Pete Davidson[Starting with a woman walking alone on the hills with a backpack.]
Narrator: Travelling solo, it’s my favorite. I love exploring with no one to please but myself.[Cut to beautiful scenery of jungle, river and hills.]
Narrator: But when you’re a woman, [Cut to Rachel enjoying the view.] there is one very real danger. [Cut to Beck walks to Rachel.] Unwanted small talk.
Beck: This view, right? Reminds me of the episode of twin peaks where the girl gets murdered. Are you seeing anyone?[Cut to Rachel speechless.] [Cut to Kate enjoying her yoga at the park.]
Narrator: And having headphones in isn’t always enough [Cut to Kate meditating with her earpods on. Kenan walks to Kate.] to keep men I don’t know from talking to me.
Kenan: Om. That’s you. Om. You heard of Buddhists?[Cut to Rachel sitting on the rocks with her backpack beside her.]
Rachel: That’s why wherever I go, [Taking her urn out of the bag] I always pack this.[Cut to decorated urn with shoes, binoculars, shoes, maps, etc.]
Narrator: Introducing ‘Leave Me Alurn.’ ‘Leave Me Alurn’ is a portable urn of women travelers [Cut to different video clips of women traveling alone.] to make men think you are about to scatter your dad or grandpa’s ashes in a meaningful place. So they back the hell up off.[Cut to Rachel, she takes her ‘Leave Me Alurn’ out.]
Rachel: This was his favorite spot. [Cut to Beck wondering what she is saying] It’s what he would have wanted.
Beck: Oh, okay. I didn’t realize. I’m going to let you – I didn’t know – sorry. [Beck leaves Rachel alone] [Cut to Rachel holding ‘Leave Me Alurn’ close, smiling]
Rachel: Confrontation avoided. Thanks, ‘Leave Me Alurn’.[Cut to Kate being annoyed by Kenan]
Narrator: You only take one vacation every seven years. Go ahead. Give them the urn.[Kate takes her ‘Leave Me Alurn’ out of her bag.]
Kate: He always wanted to see the ocean. [Cut to Kenan shocked] Better late than never, I guess.
Kenan: I’m sorry. That’s a– I’m interrupting a little funeral. Forgive it. [Kenan leaves in shock] [Cut to Kate smiles]
Kate: He’s gone and I didn’t have to be a bitch about it. Thanks, ‘Leave Me Alurn’.[Cut to video clip of human cartoons.]
Narrator: ‘Leave Me Alurn’, it’s a conversation prophylactic that gives the impression that ashes could blow up to 50 feet away and that’s how far men will stay from you. And it’s not just a fake urn, [Cut to Rachel. She pulls up a wire from the bottle of the urn.] it’s also a portable phone charger. And it’s even a stainless steel water bottle. [Cut to Kate drinking water from the urn. Kenan sees her drinking water from it and gets disgusted.] [Cut to Melissa walking inside a bar and getting a drink]
‘Leave Me Alurn’ also works great back home for those little ‘just because I look friendly doesn’t mean I am friendly’ moments with boy strangers.[Cut to Alex walks to Melissa at the bar.]
Alex: Is this seat taken?
Melissa: It was. Brought him back one last round.[Cut to Alex getting disgusted]
Alex: Never mind.[Cut to Alex] Can I buy you ladies a – [Cut to all ladies showing a ‘Leave Me Alurn’]
Oh, come on! [Alex leaves] [Cut to video clip of ‘Leave Me Alurns’]
Narrator: ‘Leave Me Alurn’ travel urn, for her. Kills small talk dead. Call now and you will also get [Lowe Back Spikes is shown in the screen] lower back spikes.
Because there is never a reason to touch a woman’s lower back when walking past her. Like never.
Pete: Excuse me! [Walks behind a woman] Ow! My hand!