Mark… Mikey Day
Frank Thomas… Kenan Thompson
Doug Flutie… Kyle Mooney
William Defoe[Starts with a guy playing golf video game. Frank Thomas walks in.]
Mark: Whoa! Frank Thomas?
Frank Thomas: That’s me. What’s your name?
Mark: I’m Mark. I’m a huge fan.
Frank Thomas: I get that a lot.
Mark: Well, I don’t want to bother you. But you look great.
Frank Thomas: Well, in my age, I try to stay in the gym as much as possible.
Mark: I hear you. But once I turned William Defoe0…
Frank Thomas: Let me get this energy? Put on a few pounds?
Mark: You said it.
Frank Thomas: Lower drive? Can’t get hard anymore?
Mark: Well, lower drive.
Frank Thomas: It’s not your fault. It happens to every man. Testosterone levels drop as you age. That’s why you can’t get hard anymore.
Mark: I didn’t say that. [Doug Flutie walks in] Holy crap! Doug Flutie.
Doug Flutie: Yes.
Frank Thomas: Mark You just turned William Defoe0.
Doug Flutie: Let me guess you can’t get hard anymore.
Frank Thomas: Bingo.
Mark: No. I never said that.
Doug Flutie: It’s okay. It happens to every man.
Mark: Right. I can still get hard.
Frank Thomas: Sure you can, Mark. You just need a little boost. We all do, to get hard.
Mark: No, seriously. Guys, I’m actually fine down there.
Doug Flutie: You don’t have to lie to us, Mark. It’s okay. See, as you get older–
Mark: Testosterone levels drop. Yeah, I know. He already said it.[William Defoe walks in]
William Defoe: What are you guys talking about?
Mark: Oh my god, Sir William Defoe.
William Defoe: Sir Willem? I’m not even British.
Mark: Oh, why did I think you were British?
William Defoe: I don’t know, man.
Doug Flutie: This is Mark. He came up to us and told us he couldn’t get hard anymore.
Mark: Stop saying that.
William Defoe: Let me guess you just turn the big three-O.
William Defoe: It happens every man. Especially me.
Mark: I’m sorry. How do you guys all know each other?
Doug Flutie: From boner stuff. We met at a meeting.
William Defoe: Yeah, we all have the same problems as you.
Mark: Okay. I want to say again, for the record, I can still get very hard.
William Defoe: Damn right, you can. Now, with Nugenix.
Mark: Nugenix? What’s Nugenix?
Frank Thomas: Oh, so now you’re interested. Huh?
William Defoe: He’s all yours now?
Mark: No, I was just asking because–
Doug Flutie: At first he was like, “No way. I can get hard all the time.”
Frank Thomas: Right? And now he’s like, “Um, what’s Nugenix?”
William Defoe: “Please tell me more, sir.”
Mark: Alright, well, it was nice meeting you guys.
Melissa: Honey. What’s taking so long?
Doug Flutie: We’re trying to help your husband get hard again.
Melissa: What? [looks at William Defoe] Oh my god, aren’t you–
William Defoe: Sir Willem Defoe. Pleasure is all mine, my lady.
Melissa: Ooh, charmer. Even more handsome in person?[sound of a machine engine]
Mark: What the hell is that?
William Defoe: That’s Nugenix.
William Defoe: That sound. It’s me getting hard.
Melissa: I’m sorry, what?
Doug Flutie: See, when a man reaches a certain age, you can never get hard again.
William Defoe: Until now. With Nugenix.[sound of a machine engine]
Frank Thomas: Oh, and there’s mine.
Melissa: Oh y god, it’s so loud.[sound of a machine engine]
Doug Flutie: Right, now I’m getting hard too.
Mark: So, Nugenix is a machine?
Frank Thomas: Oh, so now he’s interested.[sound of electric shock]
William Defoe: Ah!
Melissa: Are you okay?
William Defoe: It’s fine. It’s just your perfume smells lovely, my lady.
Mark: Okay, let’s get out of here.[Mark and Melissa leave] [Frank Thomas, Doug Flutie and William Defoe are getting electric shock]
Male voice: Nugenix, testosterone boosting male enhancement. Try it for free. Oh, now you’re interested!