Melissa Villaseñor

Kyle Mooney

Cecily Strong

Nana… David Harbour

Marco… Kate McKinnon

[Starts with three grandchildren visiting their grandparents]

Melissa: Nana, papa, we’re here.

Kyle: Where are they?

Cecily: Oh, my god. Nana’s sauce smells so good.

[Cut to Nana and Marco entering the room]

Nana: Oh! Amore! Grandchildren. I never see you. You always in school. I’m so happy you’re here! [Nana hugs her grandchildren] Oh! Come in. Give your grandma a hug. I’m making sauce for you, ah? [Nana looks at Marco] Hey! Marco! What are you doing at the sauce spot? Stay away from my sauce.

[Cut to Marco looking at the sauce]

Marco: I just think it needs to be a little more thick. You know? You don’t want a runny sauce. It’ll run all over the noodles. The noodles go in the sauce.

[Cut to Marco and Nana.]

Nana: What do you put in there?

Marco: I put parmesan.

Nana: [Looking at her grandchildren] You see what I put up with? Huh?

[Cut to Marco]

Marco: She put up with that because she like the way I make love to her. Short and slow.

[Cut to grandchildren]

Kyle: Hey grandpa, good to see ya.

[Cut to Marco and Nana.] Nana: Oh, he joking but all the dirty stuff. Huh?

Marco: I’m not. I’m not. I can’t resist this woman. Her kiss is like a fine wine. The older she gets the better they taste.

[Cut to grandchildren]

Cecily: Yeah. We get it, that’s sweet to know.

Kyle: Is it? Yeah, it is.

Melissa: Anyway, you guys, the sauce smells great.

[Cut to Marco and Nana.]

Nana: Oh, thank you. I’ve been working on it all day.

Marco: It smell a little thin to me.

Nana: Marco! Get away from the sauce. Get your body away from the sauce!

Marco: Get my what away from the sauce?

Nana: I think you heard me. Your body.

[Cut to Marco]

Marco: Oh, you’re thinking about my body? Is that what you say? Then get ready for it because it’s crazy for you right now.

Nana: Oh, get off me, old man. The grandchildren, no! They’re going to see we all sex 24/7.

[Cut to grandchildren]

Cecily: No, we don’t think that. We don’t want to think that.

Kyle: Yeah. The sauce is maybe almost ready.

Melissa: Smells like it could almost be ready.

[Cut to Marco and Nana.]

Nana: Oh! You’re right. You’re right. You can tell when the sauce is ready by the smell in the air. Isn’t that right, Marco?

Marco: I think it could have been more thick. It look like a juice. That’s not sauce. That’s like a Hawaiian punch.

Nana: Oh! That’s my sauce you talk about. I have to smack you up side of back of the head. Don’t talk about my sauce.

Marco: You know what? Sometimes when you get angry at me, it makes my thing work again.

Nana: Oh, you like when I get angry ah, do you? That’s what Marco wants? What? You want me spank you? Yeah! You want me degrade you in front of the grandchildren?

Marco: You tell me. I wanted you to be in charge.

Nana: Oh!

[Cut to grandchildren]

Kyle: If the sauce isn’t ready, we can just go out. Us three, just go to get Italian out somewhere.

Melissa: Yeah. We could step out. Unless this is part of it for you which I would not like.

Cecily: Yeah. We could go out and eat. So we can come back and have a different time. Something unlike we’re having now.

[Cut to Marco and Nana.]

Nana: No. There’s so much sauce. It will go to waste. Marco, Marco, you upset the grandchildren with that spice around me.

Marco: Can you believe it? I date this woman for 54 years, she’s still turning me on like I’m a young boy. I’m ready to sew my seed and – get soiled, you know?

Nana: Hey Marco, just check the sauce.

Marco: Okay, I still think the sauce is too thin. Taste it. You’ll see. Right in the your mouth. Open your mouth. Come on. It’s not ready, my love.

Nana: Ah—oh, ah!

Marco: Give me a taste of that sauce.

Nana: Ah! We got to think about the kids! Oh, no!

Marco: I want you so bad.

Nana: Oh, Marco! Marco! Oh, no!

Marco: No. let’s get on the table.

Nana: Wow! Come on.

[Grandchildren run away]

Oh. Oh—Oh!

Marco: Okay. It doesn’t work anymore. I’m sorry.

[Cheers and applause]