Tag: Malissa Villaseñor

Chonk

Aidy Bryant

Banessa Bayer

Malissa Villaseńor

Sasheer Zamata

Leslie Jones

[Starts with clips women dressed very nicely having fun]

Female voice: Beautiful, strong, gorgeous at any size. You’re a woman and you deserve clothes that fit and flatter. You are confident.

[Cut to Vanessa]

Vanessa: So confident.

Female voice: Prove them wrong. You rock.

[Cut to Melissa]

Melissa: I rock it.

Female voice: You rule the world.

[Cut to Aidy]

Aidy: Hell, yes I do.

Female voice: That’s why you shop at [growling] Chonk. [Aidy is confused] We know what women want. You wanna be glamorous. We know not every woman’s a runway model. hat’s why [growling] Chonk. [Vanessa and Melissa are confused] You’re a queen. You’re a goddess. You’re [growling] Chonk.

Aidy: I’m Chonk. Head to toe Chonk.

Female voice: No matter what size you are, you’ll still feel [growling] Chonk.

Vanessa: No.

Female voice: We’re the only store that accepts your unique body.

Sasheer: Unique?

[Cut to a little girl playing around]

Female voice: And try our twin girls department. Lil’–

[Aidy walks in and pulls away the girl]

Aidy: No. I don’t want this one. No.

Female voice: [growling] Chonk. Chonk. Chonk.

Leslie: You got one more Chonk, and that’s your ass.

Female voice: And for the guy in your life, visit our men’s store, ‘Normal clothes’.

[Cut to Bobby and Pete buying shirts]

Bobby: This shirt fit me.

Pate: Me too. I got everything I needed.

Bobby: Yeah. No problems here. Sweet.

Female voice: [singing] Every woman’s a [growling] Chonk!

Weekend Update: Melissa Villaseñor’s Grammy Awards Picks | Season 44 Episode 12

Colin Jost,

Malissa Villaseñor

Kyle Mooney

[Starts with Colin Jost in his news set]

Colin Jost: Tomorrow night is the 61st Annual Grammy Awards, here to talk about who she thinks should win is our very own Melissa Villaseñor.

[Cut to Malissa Villaseñor coming in dressed as Lady Gaga]

Malissa Villaseñor: Yeah, thank you, Colin.

[Cut to Colin and Malissa]

You know, everyone has been on the edge of their seats waiting to hear my Grammy picks. Here we go.

Colin Jost: Okay, wait – hold on one second. Melissa, are dressed up as Lady Gaga?

Malissa Villaseñor: What? No, I just wore this for all my Melissa Monsters out there.

Colin Jost: All right. Sure, so let’s get started with the Grammy picks. Who is your choice for song of the year?

[Cut to Malissa]

Malissa Villaseñor: Oh, my god. I just heard this song for the first time this morning. It’s called “Shallow”. Have you heard it?

[Cut to Colin and Malissa]

Colin Jost: The Lady Gaga song? Yeah, I’ve heard it.

Malissa Villaseñor: That’s Gaga? Wow. So you have heard it.

Colin Jost: Yeah, I mean pretty much everyone has heard it basically everyday for the past three months, yeah.

Malissa Villaseñor: Well, in case you haven’t heard it –-

Colin Jost: We have.

Malissa Villaseñor: It goes a little something like this –

[Cut to Malissa singing with Lady Gaga impression]

♪Tell me something girl, are you happy in this modern world♪

[Cut to Colin and Malissa]

Colin Jost: Okay. All right. Yes, great. I know you’ve been trying to get your Lady Gaga impression on the show for a while now.

Malissa Villaseñor: How dare you. I’m not doing an impression. I am Melissa. And this is my famous Grammy preview.

Colin Jost: Okay, because you’re wearing a Lady Gaga wig.

Malissa Villaseñor: This isn’t a wig. I was born this way.

Colin Jost: Oh, okay. Is just makes it seem like you’re a little obsessed with Lady Gaga.

Malissa Villaseñor: So what Colin? When I heard this song for the first time this morning, I felt like I was –

[Cut to Malissa singing with Lady Gaga impression]

♪Falling in all the good times I find myself
longing for change and in the bad times I fear myself♪

[Kyle Mooney comes in and sing’s Bradley Cooper’s part]

♪In the Shall la-la-la low
In the Shall la-la-la low♪

[Kyle Mooney leaves]

Colin Jost: Wait! That was Kyle’s whole part? That was it?

Malissa Villaseñor: Yes.

Colin Jost: This is great, but I don’t know we could afford the rights to perform “Shallow” on the show. I’m sorry.

[Cut to Malissa singing with Lady Gaga impression]

Malissa Villaseñor: Hey.

♪Tell me something boy, aren’t you tired trying to fill that void.
[cut to Malissa and Colin]
or do you need more, ain’t it so hard keeping it so hardcore♪

Colin Jost: Well, sometimes yes.

Malissa Villaseñor: [Cut to Malissa singing with Lady Gaga impression]

♪oh oh oh, whoa whoa whoa whoa
I’m off the deep end watch as I dive in
I’ll never meet the ground♪

[Cut to Malissa and Colin]

Malissa Villaseñor: Melissa Villaseñor, everyone!