Tag: Lonnie

Science Room with Steve Martin and Martin Short

Mr. Science…Martin Short

Dr. Science… Steve Martin

Lonnie… Cecily Strong

Josh… Mikey Day

[Starts with show intro]

Female voice: PBS Kids. At 3:30, Curious George, we on that same old [bleep]. But first, it’s the Science Room.

[Cut to Science Room intro]
[Cut to Dr. Science Mr. Science and Mr. Science Short in the show set]
[cheers and applause]

Mr. Science: [singing] Oh chemistry, oh chemistry
how lovely are thy eye on

Dr. Science: I love that song sodium much. Hey kids, Dr. Science.

Mr. Science: And I’m Mr. Science.

Dr. Science: And what better time than the holidays to learn about the science of snow.

Mr. Science: Helping us out today are today’s Junior volunteers, Lonnie and Josh.

Josh: Hi.

Lonnie: Hello.

Mr. Science: Happy holidays guys. Lonnie, what’s your favorite holiday tradition?

Lonnie: Oh, Christmas.

Mr. Science: Okay, well, I love Christmas myself. Josh, what do you want for Christmas?

Josh: Oh, to find out what happened to my brother.

Mr. Science: Okay, well, I was not expecting that. I thought you’d say you want to skateboard or something, but I’m sure your brother will be fine. But hey, let’s talk about snow.

Dr. Science: Now, what do we know about snow? Well, for one, snow forms inside the big things in the sky called… Lonnie.

Lonnie: Stars.

Mr. Science: No. Josh. Starts with a C.

Josh: Si Senor.

Mr. Science: No, the letter C. It’s a C word.

Lonnie: Oh, no. The C word is bad. We can’t say that.

Mr. Science: No, it’s not the C word. Josh. It’s big. It’s white. It’s puffy. It’s…

Josh: My dad.

Mr. Science: Clouds. Snow forms inside clouds.

Dr. Science: Hey, let’s think before we answer, okay?

Mr. Science: Yes, why not?

Dr. Science: Now, snow forms when it gets so cold that the water vapor inside the cloud does what? Lonnie.

Lonnie: Snows.

Dr. Science: No. It’s how water turns into ice. It starts with an F. Josh.

Josh: Photosynthesis.

Dr. Science: That’s double wrong, Josh. Come on guys starts with an F. Free…

Lonnie: Britney?

Dr. Science: Guys. Freeze. Freeze. [Lonnie and Josh stop moving] No, not you. The word was freeze.

Mr. Science: Just like there are rain storms, there are also snow storms.

Lonnie: True.

Mr. Science: I wasn’t asking, but yes that is true.

Josh: Yeah! [Josh and Lonnie do high five]

Mr. Science: No, you don’t high five each other based on… No don’t. No fist bump either. Just stop it. Stop right now.

Dr. Science: Okay, now, for our experiment today, we’re going to make our own snow storm. Now our snow storm will obviously not be as big as a real one. But even if something small, it can still…

Lonnie: Feel good for the girl.

Dr. Science: I don’t follow this.

Lonnie: Because my sister told me that even if a guy has a small thing, it can still feel good if the guy knows what he’s doing.

Dr. Science: Well, that’s a no. Teach a big lesson, you were very, very wrong.

Mr. Science: Your sister however is very, very right. Now, to do this at home, we’ll need some water and a glass. Baby oil. [Lonnie and Josh start playing with the experiment instruments] No, don’t touch that. Please. Stop it. Stop touching, please. Stop it.

Dr. Science: Make sure to have a grown up help you first. Safety first.

Mr. Science: I have a fun safety joke, Josh. KNOCK, KNOCK.

Josh: Come in.

Mr. Science: No, no. Josh, you say “knock knock who’s there?” Okay? Knock knock.

Josh: Who’s there?

Mr. Science: Safety.

Josh: Hi, I’m Josh.

Mr. Science: No, no. Do you know know how this works? You’ve never heard? You say “safety who”. Okay? Knock knock.

Josh: Safety who?

[Mr. Science gets so frustrated that he starts strangling the skeleton dummy in the science lab.]

Dr. Science: Hey, hey, hey. Are you okay? Come back. Come back.

Mr. Science: Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

Dr. Science: Now, we put everything into our glass here except the Alka Seltzer, which we’re going to drop into simulate what happens when cold air meets warm air. Now, get in close guys. Three, two, one. Science. Wow, look. Josh, what’s going on?

Josh: Not much. We have two weeks off for winter break.

Dr. Science: No. Not what’s going on in your life? In here. What’s going on in here? Do you see what I see? What do you see?

Lonnie: Your finger.

Dr. Science: No. Do you see what I see? Something’s going on. Do you see what I see?

Lonnie: [singing] You see what I see
a star, a start,
dancing in the…

Dr. Science: Shut up, you idiots. Look what we made. It’s a it’s a…

Lonnie and Josh: It’s a me Mario.

Mr. Science: No. It’s not a me Mario. Go to commercial.

Dr. Science: I’m gonna turn the camera off.

Science Room with Jason Sudeikis

Mr. Teacher… Jason Sudeikis

Lonnie… Cecily Strong

Josh… Mikey Day

Father… Kyle Mooney

Mother… Melissa Villaseñor

[Starts with the show intro]

Female voice: The PBS learning afternoon. Up next, an all new science room.

[cut to Mr. Teacher standing in front of a huge periodic table]

Mr. Teacher: You know, I don’t study this table all the time. Just periodically. Hey there, future scientists. Welcome to the Science Room. I’m your host Mr. Teacher and today I’m being joined by two junior volunteers, Lonnie and Josh. How are you guys doing today?

Josh: Good.

Lonnie: Bad.

[They both are acting awkward]

Mr. Teacher: Hey, don’t worry. I’m nervous too. Okie, dokie. So, today, we are learning gravity.  [Lonnie and Josh start clapping] Yeah. And to do so, we are going to use this model. [Mr. Teacher picks up a solar system model. Lonnie and Josh start clapping] Yeah. Now, who knows what this is?

Lonnie: Balls.

Mr. Teacher: Um, yes, they are. But this is actually a model of our solar system. And these aren’t just balls. They’re actually planets. [Lonnie and Josh start clapping] You know, I love your enthusiasm but you guys don’t have to clap after everything I say. Okay? Now, Josh, can you point the planet earth on this model? [Josh points at the sun] No, no, Josh. That’s the sun. [Lonnie and Josh start clapping] No, no, don’t clap Lonnie. Stop, stop. Remmeber? Josh is wrong here. We’re not applauding anymore. Right? Let’s remember that. Lonnie, why don’t you help Josh out? Why don’t you please point to planet earth? [Lonnie holds the sun] No, did you not just see? No. Look, earth is right here. [Lonnie and Josh start clapping] No, no, no. Stop. Stop.

Lonnie: Sorry.

Mr. Teacher: No, don’t apologize. Just don’t do it anymore. Then you don’t have to apologize. You don’t do it, you don’t apologize.

Josh: Okay.

Mr. Teacher: Okay, good. Okay, now gravity is the principle that all things with mass are attracted to one another. And gravity is– [Lonnie and Josh start playing with the solar system model] Don’t mess with them. Don’t mess with them. You don’t have to mess with them. Gravity is what makes our planets– No, stop. Stop touching it. It makes our planets orbit around the sun. Knock it off, okay? Stop! They orbit around the sun because– I swear to god! Because sun is a large– Okay, you know what? Stop! How about this? Let’s do this. Let’s just name some of the planets, okay? Now this one right here, what’s this?

Lonnie: A ball.

Mr. Teacher: No, Lonnie. No. Remember they’re planets, okay? Remember? Okay? This is planet…

Lonnie: Hollywood?

Mr. Teacher: No. Josh. It’s next to the sun. It’s very hot.

Josh: Oh. Phoenix?

Mr. Teacher: No. That’s a city in Arizona.

Josh: Oh, Tempi?

Mr. Teacher: No, forget it. Okay? You know what? Let’s just move on. Are you guys okay? Like, emotionally? Everything okay? [Lonnie an Josh nod their heads] Alright. Just checking. Let’s talk about gravity’s relationship with matter. Josh, what is matter?

Josh: Nothing, I’m good.

Mr. Teacher: No, no, no. Josh. I didn’t ask what’s the matter. I asked what is matter?

Josh: Um, black lives?

Mr. Teacher: No! No, no, no.

Lonnie: All lives?

Mr. Teacher: No. Not all lives. No! Matter is any substance that takes up space.

Lonnie: Oh, like the balls?

Mr. Teacher: No! Not like the balls. They’re not balls. Okay, stop it. Just ignore the balls.

Lonnie: My sister said you should never ignore the balls.

Mr. Teacher: Don’t. Don’t.

Lonnie: My sister said the guy likes it.

Mr. Teacher: Stop. Okay? Stop. Don’t say that. Okay, alright. You know what? Let’s do this. Let’s just move on. We’re gonna do a little experiment to illustrate gravity.

Lonnie: Oh, more balls.

Josh: Yeah.

Mr. Teacher: Stop. No. Look, this is– If I let go of this metal ball right here, what will happen? It will fall…

Josh: In love?

Mr. Teacher: Go to hell. Go to hell, Josh. No. If I drop this heavy ass metal ball, it will drop…

Lonnie: It like it’s hot?

Mr. Teacher: Guys! If I let go of this thing, it will smash…

Josh: That subscribe button?

Mr. Teacher: That’s enough! [throws the ball] Who is in charge of you two? Who is in charge of these two kids? You two, come here. Get out here. Come here. Right here.

[Father and Mother walk in] Who are you?

Father: I’m Josh’s father.

Mr. Teacher: Josh’s father. Okay, well, guess what, sir? You have done a horrible job. Shame on you. You hear me? Yeah. Say you’re sorry. Say it.

Father: I’m sorry.

Mr. Teacher: Alright. Thank you. And who are you, lady?

Mother: I’m Lony’s mom, Lisa.

Mr. Teacher: Lony? I’ve been calling her Lonnie the whole damn time. Lony? You didn’t speak up for yourself? Your name is Lony? Okay, well Lisa, you failed as a mother in every way with this child. Every possible way. Now both of ya, scram! Get the hell out of here. Let’s go. Let’s go. Lisa, let’s go. Beat it. No, not in front of the camera, you jack ass. Move, dummy! Go away! I will kick your ass. Get out of here.