Lando’s Summit

Lubestein… Mikey Day

Lando Calrissian… Donald Glover

Sal Guerero… Kenan Thompson

Key Beeba… Leslie Jones

Emchigo… Chris Redd

[Starts with a message video. Message reads: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…]

[Cut to Lubestein speaking at the stage podium]

Lubestein: Sorry to interrupt your mingling. I am Lubestein, Hospitality Director here at the Naboo Beachfront Hotel. We are thrilled to host your event and it’s fun activities all week long as you enjoy our beautiful view. Now, please welcome the chairman of this event, Mr. Lando Calrissian.

[Lando Calrissian walks in and Lubestein leaves the stage]

[cheers and applause]

Lando Calrissian: Yes, yes. I like that guy. Classy guy right there. My, my. We weren’t kidding. This hotel does have a gorgeous view. I love alien girls coz it’s always a surprise when their clothes come off. So, it’s like, “Oh, that’s your that? We’ll figure it out.” Welcome, my brothers and sisters to the first ever galactic summit for all black humans. This started with one question. “Where the hell are all the black people in space?” For a while, I thought it was me, the only one but now I see before me all the black humans in the galaxy.

[Cut to the audience. There are three black people in the empty hall clapping for him]

[Cut to Lando Calrissian.]

I’ll say it. Turnout was a little low. We were expecting a thousand guests. I held out hope that there was a black human planet somewhere but I guess it’s just us. Lots of lizard men wearing vests, just four black people though. Okay, let’s kick things off with a welcoming remarks from my man, Mr. Sal Guerero.

[Sal Guerero walks in]

Sal Guerero: Thank you, everyone. As I look upon the hundreds of faces like my own– Sorry, I wrote this like, a week ago. I am filled with hope. Our voice was once a whisper. Now, it is a roar. Let me hear your roar. Roar!

[Cut to the audience. There are two black people in the empty hall clapping for him]

Audience: Roar.

[Cut to Sal Guerero]

Sal Guerero: I would now like to read a list of all the black humans who lived before us to honor their memory. Mace Windu. Thank you.

[Sal Guerero walks out]

Lando Calrissian: Up next, the lovely Key Beeba. Talk about all the activities we have going on this week.

[Key Beeba walks in. Lando Calrissian takes holds and kisses her hand.]

Key Beeba: [staring at Lando Calrissian] I don’t know you like that. That ain’t coo.

[Lando Calrissian just walks backwards.]

The following activities have been canceled due to low attendants. Everything except meals.

[Cut to Sal Guerero]

Sal Guerero: Does that include the thousand man march?

[Cut to Key Beeba looking at Sal Guerero fiercely.]

Key Beeba: What do you think, dude? Also, the location of the group picture has been changed from the outdoor coliseum to anywhere we want. That’s it.

[Key Beeba walks out]

Lando Calrissian: Alright. Emchigo, you wanna say anything up here?

[Cut to Emchigo]

Emchigo: Nah, I’m good.

[Cut to Lubestein walking in the stage]

Lubestein: Alright. Our seafood buffet is officially open. Grab a plate and help yourself. While you eat, please enjoy music from a blue monster and Mr. Lando Calrissian.

[There’s a creature that has big ears and long nose trunk like an elephant. He is playing the musical instrument.]

Lando Calrissian: You know, before I made a living playing cards an doing other stuffs that’s not really explained. I wanted to be a singer. There’s a little song I wrote about space and it’s called making love in space. Two, three, four.

[singing] Making love in space
yeah, making love in space
you need a man though, girl
come see Lando

Girl, making love in space
I love my….