Let Kids Drink

[Starts with a message video]

Male voice: The following is a public service announcement.

[Cut to Kenan]

Kenan: [singing] Well, Mother’s day is Sunday

Cecily: Father’s day is in June

Chris: Facts!

Beck: It’s been a hard ass time for families

Aidy: We’re like the animals in the zoo

Chris: Trapped.

Cecily: Parents need some help these days

Mikey: Kids could use some too.

Chris: Help.

Kenan: So given the special circumstance
We’re gonna introduce a special rule

All: Let kids drink

Beck: Just like Mom and Dad

Cecily: If they got a little buzz on,
would it really be that bad?

Chloe: Let kids drink

Chris: Tiny drinks

Chloe: Just a couple sips

Chris: full drinks

Ego: They’ll be happier and funnier
and they’ll fall asleep by 6

Aidy: They used to give kids whiskey
To help them fall asleep

Chris: That’s history

Aidy: So a teeny-tiny Whiteclaw
Is just a babysitter on the cheap

Chris: Economics

Beck: They let kids in France drink wine
A bottle or two a day

Chris: We asked child services
And they said it was okay

All: Let kids drink

Chloe: It’s not like they can drive

Kenan: Except that one kid on the news
Who drove when he was five

All: Just one drink

Chris: One drink

Beck: Two if they’ve been good

Ego: Babies look drunk anyway

Aidy: They burp and puke just like I would

Cecily: Kids are quite resilient
And they always bounce right back

Chris: Bouncy castle

Beck: And it’s not like they’ll get blackout
Drinking half of our six-pack

Chris: Wait, what?

Kenan: They’ve watched us drink a hundred drinks
And smoke a little weed

Chris: Daddy’s medicine

Cecily: So turn that Shirley Temple
into an Ina Garten martini

Kids: Let us drink
It’s really only fair
Like our parents always say
It’s 5 o’-clock somewhere

Josh Gad (Olaf): Give kids drinks
Disney says it’s fine
Wait, what is this?
And now here’s a bedtime story
It’s vodka soda lime


Pete: [to his mom] Let me drink
I hate that I have to ask

Pete’s mom: You can have milk.

Pete: All I want is a drink and a shot
and a little pills and crack

Cecily: Let dogs drink
They’re smarter nicer kids
Once a day let’s fill their bowl
with a cold refreshing spritz

Beck: And let guys drink
guys can drink alone
We can drink alone inside the shed
And say we’re on the phone

Aidy: Beck, are you okay?

Beck: [annoyed] Yeah, I’m fine, I’m just- I’m on the phone!

Little girl: Someone get that guy a drink

Beck: Totally, he gets it.
Let kids drink

All: Let kids drink
Children are the future
and right now the future stinks
Let kids drink

give them booze

Kenan: And behalf of all us parents,
I say kids, cheers to you