Cecily Strong
Leslie Jones
Emma Stone
Kenan Thompson
Beck Bennett
Ego Nwodim
Melissa Villaseñor
[Starts with people dancing in a room. The music is playing.]Ego Nwodim: Oh-oh.
Cecily Strong: I had to leave my one bedroom, two bath rental to come to this?
Leslie Jones: Sorry, girl, but you had to get here.
Emma Stone: Yeah, girl. These women have their hands all over your man.
Cecily Strong: Ooh, I cannot hear this today. This makes me much, much, crazy insane. And girlfriend, you know I’m already most of the way there.
Emma Stone: Yeah, girl. Didn’t your psychiatrist say he wouldn’t take your money anymore?
Cecily Strong: Listen girls, I’m not going to stoop to the level of a J-A-W. Jackass woman. Because things might get crazilus.
Leslie Jones: Crazilus? Did you mean to say that?
Cecily Strong: No. Let’s go somewhere where we can talk in private.
[Cecily, Emma and Leslie start dancing and moving]Everybody: I’m gonna meet you in the ladies room
Emma Stone: You do not need this.
Everybody: We’ll be back real soon
Emma Stone: He owes you everything.
Everybody: I’m gonna meet you in the ladies room
Emma Stone: He was gay before he met you.
Everybody: We’ll be back pretty soon
Emma Stone: He has his green card because of you.
[A band comes in the room]Everybody: Oh, oh, oh, oh
Emma Stone: It’s your brother and his electric dancing chair.
Everybody: I don’t know but I think there’s something up with your man
Something up with your man
cause he’s out there bragging that he just bought a purple Trans-Am.
That’s his mama’s car.
I’m going to meet you in the ladies room.
Cecily Strong: These women just keep pushing me.
Everybody: We’ll be back real soon
Emma Stone: But you’re mad at him too, right?
Everybody: I’m going to meet you in the ladies room
Cecily Strong: No, just those nasty, nasty women
Everybody: We’ll be back real soon.
Leslie Jones: I think your anger is misplaced
Everybody: I’m gonna meet you in the ladies room
We’ll be back real soon.
[Cut to Kenan]Kenan Thompson: Hey! Hey! [Music stops] What the hell is going on in here?
[Cut to Beck]Beck Bennett: We’re all dancing in the ladies room.
[Cut to Kenan]Kenan Thompson: Shut up.
[Cut to Emma]Emma Stone: Her man has been giving her headaches, so we’re discussing it in the ladies room.
[Cut to Cecily]Cecily Strong: But I’m not mad at him. Just those CHWs, those chicken-headed women.
[Cut to the women]Ego Nwodim: So get out of here, sir. This is a ladies restroom.
[Cut to Kenan]Kenan Thompson: This is not a restroom.
[Cut to the women]Melissa Villaseñor: Yes, it is. It’s the ladies room at club Vortex.
[Cut to Kenan]Kenan Thompson: No, it is not. This is a fitting room at Limited Express.
[Cut to the women]Emma Stone: Then why did I go to the bathroom in there?
[Cut to Kenan]Kenan Thompson: Why did you what? [Kenan runs to the door and looks in there] Oh, my – this is a mess all over this room. Didn’t you see there wasn’t no toilet in there? Huh? This is a fitting room. There is so much mess. How many of y’all went?
[Cut to the women. They all raise their hands.]Leslie Jones: I went five times because I drank two boxes of wine.
[Cut to Kenan]Kenan Thompson: What is wrong with you people? This is Limited Express. Why don’t you know that?
[Cut to the women]Cecily Strong: Since when it is a Limited Express and not club Vortex anymore?
[Cut to Kenan]Kenan Thompson: Since Christmas. It was in the paper. They got shut down for serving tainted burger meat.
[Cut to the women]Emma Stone: Who keeps up with all that?
[Cut to Kenan]Kenan Thompson: There wasn’t no toilet in the room.
[Cut to Beck]Beck Bennett: I wondered why I was going in front of a three-way mirror. What kind of ladies room is that?
[Cut to Kenan]Kenan Thompson: Again, this is not a ladies room. And what is your deal anyway, man? You’re not even a lady.
[Cut to Beck]Beck Bennett: No. I’m eye candy. Plus this is my chair that I own.
[Cut to Kenan]Kenan Thompson: Get out before I call the police. Man, I got to clean this whole thing up before 6 AM.
[Cut to everybody] [Music starts playing, everyone is leaving while dancing]Everybody: We’re gonna meet you in the ladies room.
Kenan Thompson: You are kidding me. Every single stall?
Everybody: We’ll be back real soon.
Kenan Thompson: No, you won’t. You are banned.
Leslie Jones: I have to pee before I leave.