Ted Connelly… Kenan Thompson
Beth… Heidi Gardner
Rob… Devon Walker
Carmen… Ana de Armas
Matt… Mikey Day
Male voice: Two teams, $1 million, here in “The Dome.”
Ted: Good evening. Good evening. I’m Ted Connelly and this is “The Dome.” Now let’s meet the teams vying for a chance at the $1 million prize. Team one, introduce yourselves.
Beth: Hi, I’m Beth and this is my brother-in-law, Rob.
Ted: Oh, proof that in laws can get along. We’re having fun. Okay. Who do we have on Team two?
Carmen: I’m Carmen and this is my husband, Matt.
Ted: All right. Carmen and her cousin Matt. Okay.
Carmen: No, no. Matt’s my husband.
Ted: I’m sorry. I have a bad ear for accents. Sounds like you say that Matt’s your husband?
Carmen: I did. We’re married.
Ted: To each other?
Ted: Okay, so let me just- Let me just clarify what’s going on here. So you who are you, are married to he was him?
Matt: Yep, we are Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Patrick Shatt.
Ted: Your name is Matt Pat Shat?
Matt: Yes, sir. Is that okay?
Ted: Not really. Now, I gotta ask why are you on the show when you are obviously extremely wealthy?
Matt: Oh, no, I am not wealthy.
Ted: But then why is she with you?
Carmen: Isn’t it obvious?
Ted: [yelling] No. Oh man, I gotta calm down. I got to calm down. Okay, so you’re not- If you’re not rich, what do you do for a living?
Carmen: I dance with San Francisco Ballet. And Matt works in the food industry.
Ted: Also your chef?
Matt: o, I’m a taste tester at Purina dog Chow.
Carmen: He tries new dog foods to tell them if it’s too like, spicy, you know? Because the dogs can’t talk.
Ted: So, you eat dog food for money?
Matt: Someday, hopefully. It’s volunteer right now. But fingers crossed, it turns into a paid gig soon.
Ted: You eat the dog food for free? Oh my god. I can’t even believe it. I just don’t understand what’s going on. I mean, this dude obviously got the baddest bitch I’ve ever seen. What is happening. Sorry, but I just had a stroke. Okay. All right. Let’s get back to it. I’m just trying to figure out how this absolute dime is married to match it. Oh, Beth, you got an answer?
Beth: I think I do. He obviously gave her a kidney and saved her life.
Carmen: He didn’t give me a kidney.
Ted: Oh, Rob, chance to steal.
Rob: He’s a hanging 8 but a standing 12?
Carmen: What? No. And FYI, he’s hanging 5 and standing 4.
Ted: So when he gets excited, it gets smaller?
Matt: Yeah. Just one of those things.
Ted: Yeah, that’s right. I’m buzzing in on this one. Here’s what I think. She hypnotized.
Carmen: You’re all sounding crazy. Look at my husband. I think it’s obvious why I’m with him.[wrong answer buzzer]
Ted: No. The judges say no.
Matt: Sorry. Can we play the game now? Or?
Ted: Oh, yeah, of course. Of course. I’m sorry. Matt and Carmen, you won the coin toss backstage. So the first question goes to you.
Matt: Oh my gosh, I’m so nervous. I’m like already sweating. One second. [Pulls his shirt up to wipe his sweat. He’s got multiple nipples on his body.]
Ted: Please zoom in on this. What in the heck? Matt Pat Shat got a group of nipples. Now, Look at all these. Eww.
Matt: Don’t. Yeah, every couple of years, a new one pops up. Just another one of those things.
Carmen: Baby, just put your shirt down. I’m gonna get too excited.
Ted: But why though? I don’t understand it. Let’s just take a break while I have another stroke. We’ll be back right after this. Because I don’t understand what is going on. I mean, she bad. She bad.