Them Trumps | Season 44 Episode 8

Alex Moffat

Darius Trump… Kenan Thompson

Darius Jr. … Chris Redd

Malika… Leslie Jones

Cops… Mikey Day and Pete Davidson

[Starts with clip of White House]

Alex: [Cut to Alex. He sits and speaks.] Mr. President, the prosecution’s closing in. [Cut to President on President’s chair from the back] I’m afraid it might be over.

Darius Trump: Oh, it’s not over. Not by a long shot. We’ll beat this, [Darius Trump turns around. He’s black.] or my name isn’t Darius Trump.

Narrator: [Cut to Commercial of the show] From the producers of “Empire”, it’s “Them Trumps”. The first show to ask the question, what if Donald Trump was black? Darius Trump, his wife Malika, Darius Jr., and Lavanka. Together they are “Them Trumps”.

Alex: [Cut to Alex] Sir, they know everything. They know about Russia. They know you used campaign money to cover up an affair with magic city stripper Cinnamon Mercedes. And they know about the pyramid scheme you have been running through your company, [Cut to Darius] Darius Trump Country Hams. [Cut to Country Hams on the table]

Darius Trump: Mm-mm.

Darius Jr.: [Cut to Darius Jr.] Dad, the media has been out for you since day one and you proved them all wrong.

Malika: That’s right, nobody ever [Cut to Malika] thought you would get this far. The bankruptcies, [Cut to Darius. He is smiling] your baby mamas. [Cut to Malika] But here you are on top.

Darius Trump: [Cut to Darius] Yeah. Maybe I done some dirty things. [Darius stands and walks forward] I’m making America great again. And what these Feds don’t realize is that I’m the president! The most powerful man in the most respected office in the world. They can’t lock me up. And even though I may be black— [The door breaks open and two cops come in the door]

Cops: [Cops walk in Darius’ office] Freeze, Trump, you’re under arrest!

Darius Trump: [Cut to Darius] Yeah, that sounds about right. [The show ends. Post credits are given.]

Narrator: On the next “Them Trumps”.

[Cut to Darius Jr., Malika and Lavanka sitting on a couch. Darius comes in]

Darius Trump: [Cut to Darius] All hail the chief. Whoo!

Lavanka: [Cut to Darius Jr., Malika and Lavanka] Dad, you’re back.

Darius Trump: [Cut to Darius] That’s right. There’s only one rule in America you can’t prosecute a sitting president. [Cut to Darius Jr., Malika and Lavanka nodding their heads ]It’s called checks and balances baby, [Cut to Darius] and even though I’m black— [Alex walks in]

Alex: You’ve been impeached.

Darius Trump: Yeah, I was waiting on that. [Post credits given]

Jason Mamoa Mo-Monologue | Season 44 Episode 8

Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, Jason Momoa.

[Jason Momoa comes in the stage from the door. He walks in, jumps on the stage. He is bare feet.

Jason Momoa: Thank you very much, thank you very much. I’m so muscular to be hosting “Saturday Night Live”, huge! It’s such an honor to be on this stage. If you don’t know, I am an ‘SNL’ super nerd, dork. I’ve been watching this my whole entire life. [Applause and cheers]

And there was a time when I actually wanted to quick acting, I wanted to move to New York and try to get cast on ‘SNL’. Fortunately, I got sidetracked by a massively successful career, and I’m playing “Aquaman”. [Applause and cheers]

But now I’m here! And I’m hosting. I mean, this is probably one of the greatest moments of my life, right after having beautiful kids and marrying my red hot smoking wife, Lisa Bonet. Come on, Jase, hold it together. If you cry, it will rain in Hawaii. You know what, if it’s okay, I’m just going to take a second, savor this moment. Eli, if you can play that song I wrote.

[The back of the stage where the band play gets dark. Jason sits down on his knee and smiles as the band plays this song]

“This is my moment, I’m taking into
This is m moment, I’m the strongest man in the world”

[Jason stands]

Okay, great. Thanks, bud. This weekend has been amazing. I was so nervous to meet the cast. But for some reason, they’ve been asking, you know, they’re a little weird.

[Aidy Bryant comes in the stage]

Aidy Bryant: Oh hi, Jason!

Jason Momoa: Hi, Aidy.

Aidy Bryant: Would you mind opening this jar while looking at me directly in the eyes?

Jason Momoa: Sure.

[Jason opens the jar looking at Aidy]

Aidy Bryant: Oh, that’s going to be a big thing. I love you, best day of my life. Thanks you. Bye.

[Kenan Thompson, Leslie Jones and Chris Redd comes to the stage dressed up funky]

Leslie Jones: Alright. We got to impress.

Jason Momoa: Oh, wow, you guys look crazy. Is this for a sketch?

Leslie Jones: I’ll get to that. Let me ask you something, does “Aquaman” have a theme song?

Jason Momoa: I mean, not really. There’s music in the movie but it’s not really a theme.

Leslie Jones: Okay. Alright.

Kenan Thompson: Cool, cool.

Leslie Jones: We had an idea. You ever heard of “Aqua Boogie’ by Parliament Funkadelic?

Jason Momoa: Not really.

Chris Redd: You know, like George Clinton? P-Funk?

Jason Momoa: Nope.

Kenan Thompson: Aqua Boogie, from the 1978 album “Motor Booty Affair”?

Jason Momoa: Sorry, I never heard of it.

Chris Redd, Leslie Jones and Kenan Thompson: What? [Acting surprised]

Leslie Jones: It’s perfect for “Aquaman”. Check this out.

[Band starts playing music.Chris Redd, Leslie Jones and Kenan Thompson start dancing and singing]

Aqua boogie baby,
Never learned to swim

Underwater boogie baby,
Can’t catch the rhythm of the stroke

Aqua boogie baby,
Why should I hold my breath

Underwater boogie baby,
Feelin’ that I might choke

Jason Momoa: Whao, hold on, hold on.

Leslie Jones: So, what did you think of that, man?

Jason Momoa: Well, I mean it’s a cool song but did you just say never learnt how to swim?

Leslie Jones: I did. I sure did.

Kenan Thompson: Yeah, that’s how the song goes. You can check the lyrics if you need to.

Jason Momoa: So it’s a song about someone who can’t swim?

Leslie Jones: Absolutely.

Kenan Thompson: No doubt. No doubt.

Jason Momoa: Well, I’m Aquaman. His whole thing is he can swim really well.

Chris Redd, Leslie Jones and Kenan Thompson: Oh! [Realizing about the movie theme]

Leslie Jones: Yeah man, but this is about the feeling man! You got to give it a try. You know what I’m saying? Just read what’s on the cue card!

Kenan Thompson: Yeah, come on, man.

Leslie Jones: Come on, man.

Jason Momoa: Okay.

Kenan Thompson:  Put that glass in, dog.

Psycho alpha disco beta bio aqua do loop

Jason Momoa: The motion picture’s underwater, starring most of you-loops

Everybody: Aqua boogie baby,
Never learned to swim

Underwater boogie baby,
Can’t catch the rhythm of the stroke

Aqua boogie baby,

Jason Momoa: Why should I hold my breath

Everybody: Underwater boogie baby,
Feelin’ that I might choke

Psycho alpha disco beta bio aqua do loop

Jason Momoa: We got a great show for you tonight! Mumford and Sons is here. Stick around, man, we’ll be right back.