: No, no, seriously, man, I grew up watching you as a kid. I’ve always wanted to work with you. I’ve actually got an idea for this project. I’d love to talk to you about later if that’s cool.

Kenan: Absolutely. Anything with Keke Palmer’s name on it, I’m there no questions asked.

Keke: For real? Because I got this idea for reboot.

Kenan: A reboot? Of what?

[cut to Kenan and Kelly show intro with Kenan Thompson and Keke Palmer as Kelly]

[Cut to Kenan at interview]

Kenan narrating: I should have asked questions. I thought it was gonna be a Jordan Peele produce streaming series. I want to say yes to Kenan & Kel. But now it’s just Kelly.

Keke narrating: I had already sold the show before I even met Kennan. I told the producers we wrote it together.

[Cut to Kenan and Kelly show]

Kelly: Ha-ha. With this place in the shake on kin, because of me, Rigby now sells fresh sushi.

Kenan: Yeah, maybe too fresh.

Mikey: Kelly. I think that salmon you caught might be a Parana. [a fish is biting Mikey’s hand]

Kelly: Oh-oh, here comes the bus.

Kenan narrating: Kel’s famous catchphrase was “Oh, here it goes.” Keke decided to say “Oh, here comes the bus.” But there were no bus.

[Cut to Kenan and Kelly show]

Kenan: Come on, Kelly. You can’t keep taking orange sodas.

Kelly: Just put it on my tab. I’m good for it.

Kenan: Okay. [pulls out a really long list of Kelly’s list] $5,000 with the orange sodas Kelly?

Kelly: Don’t yell at me. Because guess what? I’m pregnant with your child.

Kenan narrating: Keke was gunning for an Emmy Award. So she wanted really dramatic moments in it. And I thought that won’t work. And I was right.

[Cut to Kenan and Kelly show]

Mikey: Hey, Kelly, did you fix the Shush-O machine?

Kelly: Yeah. Good as new. Try out, Kenan.

Kenan: Don’t mind if I do. I’ve been craving a delicious Slush-O for weeks now. [smoke’s coming out of the machine] That seems odd. [the juice pours all over Kenan] No! Kelly, why would you tell me it is fixed. You are such an…

Kelly: What? An idiot? Go ahead. Say it. It ain’t like I haven’t heard it before. My mama used to get drunk every day and call me idiot. That’s what it’s like growing up in Iraq. Sometimes the bottle’s only your friend. My uncle told her to blame me for my daddy leaving. Me! How are you gonna blame a little girl for that man being a coward? How? Oh-oh, here comes the bus.

Kenan narrating: Well, we discarded and I think we have a tone issue. But people seem excited about it, I guess.

[Cut to backstage]

Devon: Hey Kenan.

Kenan: Hey Devin. Good job on the song man.

Devon: Thank you man. I can do other stuff too though. Check this out. [Devon acting like Kel] Welcome to get back home and again Barry Buchanan take your order. I’m a dude. He’s a dude. She’s a dude. Because we’re all dudes. Ay. Stuff like that.

Kenan: Well thank you Devin.

Devon: Of course.

Kenan: But I think we already found someone.

[Cut to Kenan and Kelly show. Kel walks in.]

Kel: Hey, everybody.

All: Kel!

Kel: Oh man, I missed you.

Kenan: Oh man, I missed you too.

[Kenan and Kel open their arms. Kel runs with his open arms, but reaches for soda fridge.]

Kel: Oh, who love orange soda? Kel loves orange soda. Oh sweet baby.

Kenan: Kel, it’s been so long man. What’s you been up to?

[James walks in wearing all black]

James: Hands up, everybody. This is a robbery. Give me all the money in the register.

Kel: Oh, no, you’re not still gonna dime, Mr. Robber. Kenan, you’ve been wondering where I’ve been at right? I’ve been learning the art of karate. Going for this Kel, fool!

[Kel jumps at James. James shoots at Kel.]

Kel: Ah!

Kenan: No.

Kelly: Kel! Oh, don’t die on me.

Kenan: Don’t go into the light.

Kelly: My baby needs his father. You heard that right, Kenan? Kel’s the father. I slept with him just to hurt you. Why do I hurt the ones I love the most? Oh-oh, here comes the bus.

Kel: Ah, here it goes.

[Kel dies]

Kenan: Noooooo!

Kenan narrating: The show is not good. But Jordan Peele called us.

Devon: He wants us to do a sequel to Nope.

Weekend Update Mitch McConnell and Herschel Walker on 2022 Midterms

Michael Che

Mitch McConnell… James Austin Johnson

Herschel Walker… Kenan Thompson

[Starts with Michael Che in his set]

Michael Che: Last month, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell expressed concern about Republicans chances in the midterms blaming candidate quality. Here to explain what he meant is Mitch McConnell and Georgia Senate candidate Herschel Walker.

[Mitch McConnell and Herschel Walker slide in]

Mitch McConnell: Alright Che. Pleasure, pleasure.

Herschel Walker: Yeah, let’s go team. Alright.

Michael Che: So Herschel, you’re a former NFL player?

Herschel Walker: Yes.

Michael Che: With no political experience.

Herschel Walker: That’s right.

Michael Che: And you were caught lying about having three secret children?

Herschel Walker: Yes, sir.

Michael Che: So Senator McConnell, do you really think this guy’s ready to be a senator?

Mitch McConnell: It doesn’t matter what I think. It matters what I say and I’d say go Herschel Walker.

Herschel Walker: Ay, well, I love you too, Mitch Mechanic. You see, we not so different. Me and Mint are like two peas in a bag.

Mitch McConnell: All right, well, Herschel, you already said some pretty bizarre things that they’ve got some Republicans worried. I mean, for example, you said “Our good air decided to float over to China’s bad air. So when China gets our good air, the bad air got to move out.” What does that mean?

Herschel Walker: Oh, Che. I’ll slow down so you can understand. We all know air, right? Air bud, Air Jordan, Erin Brockovich.

Mitch McConnell: Indeed.

Herschel Walker: You see, science don’t understand. Everybody’s talking about climate. But what we really should be focusing on is putting Hawaii closer.

Mitch McConnell: Oh, yeah.

Herschel Walker: Bring that climate over here.

Mitch McConnell: That’s a good idea. How about that?

Herschel Walker: They don’t need it. They live. So, that’s something we need to look at very, very closely. Right Bish?

Mitch McConnell: Right. It’s Mitch.

Herschel Walker: Yeah, that’s exactly.

Mitch McConnell: Yeah.

Michael Che: Okay, well, Senator McConnell, I gotta ask. What qualification does this guy actually have to be in the Senate?

Mitch McConnell: There’s too many to name. First of all, he played football. And Georgia loves football.

Herschel Walker: Everybody loves football, baseball. In fact, man, catching balls is what makes us different from apes. Okay?

Mitch McConnell: That’s right.

Herschel Walker: Listen, if we come from apes, why are there still apes out there? Riddle me that Obama Michelle.

Michael Che: What are you talking about? Do you have any real policy proposals?

Herschel Walker: Of course, I do. You know what I wrote a few down for Mitchell on the way over here. Here, go ahead. Read that data. Mitch.

Mitch McConnell: Sure. Proposal number one, barbecue Tuesday.

Herschel Walker: There it is.

Mitch McConnell: Number two, let’s get a daytime moon, that way no more rain.

Herschel Walker: Boom.

Mitch McConnell: And number three, create a department of Instagram booty. Too many girls out here faking their cake.

Herschel Walker: You’re damn right.

Mitch McConnell: You know what? You know what, Herschel? Why don’t you just tell them about yourself?

Herschel Walker: Oh, okay. Yeah, thank you Stitch. I don’t mind if I do. Where’s my camera? Is it down here?

Michael Che: No, it’s right there, man. It’s there.

Herschel Walker: Oh, okay. Hi, America. My name is Herschel Bershell. And I play football for the US Senate. Whenever I’m in hard times, I think of the strength of our founding fathers. George Carver Washington, the Jeffersons, and Benjamin Frankenstein. They changed the world when they got together and wrote the Bible. And when I’m the government, we gonna see. Thank you.

Michael Che: Okay, Mitch McConnell and Herschel Walker, everybody.

Herschel Walker: We’re gonna be looking into that.

Career Retropective

Cecily Strong

Martin Hamill… Larry David

Beck Bennett

Doug… Mikey Day

Alex Moffat

Luke Null

Kenan

[Starts with Cecily speaking]

Cecily: Welcome to the ad council’s annual awards dinner. And judging by the bar tab, you are enjoying yourselves. Tonight, we are proud to present the AC Anderson Lifetime Achievement award in advertising to a man who let us know that when it came to McDonald’s, we’re loving it. And asked that famous question, got milk? I’m speaking of course about Martin Hamill.

[applause]

Martin Hamill: Thank you. Thank you. It’s a tremendous honor to be here.

Cecily: After dinner, we’ll take a look at some of the amazing ad campaigns he created. But before we eat, we thought we could look at some of his earlier works. He got his start by creating a series of public service announcements in the early 80s known as the smart choices campaign that warned teens about the dangers of drugs, alcohol and other issues.

Martin Hamill: Wow, you guys really did your research. Yeah, I was really proud of those. We helped a lot of kids.

Cecily: Let’s take a look now at a few of those ground breaking PSAs.

[Cut to the ad video. Beck is smoking a cigarette while Doug walks in]

Beck: Hey, Doug. You want a cigarette? [Doug looks away] Oh, come on! Don’t be a baby. It’s cool. Try it.

Doug: Smoking? No way! That’s gay!

[Doug pushes Beck and walks away]

Female voice: If someone pressures you to smoke, just say, “No way, that’s gay.”

[Cut to Martin Hamill]

Martin Hamill: Hah! I had forgot about the tag line on that. You know, it was a different time. The word gay was very common with kids. It just kind of meant bad. You know, that hat is gay. Your car is gay. School’s gay. You guys understand what I’m talking about, right?

[Cut to the public. They’re shaking their heads no.]

[Cut to Cecily and Martin Hamill]

Cecily: Well, after you encouraged young people to say, “No way, that’s gay”–

Martin Hamill: You don’t have to put it like that.

Cecily: You warned them about the dangers of bullying. Let’s take a look.

[Cut to the ad video. Doug and Alex are laughing. Alex is on a wheelchair. Luke walks in.]

Luke: Doug? [pointing at Alex] Why are you hanging out with him? He can’t even walk.

Doug: Yeah? Well, I can. And I’m walking away… from you.

Alex: Actually, let’s roll.

[Doug pushes Alex’s wheelchair and they leave]

Female voice: Making fun of someone with disability is retarded.

[Cut to Martin Hamill]

Martin Hamill: Okay, um, obviously the ending doesn’t hold up. That word again. It was very common. Hey! Should we eat? Let’s eat.

[Cut to Cecily and Martin Hamill]

Cecily: You know, the dinner isn’t quite ready yet, I’m afraid. We were going to show the anti-drinking PSA with the interracial couple. But if you’d rather wait for the food–

Martin Hamill: No, no, no. That’s great. The interracial couple. Yes. That’s a good one. Play that one.

[Cut to the ad video. Doug wakes up with a hangover.]

Doug: OH! I drank so much last night. I’m so hungover.

[Kenan wakes up by his side. He is a black male person.]

Kenan: Ooh, me too!

Female voice: When you drink, your chances of making a good decision are smaller than a midget.

[Cut to Martin Hamill and Chris. Chris is a black person sitting beside Martin Hamill who is staring at him. The crowd is booing.]

Martin Hamill: I’m feeling very– I’m feeling very sick. Very sick. I need to go. [to Chris] Call an ambulance.

Chris: You’re not sick. Shame on you.

[Chris leaves]

[Cut to Cecily and Martin Hamill]

Martin Hamill: Come on! Can we see some of my more recent work?

Cecily: Yes, yes. With pleasure. Your first big commercial campaign paired a beloved snack with a beloved entertainer. I’m speaking of course about Jello and your good friend, Bill Cosby. Let’s take a look.

[The End]

State Meeting | Season 44 Episode 12

Kenan

Glen… Pete Davidson

Tom… Beck Bennett

Barbara… Cecily Strong

Phil… Mikey Day

Kyle Mooney

Alex Moffat

Halsey

[Starts with a clip of Virginia State Capitol]

Kenan: All right, so we’re all in agreement that the lieutenant [Cut to Kenan speaking] governor should be encouraged to step down? [Cut to everybody nodding their heads agreeing] All right. Then it’s settled. [Cut to Kenan] One more quick thing before we get out of here. As you all know, earlier this week our governor admitted to wearing blackface in college as part of a costume. [Cut to everybody listening] Then later the Attorney General [Cut to Kenan] also admitted to wearing blackface in college for a costume. [Cut to everybody listening] It’s extremely [Cut to Kenan] embarrassing to the state and as chair of the ethics committee I have to ask, has anybody else worn blackface in college? Anybody? This is completely off the record. So tell me now so we can get ahead of this. [Cut to everybody. Glen raises his hand.] Yes, Glen.

Glen: You going to get mad?

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: No, I’m not gonna get mad. I just need to know now, did you wear black face in college, Glen? [Cut to Glen. Glen lowers his head] [Cut to Kenan] Is that a yes, Glen? [Cut to Glen. Glen nods] [Cut to Kenan] It’s okay. Who did you dress up as, Glen?

[Cut to Glen]

Glen: Mr. T.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: Okay. See, I didn’t get mad. Did you take pictures, Glen? [Cut to Glen. Glen lowers his head] [Cut to Kenan] So you did. Well that’s not good. But you did the right thing coming forward.

[Cut to everybody. Tom raises his hand.]

Tom: I have a question. [Cut to Tom] What if the blackface was just part of your costume of a black person?

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: You see Tom, that’s exactly the kind of thing that we’re looking for today. [Cut to everybody. Barbara raises her hand.] Yes, Barbara.

Barbara: Does it still count [Cut to Barbara Glen and Phil] if you did it all the way back in the 80s.

Phil: Of course not. It was funny and cool in the 80s.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: Nope, I’m going to stop you right there, Phil. It does still count and it was never funny or cool. Okay, anybody else?

[Cut to everybody. Kyle raises his hand.]

Kyle Mooney: I have a question.

Kenan: Yeah, go ahead.

Kyle Mooney: What if you wore [Cut to Kyle] the blackface as a tribute like a homage to your hero.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: Who is your hero?

[Cut to Kyle]

Kyle Mooney: Al Jolson.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: Okay, well, I would file that as very, very wrong. People, we are elected state officials. We can’t having this piled up.

[Cut to Kyle]

Kyle Mooney: But it was the 80s!

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean, dude.

[Cut to Phil]

Phil: What if I dressed in black booty.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: Black booty?

[Cut to Phil]

Phil: Yeah, like one time in college, part of my costume was a big old black booty.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: I am really confused. How could anybody tell it was a black booty?

[Cut to Phil]

Phil: Because I was wearing shoe polish on my face.

Kenan: Now see, [Cut to Kenan] the shoe polish, yes, was obviously wrong. [Cut to Alex raising his hand] What?

Alex Moffat: What if you were just goofing around with your friends?

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: Still wrong.

[Cut to Alex]

Alex Moffat: Okay, but what if it was part of your costume of a black person?

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: I just answered that.

[Cut to Tom]

Tom: But, but what if the costume won a contest?

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: What was the contest?

[Cut to Tom]

Tom: Blackest face.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: Am I in hell?

[Cut to Glen]

Glen: Hey, you said you weren’t going to get mad.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: I am not mad. I just didn’t think this would be so complicated.

[Cut to Barbara]

Barbara: But what if I wore black face for a costume of a black woman?

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: It’s still bad. It’s the same bad. It’s the same bad. Is that what you did?

[Cut to Barbara]

Barbara: Oh no, I was fat Al Sharpton.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: Why did you even ask?

[Cut to Barbara]

Barbara: For next time.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: There’s not going to be a next time.

[Cut to Kyle, Glen, Barbara and Phil]

Kyle Mooney: Yeah, Barbara. It’s not the 80s anymore.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: It wasn’t okay in the 80s.

[Cut to Kyle, Glen, Barbara and Phil]

Glen: See, he’s getting mad now.

Kenan: I’m not mad! [Cut to Kenan] Look, is there anybody else?

[Cut to Halsey]

Halsey: I have a question. What if they’re half black?

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: Hmm. Okay. Well, you’re still offensive, but I guess if you’re biracial, there’s a different connotation.

[Cut to Halsey]

Halsey: No, not biracial. I mean one year my costume was to be both Michael Jacksons. So I only did half black.

[Cut to everyone]

Barbara: That is an awesome idea.

Alex Moffat: I’m doing that next year.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: No! No more blackface. Look, let’s just get this over with. Everybody here that’s worn blackface in the 80s, raise your hands.

[Cut to everybody. Everybody except Alex are raising their hands.]

[Cut to Kenan]

Or the 90s.

[Cut to everybody. Now, Alex is also raising his hand.]

[Cut to Kenan]

All right, great. So that’s everybody. Well, I’m going to take a two-week lunch before a lose damn mind. And I advise all of you to delete any Facebook folder labeled Halloween and hope for the best. All right.

[Cut to everybody. Kenan leaves.]

Glen: See. I told you he was going to get mad.

Tom: We can still do the voice, right?

Everyone: Yeah. Of course.