Tag: Michael B. Jordan

Video Game Session

Stephen… Andrew Dismukes

Trace…Michael B. Jordan

Danny… Bowen Yang

Frank… Mikey Day

Marcello Hernandez

Stephen: Okay, guys, thank you for being here to lay down some voiceover for the much anticipated Street Fighter 6 game.

Trace: Excited to be here. Thanks.

Danny: Thrilled to be on board. Whoo!

Stephen: And thanks for coming in last minute, Danny. Our last actor Frank quit due to creative differences. And because I slept with his wife.

Marcello: Argh, actors.

Stephen: I know. So Trace, you’ll be playing Ken, a former US national fighting champ.

Trace: I’m totally in my element. I served for years.

Stephen: And Danny you are a martial artist seeking true strength, Ryu.

Danny: Whoo, love.

Stephen: All right, well, for this first take, let’s just get both of you recording efforts. Taking blows, landing hits, that kind of thing.

Marcello: I’m rolling.

Stephen: And action.

Trace: Uh, ugh, ah, hah, hai-yah, urghh.

Stephen: Yes, that’s great. Danny, let’s get the same from you.

Danny: Okay. Whoo! Wohoo! Ah-woo! Yay! Whoo!

Stephen: Let’s cut. Let’s cut.

Danny: That was really fun. Thanks for letting me play.

Stephen: Yeah, so I guess we were looking for more grunts, you know? You’re fighting, you’re in pain.

Danny: Oh, I see. [looking at Trace] So maybe do it like you’re fighting or you’re in pain.

Trace: Okay, got it. Got it. Got it.

Stephen: No, no, Trace. You don’t need to change what you were doing. But Danny, maybe it’s more aggressive, animalistic, that kind of thing.

Danny: Hmm, yes, Chef.

Stephen: All right. And Action.

Trace: Ugh!

Danny: Whoo!

Trace: Uh!

Danny: Aru!

Trace: Huuuh!

Danny: Woof!

Trace: Wouf!

Danny: Wouf! Wouf!

Trace: Hoof! Hoof!

Danny: Meow!

Trace: Oink!

Danny: Snake!

Trace: Ka-ka-doo-doo.

Stephen: Cut. Okay, no. Trace, don’t match what he’s doing.

Trace: Oh, okay. He’s just an amazing scene partner. So.

Danny: Thank you. And I was just taking your note. You said to do animals.

Stephen: Yeah, but I said a bunch of stuff before that.

Danny: Well, I have auditory recency bias. So you can’t say that to me. I could sue you.

Trace: Okay guys, guys. Please don’t fight. It reminds me of the war and of fighting.

Stephen: You know what? Let’s just move on. We need to get these quick verbal phrases to say during the fight. And action.

Trace: Take that.

Danny: Hey, I like your necklace.

Trace: What? This old thing? Thanks.

Danny: See? Kindness wins.

Trace: You’re right. Let’s not fight it.

Danny: Yay, I forgot to ask. What are your pronouns?

Trace: He/him.

Stephen: Cut.

Danny: I’ll tell him. Ken is he/they.

Stephen: Guys? We can’t use any of that.

Danny: Aww, that makes me sad. Is there a reason?

Stephen: Yes, it’s because no one sounds like that when they fight.

Trace: That’s actually not true. I mean, you remind me exactly as someone I served with in Iraq.

Danny: Oh, you went to Iraq? Where did you stay?

Stephen: Dan! Didn’t want to say this, but you just need to play a more hetero.

Danny: Okay, you should have just said that in the beginning. I got it. Let’s roll. Hey, brother, Ken, biceps looking huge.

Trace: You looking pretty swole yourself, bro.

Danny: I saw you changing in the locker room, but I was completely soft my dude.

Trace: How the hell do you know my name?

Danny: Hey, easy brother. My wife’s on this app.

Stephen: What are you talking about? This isn’t an app.

Danny: It’s a video game? Well, then brother. I’ll race you to the GameCube brother.

Stephen: What? Danny, Dan. Answered me honestly. Do you really think you would sound like this in a real fight?

Danny: Yes, I would brother.

[Frank walks in]

Stephen: Oh my god. Frank. What are you doing here?

Frank: I told you I’ll kill you for sleeping with my wife.

Trace: No. I’ll protect you. [pushing Frank] Ugh!

Danny: [hitting Frank] Whoo!

Trace: [slapping Frank] Ugh!

Danny: [pushing Frank] Meow!

Male voice: KO!

Stephen: Well, I’ll be damned. You two just saved my life.

Danny: No, Stephen, Ken and Ryu saved your life.

Roller Coaster Accident

Tanya… Chloe Fineman

Richard… Kenan Thompson

Francine… Sarah Sherman

Jason… Michael B. Jordan

[Starts with show intro]

Tanya: Welcome back to Good morning today. Later in the hour, we’ll be talking pitbulls. Who are they? What do they want from us and how are they so yoked?

Richard: But first, it’s time for America’s favorite segment, Cuisine with Francine.

Tanya: Can I just say I am so happy that Francine is back.

Richard: Yes, me too. As I’m sure most of our viewers know, Francine was gone yesterday because she got stuck on a runaway roller coaster going 150 miles an hour for 19 hours straight.

Tanya: But now she’s back better than ever and not the least bit face. Hi Francine.

[Cut to Francine. She has all her hair blown up and her mouth still open like air being blown to it.]

Francine: Hi Richard, hi Tanya. It’s great to be back. And I got some really exciting flavors to share with you all today.

Richard: Wow, Francine, you look nuts.

Tanya: Did you come here straight from the amusement park?

Francine: Sure did. Couldn’t be late to be back in the studio.

Tanya: Well, that’s great. Well, what’s on the menu today Francine.

Francine: Well, I hope you have your passports ready because today we’re off to Italia. Join me, will you?For a culture adventure that will have you say, “Mama mia.” Today we’re eating buffalo mozzarella, we’re gonna be eating crostini, cacio e pepe, and of course, a glass of chianti. Salute. [when she drinks the wine, the wine pours out of her mouth as it’s open] Now, that’s good vino.

Richard: Looks like that hit the spot.

Tanya: At least some part that got in.

Francine: Mmm, this is a complex wine. Almost as many twists and turns as my roller coaster ride from hell.

Richard: What?

Tanya: I think she I think she compared the wine to all those loop de loops. You know we actually have some video of that.

[cut to a video of a roller coaster running around very fast]

Richard: Yeah. Must be hard to watch, huh Francine?

Francine: What was that? I’m having trouble hearing you over the crispy crunch of my crispy crunchy crostini.

Richard: Alright, well, thanks Francine. Now it’s time for the weather with our very own Jason Burress.

[Cut to Jason. He also has all his hair blown up and his mouth still open like air being blown to it.]

Jason: Hi, guys. Coming in, and it looks like a doozy, all right.

Tanya: Obviously, we forgot to mention that Jason was also trapped on a roller coaster.

Richard: I actually think we have a picture of that.

[There’s a picture of Francine and Jason on a roller coaster]

Tanya: So how’s the weather looking, Jason?

Jason: It’s not good at all. We have snow coming in from the east. Uh huh. We have snow coming in from the west. Snow from the top, yeah. And snow from the bottom. Look, I’m dizzy as hell from the roller coaster ride.

Richard: Well, wait a minute. Something sure smells good.

Tanya: Oh, what are you cooking over there, Francine?

Francine: Just some minestrone soup. Be careful, it’s hot. You got to blow on it.

Jason: Umm, that looks dilicioso. [Francine pours the soup in Jason’s mouth. It gets spilled outside because his mouth is open.] Oh, dilicioso. Yes. It’s great. Dilicioso.

Tanya: Well, I guess you must be pretty hungry after that crazy ride.

Francine: Yes, the only thing we had to eat were the bugs that flew into our open mouths.

Jason: Bugs like bumblebees, cicadas, and one dog sized bat.

Francine: Now, that’s a spicy meatball. Would you care for some spaghetti, Jason?

Jason: Oh yes please. [Francine pouts the spaghetti in Jason’s mouth. It gets spilled outside because his mouth is open.]

Tanya: Oh my god, you guys are so cute together.

Richard: Of course. You probably got real close during your time together on the roller coaster.

Tanya: Wait, what are they doing now?

Richard: But think they’re doing a little lady in the tramp thing. Oh, so romantic.

Tanya: I’m sorry. Francine. Is there something under your shirt?

Francine: Oh, I lmost forgot. Say hello to my little friend. [It’s a bird that stabbed its head into Francine’s stomach]

Richard: Is that a bird kicking his little legs?

Jason: Yes, he flew straight into her stomach at 200 miles an hour.

Francine: The doctors say if I pull it out, both of us will die. Now, back to you guys.

Tanya: All right, coming up next, our exclusive interview with a teenage boy who operated the roller coaster, and why he did nothing to stop it.

Andrew: Two reasons. Too dumb and too high.

Party in Palm Springs

Vince… Michael B Jordan

Ego Nwodim

Sarah Sherman

Chloe Fineman

Punkie Johnson

Janinaneen … Heidi Gardner

[Starts with four ladies having a bachelorette party]

All: Cheers! Whoo!

Ego: After all this wedding planning, I needed this Palm Springs trip, okay?

Sarah: Well your bachelorette weekend ain’t over yet, honey.

[doorbell ringing]

Ego: Oh my gosh, don’t tell me. Don’t tell me.

Sarah: It’s about to get hot in here.

[Vince walks in in a Fireman uniform with a hose]

Vince: Hello ladies, my name is Vince. And I just got word that y’all buildings out of code. And that makes me horny.

[music playing] [Vince starts dancing]

Ego: You guys are so bad. This is what I’m talking about.

Vince: I’m about to introduce y’all to my friends, Pop and Lock. [showing his two arms]

Chloe: Yay, he’s so hot.

Sarah: You’re welcome. I saw him on the website and I was immediately rock hard.

Ego: Okay, okay. Mr. Pop and Lock, go on.

Punkie: Oh my god, this is crazy.

Chloe: Okay, how red is my face right now?

Vince: Well, we all gonna be off tonight girls. We all go on blush. Your turn bride to be.

[Vince danced in front of Ego] [doorbell ringing]

Ego: Oh-oh. Wait, do we have another firefighter?

Punkie: Not that we paid for.

Janinaneen: Hey, I’m sorry to bug y’all. Vince babe, my phone died.

Punkie: What? Who is that?

Vince: Oh, my bad. This is my wife, Janinaneen.

[Janinaneen walks in. She’s pregnant.]

Janinaneen: Hey. Sorry. I hate to ask. Can I change my Galaxy for literally two minutes?

Chloe: Sure. I guess.

Janinaneen: Oh, thank you so much. My mom got glute surgery today and we’re just praying she’s okay.

Vince: Wow, the hospitality is biblical. Thank you queens. Urgh. You alright, babe?

Janinaneen: Um, I’m charging. Oh, pictures on my mom’s new ass just came in. She made it. God is good. God is good. Okay, now watch my king strip. Hit it.

Vince: Where was I? Oh, yeah, I’ll introduce y’all to my friends, Pop and Lock.

Janinaneen: Oh yeah, there he is. Sit on them, Vince. Sit on them.

[Vince sits on Punkie and dances] [Janinaneen moves closer and puts her pregnant belly on Chloe’s face and starts dancing]

Yeah, he made this. He made this. He made this. He made this. He made this.

Chloe: Okay. No. Okay. I am so sorry. I can’t, you guys. I can’t.

Ego: Yeah, you know, I think I was envisioning just like one dancer and not like a pregnant woman with a really long phone charger.

Janinaneen: Girl, don’t hold back because of me. You can touch him. You can kiss him. I promise you, I don’t mind, [pointing at her pregnant belly] and she don’t mind.

Vince: See? See? See? I love that about us. 100% trust. [in Ego’s ears] Oh, I hope and pray to God you find that in your wedding. Oh. I hope and pray to god.

Ego: Okay. Thank you.

Vince: Hit it. Hit it. Because that one my friends, that keeps the relationship alive. It keeps the sexuality alive.

[Vince and Janinaneen start dancing. The ladies start to move away from them.]

Punkie: Okay. This is getting just a little bit weird.

Sarah: Guys, we already paid him the 30 bucks. Just let him finish.

Ego: 30 bucks? My peanut butter cost 30 bucks.

Punkie: Bitch, where you getting peanut butter?

Chloe: Okay, I’m sorry, are they praying?

Vince: I humbly thank God for the power strip. Umm.

Janinaneen: And I pray the lord for these Chickies for letting me charge my galaxy.

Both: Amen.

Vince: Whoo! Where was I? Oh yeah, that’s right. I was introducing y’all to my two friends, Pop and Lock.

Ego: We already met them.

Janinaneen: [putting the water hose between her legs like penis] Hey hoes, who wants to ride his hose? [She’s touching the hose on Chloe’s and Sarah’s faces]

Sarah: This is stressing me out. I feel like we’ll end up on the news.

Chloe: Okay, alright. Okay, alright, enough. We’re done. We’re done.

Punkie: Yes, this is not what we paid for. Okay?

Janinaneen: No, you got more than what you paid for. Three strippers for the price of one.

Ego: Ma’am please stop referring to your fetus as a stripper.

[Janinaneen’s water breaks]

Janinaneen: Oh my god, my water broke.

Chloe: Oh my god.

Ego: Wait, how pregnant is she?

Vince: Just a little over a year, but whatever.

Punkie: What? Oh my god. I’m calling an ambulance.

Janinaneen: WE don’t have time. I’ll have the baby here with my girls.

Vince: We got this, girls. We got this. Okay, hit the music.

[music playing]

All: Push, push, push. Push, push, push. Push, push, push.

Male Confidence Seminar

Andrew Dismukes

Ron… Bowen Yang

Devon Walker

James Austin Martin

Michael B. Jordan

Michael Longfellow

Marcello Hernandez

[Starts with a number of adult males in a confidence seminar]

Andrew: Say it again.

Ron: I’m strong. I’m desirable. People want to have sex with me.

Andrew: Now roar like a lion.

Ron: Rawr!

Andrew: Louder!

Ron: Rawr!

Andrew: Wow. Give it up for Ron everybody. Yes, I have chills. See? That’s what male charisma training is all about. Confidence. You see, I used to be a lot like you guys. Awkward, hated my body, walked around like this. But then I developed my social Mastery program. And now look at me. I stand like an alpha. I’ve got the scarf. I effing made it.

[everybody claps]

You. You’ve taken my class before, yes?

Devon: Yes, sir. Three times. Yeah. And I have an update. Actually, I got a girlfriend now.

Andrew: Hell, yes. What was your approach?

Devon: Well, she’s not a girlfriend. You know, she’s actually like a barista. So.

Andrew: Oh. But hey, introduce yourself, right?

Devon: No, sir.

Andrew: So you saw girl at a coffee shop? Cool round of applause for him. That’s not nothing, folks. That’s not nothing. Yes, a question in the back.

[Michael is there carrying a jar of water]

Michael: Yeah. Where do you want this water delivery?

Andrew: I don’t know. Dude, do I look like I work for the hotel?

[everybody laughing]

Michael: Oh, okay. My apologies. [he’s looking for a place to put it]

Andrew: You, question?

James: Yeah. I’m pretty lonely. I have a job. I feel like I’m doing everything right. I just get nervous that women are going to make fun of me if I approach them.

Andrew: Mm-hmm. And what do you do for work?

James: I critique female stand ups on YouTube.

Andrew: Sure, sure. Look, after one session here, nothing will rattle you. Okay? Watch this. Anybody out there? Anybody. Say the meanest thing you can think of me? Anybody?

Michael: [sitting quietly at the back] Forehead.

Andrew: Sorry, what does that even mean?

Michael: Forehead.

Andrew: Okay, sure. It’s just funny because I don’t like to have weird forehead.

Michael: Ha-ha-ha. Just keep talking, goofy.

Andrew: I’m not goofy. I’m actually regular. All right? Listen, when you approach a lady what you want to do is you want to take an alpha body stance. Broad shoulders.

Michael: Hmm, broad forehead.

Andrew: Sir! Sir, I’m fine if you stay. Just don’t interrupt me, please.

Michael: No, I might. I might.

Andrew: Okay, look, no matter what a lady throws at you, and they can say some pretty random stuff. Just roll with it. I’ll show you any volunteer. [Michael and James stand up] Oh, I think you stood up first, sir? [pointing at James]

Michael: Bro, if you’re cool with it, you know what I’m saying, you don’t mind if I do this, right?

James: Yeah.

Michael: Yeah. Yeah. See, Dexter’s Lab was cool with it. Go ahead, goofy.

Andrew: Not goofy. All right. I’m going to do what I call a basic opening. Hey, Goddess, what’s your name?

Michael: You a bitch.

Andrew: Hey. Hey. Just do the exercise. What’s your name?

Michael: Forehead Jackson.

Andrew: It’s not. Please sit down here.

Michael: Um, nah. I’m good here.

Andrew: That’s fine. Any final questions?

Mike: Yeah, I was wondering if you have any tips on coping with having a big old forehead?

Michael: I don’t have a big old forehead, okay? Not like you, dude. I’m cool. Got the scarf, the rings. You know, I’m in charge like immediately.

Michael: You got to Jimmy Neutron head, bro.

Marcello: He kinda does.

Andrew: No. No, my head’s regular. Not Jimmy Neutron.

James: Yeah, it’s like if Jimmy Neutron if he did street magic, that’s you.

Andrew: No, it’s not. Dammit.

Michael: Actually, actually, look. Y’all want to go get a burger? I feel like I could teach you some things.

[everyone agrees]

Andrew: Where are you guys going? I want to come too.

King Brothers Toyota

Randy… Andrew Dismukes

Shorty… James Austin Johnson

Brian… Michael B. Jordan

Randy: Hey there folks, I’m Randy King of King Brothers Toyota.

Shorty: And I’m shorting King Jr. And we are overstocked with Tacomas, Siennas, Corollas and even Highlanders, all at rock bottom prices as part of our King Brothers Toyota overstocked sale-a-thon!

Randy: So come on down to King Brothers Toyota off highway exit 260 Because deals like this don’t come often.

Shorty: Get your butt down the King Brothers Toyota right here in beautiful Brenham, Texas, off highway eight exit 260. Take the left lane.

Randy: You gotta get hard in that left lane. Because if you stay even one second in the right lane, you’ll get stuck in the massive overflow line for the new raising Cane’s.

Shorty: This restaurant is prohibitively popular y’all. The line backs up to the light onto the off ramp and into the highway. Do not stay in the right lane.

Randy: Hard. Hard left, y’all! Hard to the left when you take 260 or you’ll miss

Both: King Brothers Toyota overstock sale-a-thon.

Shorty: Why are we overstocked? I’m telling you why? Because nobody can get here due to the stupid long Cane’s line taking up all that road.

Randy: We have been absolutely screwed by the Brenham Chamber of Commerce, and their villain his patron Councilman Hugo Gallegos.

Shorty: Since taking office in May, Hugo Gallegos has defiled exit 260 with the Chipotle, In-n-out burgers, and now Raising Cane’s chicken finger baskets.

Randy: These trendy chains all come with their own massive drive thru lines managed only by a handful of any factual iPad teens.

Shorty: We are deep in the red folks, which is why corporate has sent us the nation’s best, most jacked Toyota salesman Brian Pat Moore.

Brian: These two are afraid to get their hands dirty, but not Brian Pat Moore. So Raising Cane’s, you have 24 hours to shut down your Burnham location. If you do not comply each hour, I will reveal to the public one ingredient to the secret recipe of your legendary Cane sauce. Don’t believe me? Check this out. Ketchup.

[Brian leaves]

Randy: We are drowning in Tacomas and we are trapped here. We literally cannot leave due to the longest hell Cane’s line.

Shorty: I personally have missed so many family events. Things like nieces christening, first daughter’s recital, and even little JC as Nathan Detroit in Guys and Dolls at the middle school.

Randy: I now speak directly to the coward Hugo Gallegos. You have defiled the ones beautiful exit 260, and if the big as Cane’s line is allowed to stand, King Brother’s Toyota will fall.

Shorty: My daughter Haley is a classics professor at Princeton community college, and she has described our plight as a funhouse mirror held up against the American dream. I said “I don’t know about all that baby girl. All I know is I’m getting effed in the A my Councilman Hugo Gallegos.”

Rando: But all is not lost, because we have sales warrior in Christ, Brian Pat Moore.

Brian: Well, well well. It seems the Fat Cat at Cane’s think this is some kind of game. Well, Brian Pat Moore don’t play no games. Next ingredient, pepper. And the clock begins anew. Tick-tock, Cane’s. Tick-tock.

Shorty: So come on down because time is running out.

Both: For King Brothers Toyota overstock sale-a-thon.

Male voice: King Brothers Toyota, off highway 9, exit 260, hard into that left lane. Get in that left lane hard. Hard to the left.

Jake from State Farm

Jake… Michael B. Jordan

Mikey Day

Heidi Gardner

[Starts with a clip of a daughter stuffing her toys inside toilet and her parents are frustrated]

Female voice: As a homeowner, you never know what’s going to go wrong.

Daughter: I wanted to give them a bath.

[Jake walks in]

Jake: Luckily, State Farm has you covered no matter what the issue. And what the State Farm, you can file a claim and second So you can get back to your life.

Heidi: Wow, that was easy. Thanks Jake from State Farm.

Jake: Like a good neighbors, State Farm is their.

Mikey: Guess I won’t be late for work after all.

Jake: One more thing. Is this dryer safe? [showing a stuffed animal]

Mikey: Bye, huh.

Heidi: Have a great day. [to Jake] Hey, do you want a cup of coffee?

[Mikey looks back suspiciously]

Jake: I’d love one.

Female voice: No matter what your insurance needs, State Farm has a policy for you.

[Mikey enters his home]

Mikey: Hello? [Jake is playing with his kids] Oh, Jake from State Farm, you’re still here.

Jake: Unlike other insurance companies, State Farm’s here for you 24/7.

Mikey: Right. So what’s the plan for dinner?

Heidi: Oh, Jake and the kids and I went out for pizza. But there should be stuff in the fridge to make a sandwich.

[Jakes leaving and Mikey’s watching Jake play with his kids] [Mikey wakes up the other morning. Heidi is not in bed.] [Mikey is watching TV. He hears car coming to his home. So he stands up and opens the door. Jake walks in with his wife and his kids.]

Jake: Wow, look who’s up, Sleepyhead. Think fast. [throws keys to Mikey]

Mikey: Hey, where the hell were you?

Heidi: Jake thought it’d be nice to take the kids to church.

Mikey: To church?

Heidi: Yes. To church. And I happen to agree. Now excuse me.

[Mikey is watching Jake teaching his daughter to play piano]

Jake: See? You’re getting better. You’re a natural. Give me some.

[Mikey is watching Jake playing ball with his son]

Jake: Oh, some heat.

[Mikey is watching Jake laughing with his wife] [Mikey is looking at Geico Insurance on the internet at night. Jake appears behind him.]

Jake: Looking for better rates?

Mikey: Jesus.

Jake: You know you won’t find them. State Farm’s rate match, even if you do find cheaper coverage, we’ll just match it. [kisses Mikey’s head and leaves]

Mikey: [to Heidi] This is my house and I want him gone. He is not a good neighbor.

Heidi: Get your finger out on my face.

[Jake walks in, pushes Mikey to the wall and whispers on his ear.]

Jake: [whispering]Save even more when you bundle home and auto.

[Mikey is sleeping on the couch. Jake is walking to the bedroom with Heidi.]

Jake: Sleep tight.

[Mikey is getting anxiety]

Mikey: [screaming] I just wanted a policy!

[Mikey is drunk and walking on a bridge]

Mikey: [singing] Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there
and here and in my bed with my wife
he took everything, everything

[police siren]

Police: Step away from the edge. You don’t have to do this buddy. [It’s actually Limu and Doug] LIMU and I can help.

Falling Down

Michael B. Jordan

Andrew Dismukes

[Starts with Michael B. Jordan walking in SNL office.]

Michael B. Jordan: [thinking] I’m feeling good.

Bowen: Hey, Michael. Looking good.

Michael B. Jordan: [thinking] I’m hosting Saturday Night Live.

Sarah: Michael. I think you’re so cool.

Michael B. Jordan: [thinking] It’s scary. But I’m Michael B. Jordan. There’s no reason to be nervous.

[Michael B. Jordan slips and falls down]

Ouff, no one saw me.

[Andrew is standing behind him]

Andrew: You okay there, bud?

Michael B. Jordan: Yeah. I’m good.

Andrew: All right. Be careful.

Michael B. Jordan: [thinking] Oh, okay. Little embarrassing, but at least it’s just Andrew Dismukes. It’s not like Kenan saw him before. It’s all good. I will not fall again. [slips and falls again]

Andrew: You okay there, bud?

Michael B. Jordan: Andrew, I didn’t see you there.

Andrew: It looked like it hurt.

Michael B. Jordan: It didn’t really.

Andrew: It looked like it did though. Are you okay? You want me to get the Nurse? Nurse? Michael B. Jordan just fell down again.

Michael B. Jordan: I said I was fine.

[Michael B. Jordan is looking at the mirror angrily]

Michael B. Jordan: [thinking] This Andrew Dismukes guy’s getting in my head. A Michael B. Jordan. I need to never fall over ever again. [slips and fall again]

Andrew: You okay there, bud?

[slips and fall again]

Andrew: You okay there, bud?

[slips and fall again]

Andrew: Timber! You okay though?

[slips and fall again]

Andrew: You okay?

[slips and fall again]

Andrew: You okay there, bud?

Michael B. Jordan: Andrew, stop seeing me fall down.

Andrew: Hey, man, I’m at work. You don’t want me to see you fall down, quit falling down where I work?

Michael B. Jordan: Whatever, just leave me alone.

Andrew: All right, bud. Just be careful. Okay.

[Andrew is walking to his office whistling. He turns on the light, there’s Bowen and Sarah sitting on the couch.]

Andrew: Hey, guys.

Bowen: Andrew, sit down.

Sarah: You have to stop seeing Michael B. Jordan fall down.

Andrew: I can’t help it. Sometimes he falls and I see.

Sarah: Andrew, when somebody falls down, you have to pretend like you didn’t see it.

Andrew: Well, I didn’t know that. Nobody told me that. You can’t get mad at me for something I didn’t know.

Michael B. Jordan: Guys. What’s going on?

Andrew: Nothing. And hey, next time you have a problem with me, at least have the cojones to say it to my face, instead of sending your lackeys to do your dirty work for you.

Michael B. Jordan: I didn’t tell him anything. All I said was that you keep seeing me fall.

Andrew: Well guess what? Sometimes you fall, and sometimes I there.

Michael B. Jordan: Well then, maybe you shouldn’t be around me at all then. Maybe you should leave and never come back.

Andrew: Whatever, man. I’m done. Done.

[Andrew leaves and Sarah stars crying]

Michael B. Jordan: [thinking] I couldn’t believe what I had done. I pushed away my best friend at the show, Andrew Dis-moe. After everything you’ve been through. Monday pitch in Lorne’s office. Tuesday, writing night. When Andrew got cut from a sketch because he did a bad job. Just throw it all away because he saw me fall down a lot? The show was about to start, but I couldn’t do it without him.

Female voice: Three minutes to air. Where is Michael? Anyone have eyes on Michael B. Jordan?

Michael B. Jordan: [thinking] I knew there was only one way to bring him back. [he runs outside the studio to get Andrew]

Michael B. Jordan: [falling down intentionally] I’m falling. Where are you, Andrew?

Andrew: I’m here. And we’re not falling. We’re flying.

[They’re flying around the building]