Tag: Mitchell

Jingle Pitch

Serena… Jenna Ortega

Mitchell… Mitchell Yang

Devon Walker

Chloe Fineman

Andrew Dismukes

James Austin Johnson

Serena: All right, troops. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. Since breaking off from Donald’s Donalds Dominguez to form Donalds and Dominguez, we have not landed a single new client. You know why that is?

Devon: No.

Chloe: Not really.

Mitchell: It’s because Donald’s Donald’s Dominguez had a phone number that was easy to remember. And everybody in town knows their famous phone number jingle.

Serena: That’s right. We don’t have that. Mitchell, remind everyone of our number?

Mitchell: Our number is 1-672-555-0136.

Serena: What we need is to turn that number into a super catchy jingle

Chloe: But Serena there’s no way to create a catchy jingle with a number like that.

Serena: That’s where you’re wrong. My fellow partners, last Tuesday, Mitchell and I were at Luciano’s.

Mitchell: And yeah, I was drinking. No, I was getting tanked.

Serena: Mitchell got tanked at Luciano. But then this band got up on the stage and sang the catchiest pop funk hooks I had ever heard. Come on in guys.

[two guys walk in]

Andrew: Hey there.

James: Hello lawyers.

Andre: We are Soul Booth.

Serena: Ladies and gentlemen, this is Soul Booth. And they’re here to save us.

Andrew: Worked out a few demos for you.

James: Yeah, we heard you needed a pop funk hook that’ll stick on the mind leg grapevines.

Andrew: Maybe something like this. Here we go. Do you remember this one.

James: I do man.

Andrew: Ha-ha. Here we go. Come on.

[music playing]

Both: [singing] One.
Six-seven
Whoo!
Two.
Then three straight fives.
The next number is 0.
One.
Three.
And six.
Who you’re gonna call?
Who you’re gonna call?
Who you’re gonna call?
Donalds and Dominguez
Donalds and Dominguez

Serena: Guys. I’m sorry, I don’t think that’s gonna work for us.

Andrew: Uh-huh. And why is that?

Serena: It just doesn’t sound like what we heard at Luciano’s.

Andrew: Oh. You want that Luciano’s sound?

James: Yeah, you want it Luched?

Mitchell: Yes. This track should make me feel like I’m pegged up at Luch. Understood?

James: Loud and clear.

Andrew: Crystal.

Devon: Yeah, and the numbers should be closer together.

Chloe: Yeah, I think the numbers should be much closer together.

Andrew: Uh-huh. So it’ll be something like this. Ha-ha. You know this one?

James: I do, man.

Andrew: All right. Come on. Here we go. Here we go.

Both: 1-672-555-0136
Donalds and Dominguez

Serena: Guys, come on. That’s totally wrong. And you call that a Luched-up track?

Mitchell: I should feel five daiquiris deep posted u at Luch right now.

Serena: What is so hard about that?

Mitchell: What is so hard about writing a jingle that feels like I’m getting decked down in the back Luch? Ringing back to cut me off but then not barback with the glasses looking like Mayim Bialik that’s making the act up. What’s so hard about that?

Serena: Can you do that?

Andrew: Yes, ma’am.

James: Can do.

Devon: Okay. Yeah. And the number should be presented somewhat like a phone number.

Chloe: Or just anywhere near that would be great.

James: I think we might have just the thing.

Andrew: Absolutely. Let’s take a trip y’all. Everybody. I want to take you somewhere. Somewhere where there is no race, no religion. A little place we call home. But you may know as Luciano’s. Here we go. Here we go.

Both: 16,725,550,136

Andrew: One more time, that feels so good.

Both: 16,725,550,136

Andrew: So, what do you think?

Serena: Mitchell, did they do it? Is it Luci?

Mitchell: Serena, not only can I now perfectly recall the phone number of our law office, but more importantly, I feel absolutely ass-out, daked down, and looched up. My only question is how much?

Both: $10,000.

Mitchell: Less.

Both: 40 each.

Mitchell: Deal.

All: 16,725,550,136

Office Boss with Cameron Diaz

Mitchell… Kenan Thompson

Nancy, Mrs. Patterson… Cameron Diaz

Kendra… Sasheer Zamata

Richard, Mr. Patterson… Beck Bennett

[Starts with a clip of a big house]

Mitchell: Well, thank you so much for having me and my wife over, Mrs. Patterson.

[Cut to Mitchell, Nancy and Kendra at the dining hall]

Nancy: Of course. Anything for my husband’s new CFO.

[Cut to Mitchell and Kendra]

Mitchell: Oh! Well, he hasn’t given me the promotion just yet.

Kendra: Oh, honey, he will. Where is Mr. Patterson anyway? I’m excited to meet him.

[Cut to Nancy]

Nancy: Well, he’s just finishing up some work upstairs. Now, Kendra, there’s three things that you should know about my husband. He’s the most brilliant man that I have ever met. His stories can be a little dry though. And he has the body of a baby.

[Cut to Mitchell, Nancy and Kendra]

Kendra: What’s the third one?

[Cut to Richard sitting on the stairs, moving around his legs.]

Richard: Oh, hi there. Hope everyone brought their appetites.

[Cut to everybody]

Nancy: There is the man at the hour.

[Cut to Richard]

Richard: Be down in just a sec.

[Richard slides down.]

Oopsie daisy! Mitchell, so glad you could finally come over for dinner. Those last quarter of numbers are definitely a cause for celebration.

[Cut to Mitchell and Kendra]

Kendra: Honey, what am I looking at?

Mitchell: You’re looking at the man who’s gonna make me CFO.

[Cut to Nancy]

Nancy: Come join us at the table sweetheart.

[Cut to Richard]

Richard: Yes, ma’am.

[Richard stands up like a baby. He cannot balance on his feet properly.]

Boss man walking.

[He walks like a baby to the table]

Oh! Nancy brought out the good China. [Richard grabs the place in front of him] This was a gift from Warren Buffett.

[Richard starts shaking the plate here and there like a baby then bites the plate.]

[Cut to everybody. Richard passes the plate to Mitchell]

Mitchell: Oh! Thank you.

[Mitchell bites the plate too.]

[Cut to Richard]

Richard: Uh, Mitchell, why are you sucking my plate?

[Cut to Mitchell and Kendra]

Mitchell: I do not have an answer.

Kendra: So, Nancy, how long have you two been married?

[Cut to Nancy and Richard]

Nancy: Well, it will be 10 years in October. Mitchell, has Richard ever told you the story of our engagement?

[Cut to Mitchell and Kendra]

Mitchell: He hasn’t.

Kendra: I actually have a lot of questions about your relationship.

[Cut to Nancy and Richard]

Nancy: Well, Richard and I, we’re in Greece and I just knew he was going to propose.

[Richard starts putting his hand on Nancy’s face]

[Nancy kisses Richard’s hands.]

So, we’re on this beautiful boat cruise. The sun is setting.

[Richard is putting his hand on Nancy’s face again. Nancy blows on Richard’s hand.]

Everything is perfect and he eats the ring.

Richard: I did, I ate it.

Nancy: The next day, I found it on his diapy and I said, “Yes.” Shall we eat?

[Cut to Mitchell and Kendra]

Kendra: Sure, that story made me really hungry.

[Cut to everybody taking their seats.]

Nancy: Go ahead, everybody. Take a seat.

Mitchell: Oh, I’m sorry. It looks like we need one more chair.

[Cut to Richard on a baby walker.]

Richard: No, got my own.

[Richard walks forward on baby walker.]

So, Mitchell, how are we looking for next quarter?

Nancy: Ah! Ah! No, no, no, no! No work at the table. In fact, Richard and I have a bit of an announcement to make.

Richard: That’s right. We’re having a baby.

[Cut to Mitchell and Kendra. They are shocked.]

Kendra: Oh, wow.

Mitchell: For real?

[Cut to Nancy and Richard]

Nancy: I’m excited but nervous. You know, I don’t know anything about being a mom.

[Nancy feeds Richard like she’s feeding a baby making different noises.]

Pup-pup-pup. Yum-yum-yum-yum.

[Cut to Mitchell and Kendra. They are shocked.]

[Cut to Nancy and Richard]

Nancy: Yum-yum-yum-yum. Who’s the good boy? There you go.

Richard: Well, I’m not worried. You’re gonna be a great mother.

Nancy: Aw!

Richard: Come here, you.

[Nancy leans forward for a kiss, but Richard blows on her mouth.]

[Cut to Mitchell and Kendra.]

Mitchell: Could we maybe just do a little toast here? Congratulations.

[Cut to everybody. They all raise their glasses.]

Everybody: A toast.

Richard: Oh! Look at that. [Cut to Nancy and Richard] A lemon. I’ve been meaning to try one of these.

[Richard takes the lemon on his glass and puts it in his mouth, then spits it out.]

Hmm, it’s good. It’s tart.

Nancy: It seems like you don’t like it sweety.

[Cut to Richard. He eats the lemon again and makes funny faces.]

Richard: No, I do. It’s just– It’s strong. Well, you two should probably head out. I’m tired-tired and I wanna go night-night.

[Cut to Mitchell and Kendra]

Kendra: It’s 7:15.

[Cut to Nancy and Richard]

Nancy: I know. That’s very late for him. Okay, Richard, let’s say goodnight. [Nancy stands up] High five, come on.

[Mitchell walks to Richard giving him a palm to high-five on]

Mitchell: High-five, buddy.

Nancy: High-five. He usually does it. It’s so weird. High-five honey. Come on.

[Richard high-fives Mitchell’s palm like a baby]

Mitchell: Yay!

[Kendra walks in with her palm for Richard to high-five on]

Nancy: You too, Kendra. High-five, honey.

[Richard high-fives Kendra’s palm like a baby]

Nancy: Yay!

[Cut to everybody]

Richard: Wow, that was great. Oh, and Mitchell, I’ll see you on Monday, CFO.

Mitchell: Thank you, baby boss.

[Mitchell and Kendra runs out]

[Cut to Nancy and Richard. Richard is moving his hand everywhere and he touches Nancy’s back]

Nancy: Ooh! Wow! Well, well, look who’s feeling frisky.

Richard: That’s right. How about a bath?

Nancy: I’ll go fill up the kitchen sink.

[Richard is happy]

[cheers and applause]