Exam | Season 44 Episode 17

Christine… Cecily Strong

Mr. Willis… Kit Harrington

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha… Leslie Jones

Marcus… Pete Davidson

[Starts with Christine and Mr. Willis in Operation room of clinic]

Christine: So, you must be Mr. Willis. Are you here for your examination?

Mr. Willis: Yeah. Honestly I’m a little nervous. It’s not my favorite thing to do.

Christine: I don’t blame you. But as we say around the office, you can’t put a price tag on colorectal health.

Mr. Willis: Oh, that’s true. Where would you hang it?

Christine: Oh, that’s really true. And you’re comfortable with a female doctor, right?

Mr. Willis: Yea, I’ll be facing the other way so I guess it doesn’t matter.

Christine: You’re funny. That’s refreshing.

Mr. Willis: Yeah! Well, thanks for making me feel more comfortable. Hey, would you want to go out sometime?

[Cut to Christine]

Christine: You mean after your anal exam? Sure. I mean, if we don’t find anything serious.

[Cut to Christine and Mr. Willis]

Mr. Willis: Wow, I guess knock on wood, right? So how do you need me?

Christine: Oh, no, I’m not the doctor.

Mr. Willis: What? You’re not?

[Dr. Yvonne De Marsha walks in]

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha: Hello. I’m Dr. Yvonne De Marsha.

Mr. Willis: Oh! Dr. De Marsha?

Christine: Yes, Dr. De Marsha is one of the leading colorectal surgeons in all of Arizona, excluding Phoenix.

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha: Uh-huh. There’s a few in Phoenix that blow me out of the water.

Mr. Willis: So, do you need me to bend over?

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha: Baby, I just need a clear view of the sugar bowl.

[Cut to Yvonne De Marsha an Mr. Willis]

Mr. Willis: I couldn’t help but notice your nails. [Her nails are very long and have shiny stones attached to them]

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha: Oh, you like these?

Mr. Willis: Yes, but how does that work? You just pop them off before the exam?

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha: Excuse me, do these look like press-on nails? I grew these, you looking at six years of my life.

Mr. Willis: I’m not questioning you, I’m just not picturing how this is going to work.

[Cut to Christine]

Christine: Look, outside of Phoenix, Dr. De Marsha is the best.

[Cut to Christine and Dr. Yvonne De Marsha. Dr. Yvonne De Marsha dropped a tool because she can’t grab it because of her nails.]

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha: You’re going to have to sterilize that, Christine.

[Cut to Christine]

Christine: It’s like we always say around the office, a great driver can drive a bus through Shanghai without knocking over a single Chinese lantern. [Cut to Christine and Dr. Yvonne De Marsha. Dr. Yvonne De Marsha is trying to open a can of Fanta.] Do you need help opening that pineapple Fanta, Dr. De Marsha?

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha: No, I got it, girl. [Dr. Yvonne De Marsha hits the can with her nail and opens it] [Dr. Yvonne De Marsha takes a sip of Fanta and starts dancing] [Singing] Fanta, Fanta. All right. [Cut to Dr. Yvonne De Marsha and Mr. Willis] Okay, let’s get down to the gritty and your nitty.

Mr. Willis: Whoa, whoa. I’m just worried you’re going to lose one of those crystals.

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha: Crystals? Are you insane? [Cut to Dr. Yvonne De Marsha] These are diamonds. Mama don’t do crystals. Almost got 20 carats on all my hands. What you think, I’m a foot doctor? Can you believe that, Christine? He said crystals.

[Cut to everybody]

Christine: I guess he’s trippin’. You need your gloves?

[Cut to Dr. Yvonne De Marsha and Christine]

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha: And ruin my nails? Oh, no thank you.

Mr. Willis: Yeah, I should go. [Mr. Willis tries to leave]

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha: Look, look, you need this. Let me get your legs.

[Dr. Yvonne De Marsha and Christine are trying to make Mr. Willis stay forcefully]

Mr. Willis: No, no!

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha: No, this will be over in a minute.

Christine: I’m going to hold your hand.

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha: Relax! Marcus get here!

[Marcus comes in and tries to hold Mr. Willis]

Marcus: Dude, give up!

Mr. Willis: I have to tell you something!

[Everybody leaves Mr. Willis]

Marcus: You’re strong.

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha: You are so strong.

Mr. Willis: I am your boss.

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha: What?

Marcus: Who?

Christine: What did you say?

Mr. Willis: I am the Chief Executive Officer of this clinic’s chain.

Christine: Eric Fordman?

Marcus: Who?

Mr. Willis: You’re on Undercover Boss. [The camera comes to confront]

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha: Oh, my god!

Mr. Willis: I just wanted to commend you on all your exemplary work. Dr. De Marsha, you weren’t going to let me leave the office because you knew how vital colorectal health is.

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha: Yes, I did.

Mr. Willis: Christine, you flirted with me just enough to make me want to stay. You’re a good nurse. And Marcus, and you twisted my body into the entry position, good job.

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha: Good job!

Mr. Willis: My only note is for this kind of exam, you don’t need to push the patient’s legs over their head.

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha: That is a good note. That is a good note.

Mr. Willis: Now, how about we do that exam?

[Mr. Willis gets ready for the exam himself]

Dr. Yvonne De Marsha: Woo!

Cha Cha Slide | Season 44 Episode14

Daniel… John Mulaney

Dj, Marcus… Kenan Thompson

Lisa… Ego Nwodim

Jermaine… Chris Redd

[Starts with people dancing in a hall of a party] [Lisa and Daniel walk in]

Lisa: Okay. Deep breath. My cousin’s wedding is just like any other wedding, okay.

Daniel: But I’ve never met any of your family. It’s just I’m kind of nervous.

Lisa: Why? What is there to be nervous about?

Daniel: I don’t know. I’m a software engineer from Indian Apolis.

Lisa: Okay, these people don’t bite. Okay?

[Cut to the DJ]

DJ: Alright, let’s get it going, y’all. I need everybody on the dance floor. Let’s make it funky, funky, funky. [Cut to everybody, Daniel and Lisa start dancing] Everybody clap your hands. Clap, clap, clap your hands.

Daniel: It’s just – I don’t want to embarrass myself or you.

Lisa: It’s fine. Just be yourself.

DJ: Take it back now, y’all. One hop this time. Two hops this time. Right foot, let’s stomp. Left foot, let’s stomp. Cha cha now, y’all. Turn it up.

Daniel: I’m sorry to be weird. Is your mom here?

Lisa: I told you, everyone’s here.

DJ: Take it back now, y’all. One hop this time. Now shoot them dice. Turn up now y’all. Turn it up.

Lisa: Shoot them dice? Is this the radio?

Daniel: No, this is the club remix, the 12

DJ: Let’s turn them grease. Turn it one time. Cha cha, now y’all. Turn it up.

Daniel: I mean what do I even say to your mom? We have nothing to talk about.

Lisa: You’ll be great. I told you all about you.

DJ: Now pull out your church fans. [Daniel takes the church fan out of his back pocket] And wave that fan.

Lisa: Church fans? I didn’t bring a church fan.

Daniel: Oh, I have an extra. [Daniel takes another church fan out of his back pocket and gives it to Lisa]

DJ: Now, wave it all around. Now wave it all around. Cha cha now y’all. Turn it up.

Daniel: Do you know everybody here?

Lisa: No, I barely know half of these people.

Jermaine: Hey, Daniel. [Jermaine joins Daniel and Lisa]

Daniel: Oh, my god, Jermaine. What are you doing here?

Jermaine: What are you doing?

Daniel: I’m with my girlfriend.

Lisa: Hi, I’m Lisa. You two know each other?

Jermaine: Yeah, we were in the same fraternity.

Lisa: Which one was that?

[Cut to Daniel and Jermaine]

Daniel: Kappa Alpha PSI at Howard University.

Daniel and Jermaine: You know.

Daniel: And about five years ago, we went on a Tom Joyner Cruise where we saw Sinbad an Anita Baker.

Jermaine: Man, that was special right? Looks like my son’s acting up again. Put that down, boy.

Daniel: Oh-oh. Looks like somebody’s going to be on punishment.

Jermaine: You know it. [Cut to Daniel, Lisa and Jermaine] All right Daniel, good to see you. Put your pants back on, boy. [Jermaine leaves]

Lisa: See? It’s not so bad. You have a friend here.

Daniel: Yeah, one.

DJ: Two hops this time. Right foot, two stomps. Left foot, two stops. Make it hutch now y’all.

Daniel: It’s weird for me to be in a new environment.

Lisa: I know. But we all have to do it sometime.

[Ms. Staley joins Lisa and Daniel]

Ms. Staley: Hey, Daniel. I thought that was you.

Daniel: Hey, Ms. Staley. I didn’t know you were here.

Lisa: You know Daniel?

[Cut to Daniel and Ms. Staley]

Ms. Staley: Yeah, we were partners in the stage down at the church. We won $60.

Daniel: We sure did. Hey, are you still watching ‘Power’ on the Starz network?

Ms. Staley: No, child. I had to get rid of the Starz.

Daniel: Oh, it’s a damn shame how expensive these cables are these days. Hey, how’s your foot feeling?

Ms. Staley: It’s better. I got the socks and I have been soaking it every night. Thank you for asking.

Daniel: Well, I’m going to pray on it.

Ms. Staley: Well, thank you darling. You know I’m cooking greens, Sunday, stop by.

[Ms. Staley leaves]

Lisa: Oh, my god. You know my aunt better than I do.

Daniel: Oh, stop. Andrew get things, I’m corny. She’s just being nice.

DJ: Slide to the left. Slide to the right. Now Beyonce one. Now Beyonce two. All right, all right. Good job, everybody. It’s 11:01. And my break was scheduled for 11:00. I’m out of here. Peace.

Lisa: You are going to be fine, tonight.

Daniel: You think so?

Lisa: Yes, I swear. I’d love for you to meet my brother, he’s the DJ.

[Cut to the DJ]

DJ: All right. I want to thank everybody for having me. I just want to give a quick shout out to the man that produced my first mixtape. Daniel, I love you man.

[Cut to Daniel and Lisa]

Daniel: Appreciate you D’ Marcus.