Marsha Blackburn… Cecily Strong
Colin Jost: Several Republican senators were criticized for asking irrelevant sensational questions during the Supreme Court confirmation hearing of Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson, here to comment is one of those senators, Marsha Blackburn.
Marsha Blackburn: Oh, Colin. Wow. What a week. All anyone is talking about are these confirmation hearings. Oh we crushed it. So many great smart questions. Are babies racist? Is murder bad? And those are real questions that my fellow Republicans asked an adult judge.
Colin Jost: Right, right. And what did you ask her?
Marsha Blackburn: Oh, I hit her with the coup de grâce? You ready for this? Define woman.
Colin Jost: Define woman?
Marsha Blackburn: Define woman. She couldn’t do it. I mean, hah?
Colin Jost: Well, kind of have a nuanced complicated question.
Marsha Blackburn: Complicated how?
Colin Jost: Well okay, how do you define woman?
Marsha Blackburn: Are you jerking my perm? You honestly don’t know? Colin, It’s simple. It’s biology, Colin, okay? It’s your private parts. But the ones you have when you’re born, but just the bottom private parts because the top ones can like– Or not. You know what? Okay, I’m gonna do– It’s your period. Got to have your period. Unless you’re old or young or pregnant or stressed out or doing gymnastics. No, you know what? Scratch that. I’m going back to baby privates. Final answer.
Colin Jost: Baby privates.
Marsha Blackburn: Colin, it’s not just biology. Okay. Woman is cheerleader, nurse, teacher, prostitute. Come on, you’ve seen them. They’re always cold, they’re the ones that be shopping.
Colin Jost: I really don’t know what you’re talking about.
Marsha Blackburn: Colin, yes, you do. You know woman is like, “Ah, ah, ah”, and man is like, “Oh, oh, oh.”
Colin Jost: Oh my god. You are not making any sense.
Marsha Blackburn: You are just not getting it. Let me show you. Oh, yes. Don’t we love these big stupid dumb ass boards? [pulls in a board] These big stupid dumbass pictures. Okay, come on. Look how simple it is. The color pink. The ones would be have hair does in the far side. Longer thinner cigarettes. They’re having fun dancing around in a commercial for underwear you can pee in. Did you get it, yet?
Colin Jost: I think I get it less.
Marsha Blackburn: Okay, well.
Colin Jost: Why is defining woman even relevant to a confirmation hearing?
Marsha Blackburn: Are you kidding? It is the most important thing for a Supreme Court justice. Because if you don’t know what a woman is, how the hell you’re gonna take her rights away? Can I get an Amen?
Colin Jost: No. Marsha Blackburn everyone.