Masked Singer

Nick Cannon… Chris Redd

Robin Thicke… Beck Bennett

Jenny McCarthy… Kate McKinnon

Ken Jeong… Bowen Yang

Nicole Scherzinger… Melissa Villaseñor

[Starts with The Masked Singer intro] [Cut to the host]

Nick Cannon: Happy holidays. Welcome to this special Christmas edition of the masked singer. I’m Nick Cannon, and if anyone knows how to beat Eminem in a feud, please let me know. We’re doing as always for our panelists.

[Cut to the judges]

Robin Thicke, Jenny McCarthy, Ken Jeong and Nicole Scherzinger.

[The panelist are all talking at the same time.

[Cut to Nick Cannon]

Nick Cannon:  Thank you, judges. Now we have a real special Christmas surprise for you all and a brand new contestant. Without further due, please help me welcome our new mystery man. Corn on the cob.

[cheers and applause] [music playing] [a singer comes in dressed as a corn.] [the corn singing with lisp]

Nick Cannon: Panelist! Any guesses who could be behind the mask? Robin?

[Cut to Robin Thicke]

Robin Thicke: I’m going out on a limb and say that’s Buck Wheat.

[Cut to the judges]

Jenny McCarthy: That’s definitely Buck Wheat.

[Cut to the singer dressed as a corn and Nick Cannon]

Nick Cannon: Let’s see if they’re right. Corn on the cob, he with all want to know. Who are you?

Audience: Take it off! Take it off!

[The singer takes off his corn dress]

Buck Wheat: Hi! I’m Buck Wheat. Remember me?

[Cut to Jenny McCarthy]

Jenny McCarthy: Oh, my god! I’m freaking out Buck Wheat, you are my idol!

[Cut to Buck Wheat and Jenny McCarthy]

Buck Wheat: Thank you very much.
Nick Cannon: Now, Buck Wheat, I heard you have more songs for us.

Buck Wheat: Yeah! I sure do. Take a listen.

[music playing] [Buck Wheat singing with lisp] [music stops] [cheers and applause]

Ken Jeong: Buck wheat, as a doctor, I’m comfortable diagnosing you as Nick Cannon00% juicy.

[Cut to Buck Wheat]

Buck Wheat: Oh, I like being oosy.

[Cut to Robin Thicke]

Robin Thicke: Now what’s next for the great Buck Wheat?

[Cut to Buck Wheat]

Buck Wheat: Well, I suppose it’s time for me to go make a deny.

[Cut to Nicole Scherzinger]

Nicole Scherzinger: Buck Wheat, wait. We just want you to know we’ve missed you the past Jenny McCarthy0 years. We love you and it’s good to have you back.

[Cut to Buck Wheat]

Buck Wheat: Thank you very much. Don’t worry about Buck Wheat. Just remember, wherever I am, I am doing Otay. [singing “Single Ladies” by Beyonge] O tinga Nedy O tinga Nedy

Office Apology

Glen… Beck Bennett

Jenny… Aidy Bryant

Janet… Melissa Villaseñor

Linda Pillard… Scarlett Johansson

Mikey Day

Charlie… Kenan Thompson

Amanda… Cecily Strong

David… Bowen Yang

[Starts with a man announcing in his office]

Glen: Okay, if I can just get everybody’s attention. I know things got a little wild at last night’s holiday party. But I just want to be clear, this is still an office. And we have zero tolerance for any workplace harassment.

[Cut to the employees applausing] [Cut to Glen]

Glen: All right, that being said, unfortunately, we have to fire our vice president of sales, Linda Pillard.

[Cut to the employees]

Jenny: Thank god.

[Cut to Glen]

Glen: And also our front desk guy, Charlie.

[Cut to the employees]

Everybody: Awe.

Janet: Not Charlie.

[Cut to Glen]

Glen: And if it’s okay, they’d both like to come up here and formally apologize. Come on out here, guys.

[Linda Pillard and Charlie comes out]

Linda Pillard: Hey, guys. I guess I had little too much to drink last night at the party and acted like and idiot.

[Cut to the employees]

Mikey: Oh, you think?

[Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Linda Pillard: To Janet specially. I think I may have mentioned some of your past inter office relationships in front of everybody. And that wasn’t cool. And I’m sorry.

[Cut to Janet]

Janet: It was more than uncool. It was humiliating, Linda.

[Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Charlie: And just to piggyback on that, Janet, last night after a little wine, I think I said something to you like, “Mm, mm, mm, girl, when you going to break old Charlie off a piece of that too?” And then I shook my head, did a little dance, and said, “Don’t you hurt nobody with that thing.”

[Cut to the employees]

Janet: Oh, Charlie, you’re so silly.

Amanda: Charlie, you crack me up.

[Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Linda Pillard: Right. And Amanda, I guess I upset you when I made a comment about your dress being a little short for a work event. And I’m sorry.

[Cut to the employees]

Amanda: Oh, you guess? Well, I guess you’re still a rude ass bitch. And that’s why you’re getting fired.

[all employees clap] [Cut to Glen]

Glen: Hey, hey. All right. Let’s keep it clean.

[Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Charlie: Amanda! I saw that dress too. And after a few of them vodkas. I think I might have said something to you like, “Mm, mm, mm, girl, that dress so short, all I see is donkey monkey.” Then I did a little dance. “Don’t you hurt nobody with that thing.” Out of line. I stand accused.

[Cut to the employees]

Amanda: Okay, Charlie, don’t start nothing you finish.

David: Come on, Glen. You can’t fire Charlie. He’s Charlie.

[Cut to Glen]

Glen: I’m not happy about this either, David. But this is above my pay grade.

[Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Linda Pillard: Whatever. Anyway, David, I vaguely remember this, but apparently I was being really obnoxious when I kept asking where you were really from.

[Cut to the employees]

David: Yep, and I kept telling you. Boston, you racist.

[the employees clap] [Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Charlie: To my man, Kung Fu.

David: Hey, Charlie. Lookie here, man, you know I had a couple of them bourbons last night and I maybe said something to you like, “Mm, man, if I was a gay man, your booty would be in trouble.” But I’m not so your booty all right. And then I did a little dance. I took a bow. And said “Don’t you hurt nobody with that thing.”

[Cut to the employees]

David:  Charlie, I really needed that. Thank you.

[Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Charlie: Nothing but love, Kung Fu.

Linda Pillard: Wait a minute. How is that not awful?

[Cut to the employees]

Jenny: Glen, you can’t fire Charlie. It’s almost Christmas.

[Cut to Glen]

Glen: Trust me, did I everthing in my power to just fire Linda today.

[Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Linda Pillard: What?

Charlie: Oh, Jenny, Jenny, Jenny. don’t you worry about me, baby. Maybe I can become the Grinch and bring it to your house. But instead of stealing all your presents, I’ll be stealing that ass. And it won’t just be my heart growing three sizes. Um, um. Girl, don’t you hurt nobody with that thing.

[Cut to the employees]

Jenny: I really appreciate that, Charlie.

[Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Linda Pillard: What the hell? It feels like you guys are going way easier on him than on me.

[Cut to the employees]

Mikey: Oh, my god! Get over yourself. It’s Charlie.

Amanda: Yeah. He’s just a sweet old man that had a little too much to drink.

Janet: We all did. It was a partly.

[Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Linda Pillard: But he’s still drinking right now.

Charlie: What this? Oh, this just a swallow to get me straight.

Linda Pillard: This is completely unfair.

Charlie: Girl, you are too fine to be so stank. Why don’t you slip on old Charlie like a pair of jeans?

Linda Pillard: What? You’re disgusting.

[Cut to the employees]

Jenny: Oh, just take compliment.

David: Yeah, he’s just being sweet.

[Cut to Charlie]

Charlie: You know what? Maybe she’s right. Maybe I did go too far. Is that why I’m getting fired?

[Cut to Glen]

Glen: Actually, that has nothing to do with why you’re getting fired. HR says your urine sample came back as Lipton iced tea.

[Cut to Charlie]

Charlie: Oh, you notice that.

[Cut to Glen]

Glen: Yeah. And you printed out pornographic pictures on the office copier and left them there.

[Cut to Charlie]

Charlie: Oh, all right. So it did work.

[Cut to Glen]

Glen: Also a woman who identified herself as her wife spray painted cheater on the company van thinking it was yours.

[Cut to Charlie]

Charlie: Well, I guess what happens in DeKado comes back nine months later.