Carl… Kenan Thompson
Michael Che[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: New York is expected to be the most expensive rental market in 2023. Here to talk about it is the new doorman to my building, Carl.[Carl slides in]
Carl: Ay! What’s up, Mr. Che? How are you doing, man? Just a little reminder, I noticed that you haven’t given me end of the year tip yet.
Michael Che: You just started.
Carl: Oh, well maybe soon then. Mam, you remember that night when things got wild? I talked to the police for you?
Michael Che: I don’t remember that.
Carl: I know right?
Michael Che: Yeah.
Carl: Hard to keep track of all the crazy nights when Mr. Michael Che is your tenant. Tough to remember which night is wild? And which night is just ruggle? Oh man, we living that life, Che.
Michael Che: We?
Carl: Yeah, man. We doing the damn thing? My dog. [looking around] So what’s this? What do you do here, man?
Michael Che: This is SNL, man. It’s my job.
Carl: Oh, okay. Oh, so you just out here making the big bucks in a half suit and jeans. Hey buddy, Che. Che.
Michael Che: What, man?
Carl: You know that lady came around looking for you again. Right?
Michael Che: Who?
Carl: You know the one. That lady. She like, real smart.
Michael Che: All right.
Carl: Always mad. She came to the building again asking about you, man. But don’t worry. I told her you moved to Jamaica. I did good, right?
Michael Che: Why would you say that? I’m absolutely here in New York on live TV right now.
Carl: Yeah, she ain’t watching.
Michael Che: Okay, well, thank you Carl.
Carl: Hey, Che! Che! You know, that little kid came around looking for you, right? He was talking about, “Tell Che my mama said he got to take me to the zoo.” He said his name was DeMichael or something. I don’t know, man. I’m just a vessel.
Michael Che: Oh my god. That’s not my kid.
Carl: That’s right. That’s what I told that little dummy. That’s right. Che, teamwork make the dream work. Up top, man.
Michael Che: Well, thank you for stopping by man. I really—
Carl: Hey, Che! You know, that dog came around looking for you, right? He got that bark like, “Hrrr, hrrr, Che, Che, Che, Che.” I swear, that’s what he’d be saying, man. I understood the dog talking. Yeah. Hey, man. Who is Cornelius?
Michael Che: I don’t know.
Carl: You sure? Because every night at eight o’clock, this man shows up and leaves one shoe on my desk and says, “Tell Michael Chang this is from Cornelius. And if he wants the other shoe, tell him to meet me under the bridge.” Bro, New York is wild, man.
Michael Che: Okay, now I know you have to go. I mean, I mean, who’s watching the building right now?
Carl: Oh, no. Don’t worry. I put a sign up there, says “If you look up Michael Che, just call 9Carl7-7Carl—
Michael Che: No, don’t give them my phone number.
Carl: Why not?
Michael Che: That’s against the rules.
Carl: It is? Well, I guess that’s why I’m a doorman and you here making crazy money using that desk to hide your dirty jeans.
Michael Che: Carl, my doorman, everybody.
Carl: Hey man, there were six cats looking for you.