Mitch McConnell… James Austin Johnson
Herschel Walker… Kenan Thompson
[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: Last month, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell expressed concern about Republicans chances in the midterms blaming candidate quality. Here to explain what he meant is Mitch McConnell and Georgia Senate candidate Herschel Walker.
[Mitch McConnell and Herschel Walker slide in]
Mitch McConnell: Alright Che. Pleasure, pleasure.
Herschel Walker: Yeah, let’s go team. Alright.
Michael Che: So Herschel, you’re a former NFL player?
Herschel Walker: Yes.
Michael Che: With no political experience.
Herschel Walker: That’s right.
Michael Che: And you were caught lying about having three secret children?
Herschel Walker: Yes, sir.
Michael Che: So Senator McConnell, do you really think this guy’s ready to be a senator?
Mitch McConnell: It doesn’t matter what I think. It matters what I say and I’d say go Herschel Walker.
Herschel Walker: Ay, well, I love you too, Mitch Mechanic. You see, we not so different. Me and Mint are like two peas in a bag.
Mitch McConnell: All right, well, Herschel, you already said some pretty bizarre things that they’ve got some Republicans worried. I mean, for example, you said “Our good air decided to float over to China’s bad air. So when China gets our good air, the bad air got to move out.” What does that mean?
Herschel Walker: Oh, Che. I’ll slow down so you can understand. We all know air, right? Air bud, Air Jordan, Erin Brockovich.
Mitch McConnell: Indeed.
Herschel Walker: You see, science don’t understand. Everybody’s talking about climate. But what we really should be focusing on is putting Hawaii closer.
Mitch McConnell: Oh, yeah.
Herschel Walker: Bring that climate over here.
Mitch McConnell: That’s a good idea. How about that?
Herschel Walker: They don’t need it. They live. So, that’s something we need to look at very, very closely. Right Bish?
Mitch McConnell: Right. It’s Mitch.
Herschel Walker: Yeah, that’s exactly.
Mitch McConnell: Yeah.
Michael Che: Okay, well, Senator McConnell, I gotta ask. What qualification does this guy actually have to be in the Senate?
Mitch McConnell: There’s too many to name. First of all, he played football. And Georgia loves football.
Herschel Walker: Everybody loves football, baseball. In fact, man, catching balls is what makes us different from apes. Okay?
Mitch McConnell: That’s right.
Herschel Walker: Listen, if we come from apes, why are there still apes out there? Riddle me that Obama Michelle.
Michael Che: What are you talking about? Do you have any real policy proposals?
Herschel Walker: Of course, I do. You know what I wrote a few down for Mitchell on the way over here. Here, go ahead. Read that data. Mitch.
Mitch McConnell: Sure. Proposal number one, barbecue Tuesday.
Herschel Walker: There it is.
Mitch McConnell: Number two, let’s get a daytime moon, that way no more rain.
Herschel Walker: Boom.
Mitch McConnell: And number three, create a department of Instagram booty. Too many girls out here faking their cake.
Herschel Walker: You’re damn right.
Mitch McConnell: You know what? You know what, Herschel? Why don’t you just tell them about yourself?
Herschel Walker: Oh, okay. Yeah, thank you Stitch. I don’t mind if I do. Where’s my camera? Is it down here?
Michael Che: No, it’s right there, man. It’s there.
Herschel Walker: Oh, okay. Hi, America. My name is Herschel Bershell. And I play football for the US Senate. Whenever I’m in hard times, I think of the strength of our founding fathers. George Carver Washington, the Jeffersons, and Benjamin Frankenstein. They changed the world when they got together and wrote the Bible. And when I’m the government, we gonna see. Thank you.
Michael Che: Okay, Mitch McConnell and Herschel Walker, everybody.
Herschel Walker: We’re gonna be looking into that.