Tag: Latest

Weekend Update Trend Forecasters on the Latest Trends

Michael Che

Aidy Bryant

Bowen Yang

[Starts with Michael Che in his set]

Michael Che: Tracking consumer data has never been more difficult which makes purchasing trends even harder to predict. Here to talk about it are two trend forecasters.

[Trend forecasters slide in]

Aidy: Oh, good evening, Michael.

Bowen: Good evening, yes.

Michael Che: How do you guys predict today’s most popular trends?

Aidy: Oh, well, we have 4000 computers. They’re all big. They all make charts and they beep loud.

Bowen: The numbers are in and the trends of today have been cast. Here is the report. Our first category is fashion trends. In, shirt too big for body.

Aidy: In, hat too small to head.

Bowen: In, the male cleavage.

Aidy: And out, shiny shoe. Shiny shoe, you’re out, so go back to hell.

Bowen: Stop flaunting your wealth, shiny shoe.

Aidy: We’re fighting a virus.

Bowen: If I see you on the street, I’ll stab you in the face.

Aidy: Go to bed, bitch.

Michael Che: Damn, seems like you guys hate shiny shoes.

Aidy: Shh! Shh! We have our next category.

Bowen: Men trends.

Aidy: In, dry calloused feet.

Bowen: In, doing the damn dishes.

Aidy: In, sobbing.

Bowen: And out, movie posters as decor.

Aidy: Movie posters as decor, get f-ed.

Bowen: Are you a band aid? Because I want to rip you off!

Aidy: Oh, grow up, Pulp Fiction poster. And be a damn painting.

Bowen: Movie posters as decor, go to bed!

Michael Che: Why do you guys keep sending things to bed?

Aidy: Because we aren’t allowed to send them to death.

Michael Che: What are you talking about?

Bowen: We’re talking trends. Emergency, emergency, we have our next category. Baby trends.

Aidy: In, wearing the smallest stuff they make.

Bowen: In, being twins.

Aidy: In, being burped by a friend.

Bowen: And out, dumping in that path and saying nothing.

Aidy: Baby, why are you doing that? That’s insane.

Bowen: This is a society. Eating Cheerios with a dump on your ass? No!

Aidy: These quiet legends need to speak up.

Bowen: Their silence is deafening.

Aidy: Get in your bed, that’s also a jail.

Michael Che: I’m sorry. I don’t understand. There’s no time to understand because it’s time for future trends.

Aidy: In, Euphoria: the feeling.

Bowen: In, AP US History.

Aidy: And oh-oh, back from hell. It’s shiny shoe. Congratulations, shoe.

Michael Che: What about the things that are gonna be out?

Aidy: Well, Michael, the computer only asked him three trends.

Bowen: And you know that they all have to be banished to hell for being out.

Aidy: Out, his cat eyeglasses

Bowen: Fidget spinner.

Aidy and Bowen: And Michael Che.

[Michael Che wearing cat eyeglasses with a fidget spinner on his one hand.]

Michael Che: [yelling] No! The Trend forecasters, everybody.

Weekend Update- The Devil on His Latest Accomplishments

Colin Jost

The devil… Jason Sudeikis

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: Well, the news these past few years has been pretty bleak. And it seems to be continuing in that direction. Here to comment is the devil.

[The Devil slides in]

[cheers and applause]

The Devil: Good to see you, Colin. How are you, Michael? Yes! Alright. What’s up, Colin?

Colin Jost: It’s just great to see you, Devil. We haven’t seen you in four or five years.

The Devil: Oh yes. Because I’ve been busy, baby. Yeah. Last few years have been pretty good for the devil here.

Colin Jost: Yeah. Well, congratulations. What are you been working on lately?

The Devil: Oh, man. So many little side projects. Earthquakes. Got some killer storms. Instagram for kids. Trying to get it off the ground. Oh, and the climate. Climate! Come on! Look I don’t know if you noticed, but I’ve been making things up here feel more like where I’m from. That’s all. You ever been to Florida? That’s not that different from hell. It’s basically pre hell. It’s people in their Colin Jost00s and the temperatures are also in their Colin Jost00s. It’s where I beta test a lot of new ideas, okay? Gaters are there. Bath salts. Tea cup ride. Love for it. Love it.

Colin Jost: Yeah. It must be fun. Florida must be fun for you. Yeah.

The Devil: Yeah, I love it. Yeah, I’m also in the sports. Yeah, I’ve been sticking my fork in sports. I mean, you saw that the Astros won. They shouldn’t have. [smiles and points at himself] Please. And you know, my boy Tom Brady still going strong, right? I actually keep his soul trapped in his portrait of him.

Colin Jost: Handsome guy, still.

The Devil: Oh, yeah. He still got it. He still got it going on. Absolutely.

Colin Jost: I appreciate you coming by to explain all this.

The Devil: Oh, come on. My pleasure. I’m actually glad to get out of hell for a minute. Rush Limbaugh has been talking my horns off. You know, I actually got to build a new– [phone ringing] Oh, sorry. Sorry, I shouldn’t turn– It’s my phone. Sorry! Sorry! Ah! Prince Andrew. Again. Really. The guy. I mean he’s blowing my phone up all the time. All these pics of me, him and JS, they’re coming out of you know– I look pretty good though.

Colin Jost: Alright. I know that looks pretty bad for you guys maybe but–

The Devil: Not me. Not me. I’m a street creed.

Colin Jost: Is there anything else that you’d like to take credit for?

The Devil: Sure, yeah. Bitcoin. That’s all me. I invented vaping. I’m proud of that one. Well, you know when you’re trying to read an article online and the ad at the top gets real big and takes up half the screen no matter how much you scroll and is still there? Me!

Colin Jost: That’s a great one. Great work. And I just have to ask, what about Qanon. Was that you?

The Devil: Hey! Hey! No. Those guys are crazy. A bunch of sad internet psychos thinking satan worshipping paedophiles exist. It’s like, excuse me. Don’t drag my good name into your sick fantasy. Alright? You take that back right now. You take it back, Colin. Okay? Or else I will go back on our deal to let you marry Scarlett, okay?

Colin Jost: That’s not what happened.

The Devil: You baby trapped her.

Colin Jost: That’s not accurate.

The Devil: You baby trapped her.

Colin Jost: That’s not accurate. Not accurate

The Devil: It is true. I don’t know who screwed her more. You or Disney. Baby trapped her.

Colin Jost: Wow.

The Devil: True.

Colin Jost: You’re pretty worked up.

The Devil: Yeah! I am. I’ve just been working a ton. I am. I’m a little fragile. I love my job and sometimes I gotta relax, okay? And this year– I’m gonna blush now. I got the greatest lap dance of my life. True. That Lil Nas X, he can move. He’s cute.

Colin Jost: The Devil, everyone.

The Devil: I hacked Michael Che.

Colin Jost: For Weekend Update, I’m Colin Jost.

Michael Che: I’m Michael Che. Goodnight.