[Starts with a message video]
Male voice: The following is a public service announcement.
[Cut to Kenan]
Kenan: [singing] Well, Mother’s day is Sunday
Cecily: Father’s day is in June
Chris: Facts!
Beck: It’s been a hard ass time for families
Aidy: We’re like the animals in the zoo
Chris: Trapped.
Cecily: Parents need some help these days
Mikey: Kids could use some too.
Chris: Help.
Kenan: So given the special circumstance
We’re gonna introduce a special rule
All: Let kids drink
Beck: Just like Mom and Dad
Cecily: If they got a little buzz on,
would it really be that bad?
Chloe: Let kids drink
Chris: Tiny drinks
Chloe: Just a couple sips
Chris: full drinks
Ego: They’ll be happier and funnier
and they’ll fall asleep by 6
Aidy: They used to give kids whiskey
To help them fall asleep
Chris: That’s history
Aidy: So a teeny-tiny Whiteclaw
Is just a babysitter on the cheap
Chris: Economics
Beck: They let kids in France drink wine
A bottle or two a day
Chris: We asked child services
And they said it was okay
All: Let kids drink
Chloe: It’s not like they can drive
Kenan: Except that one kid on the news
Who drove when he was five
All: Just one drink
Chris: One drink
Beck: Two if they’ve been good
Ego: Babies look drunk anyway
Aidy: They burp and puke just like I would
Cecily: Kids are quite resilient
And they always bounce right back
Chris: Bouncy castle
Beck: And it’s not like they’ll get blackout
Drinking half of our six-pack
Chris: Wait, what?
Kenan: They’ve watched us drink a hundred drinks
And smoke a little weed
Chris: Daddy’s medicine
Cecily: So turn that Shirley Temple
into an Ina Garten martini
Kids: Let us drink
It’s really only fair
Like our parents always say
It’s 5 o’-clock somewhere
Josh Gad (Olaf): Give kids drinks
Disney says it’s fine
Wait, what is this?
And now here’s a bedtime story
It’s vodka soda lime
God!
Pete: [to his mom] Let me drink
I hate that I have to ask
Pete’s mom: You can have milk.
Pete: All I want is a drink and a shot
and a little pills and crack
Cecily: Let dogs drink
They’re smarter nicer kids
Once a day let’s fill their bowl
with a cold refreshing spritz
Beck: And let guys drink
guys can drink alone
We can drink alone inside the shed
And say we’re on the phone
Aidy: Beck, are you okay?
Beck: [annoyed] Yeah, I’m fine, I’m just- I’m on the phone!
Little girl: Someone get that guy a drink
Beck: Totally, he gets it.
Let kids drink
All: Let kids drink
Children are the future
and right now the future stinks
Let kids drink
give them booze
Kenan: And behalf of all us parents,
I say kids, cheers to you