Them Trumps Rally

Alex Moffat

Darius Trump… Kenan Thompson

Darius Junior… Chris Redd

L’evanka… Ego Nwodim

[Starts with a man walking in]

Alex: Welcome to Pennsylvania, Mr. President. Thousands of your supporters have shown up. But the impeachment has the country on edge. So, you may have to be careful about what you say today.

[Cut to the Trumps]

Darius Trump: Careful? Please! They’ll be even more hyped because they all know Darius Trump.

[Cut to the show intro]

Narrator: From the producers of “Empire”, the first show to ask the question, “What if Donald Trump was black?” Darius Trump. Darius Jr. and Lavanka. Together, they are “Them Trumps.”

[Cut to Alex and the Trumps walking through the hallway]

Alex: The house of intelligence committee’s report has some serious accusations in it. The media says the tide is turning against you.

Darius Trump: The media won’t make or break me. My people will always support me.

[Cut to Darius Junior]

Darius Junior: The media is all lies. That’s in my new book. [Darius Junior shows his book] [Cut to L’evanka]

L’evanka: Come on, daddy. Don’t worry about the media. Your supporters didn’t even care when you wanted to have the G-7 summit at your presidential nightclub.

[Cut to everybody]

Darius Trump: I still think club DTF would have been the perfect spot. I mean, the ladies get in free. You can’t beat that, man.

Alex: Well, it is amazing how well they’ve been. These people don’t have a history of supporting a black candidate.

Darius Trump: Well, that’s because when they see me, they don’t see color, baby. I’m Darius Trump. I keep it real, man. They know me. I’m the one who’s making America swag again.

[Cut to the crowd hooting for Darius Trump]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the president of the United States.

[Cut to Darius Trump walking to the Podium.]

Darius Trump: Thank you, thank you. People, emancipation is under attack. They say assaulted the Ukraine. They say I abused my office. And you know what? Maybe I did. Because I will do whatever it takes to win this election. I will pat somebody on the head right on fifth avenue with my own gun if I have to. And I know you will always have my back even though I’m black.

[Crowd starts booing]

Okay, let’s warm up the cops.

[the show ends]

Narrator: On the next “Them Trumps.”

Alex: I don’t think we can make it out without any trouble.

Darius Trump: My man, please, I’m the president. I’m the most protected man in the world.

[Darius Trump walks out the door. People are trashing his car.]

Alex: Call an Uber?

Darius Trump: Yes!

Them Trumps: State of the Union | Season 44 Episode 12

Assistant… Halsey

Darius Trump… Kenan Thompson

Levanka… Ego Nwodim

Darius Jr… Chris Redd

Malika… Leslie Jones

Police Officer… Alex Moffat

[Starts with assistant walking looking at a file at the parking lot]

Assistant: Sir, your approval numbers have never been lower. But this state of the union might be our best chance of turning things around. Now, the big question is can you persuade people who never liked you in the first place?

Darius Trump: I wouldn’t worry about any of that. [Cut to Darius at the dark. His face cannot be seen.] All I need is a mic and an audience and I’m good to go. They all love [Darius walks a step ahead. He is black Donald Trump.] Darius Trump.

[Cut to the intro of ‘Them Trump’]

Narrator: From the producers of Empire. It’s Them Trumps. The first show to ask the question, “What if Donald Trump was black?” Darius Trump. His wife, Malika. Darius Jr. and Lévanka. Together, they are Them Trumps.

[Cut to a running limousine]

Darius Jr.: Dad. [Cut to Darius Jr. and Levanka inside the limousine] You think the state of the union speech is going to set the hater’s straight?

[Cut to Darius Trump and his assistant inside the limousine]

Darius Trump: Of course it is son. Now, come on, let’s get to the capitol so I can do what I do.

[Cut to Darius Jr. and Levanka inside the limousine]

Levanka: But dad. What about about the new allegations? The taxpayer funded golf vacations with Puff Daddy, all the lawsuits that come out of Trump Perm Academy?

[Cut to Darius Jr.]

Darius Jr.: And they still asked about Russia dad.

[Cut to Darius Trump and his assistant]

Darius Trump: Shh! Don’t nobody need to know about Russia. What happened between me and Russia is between me and Russia. That don’t concern them.

Malika: Well, [Cut to Malika] you better watch yourself. They’re saying Mueller is closing in and your house of cards is crashing down.

[Cut to Darius Trump and his assistant]

Darius Trump: Why you trying to play me, huh? I know how to deal with Mueller. I keep the white boys on a leash. [Cut to Darius Jr. and Levanka smiling] This is America. And even though I’m black–

[Cut to Darius Trump and his assistant]

Assistant: Okay, we are getting pulled over.

Darius Trump: Oh, I knew that was coming.

[The video stops and plays credit list] [Cut to outro of ‘Them Trumps’]

Narrator: On the next Them Trumps—

[Cut to Police Officer talking to Darius Trump from window of the limosine]

Police Officer: License please, sir.

Darius Trump: Man, I’m not even driving.

Police Officer: I’m not asking again. License, now.

[Darius Trump hands his license to the police officer] [Cut to Darius Jr.]

Darius Jr.: Be cool, dad.

Malika: We don’t [Cut to Malika] need you getting locked up.

[Cut to Darius Trump]

Darius Trump: Ain’t nobody getting locked up. This is ridiculous. I’m the American President and he’s going to have to recognize the fact that even though I’m a black man—

Police Officer: Sir, step out of the car.

Darius Trump: Yes, here we go. [Darius opens the door and steps out of the limousine] Somebody record it for Worldstar.

[Video stops and plays credit list]