Weekend Update: Moby’s Trump Confession | Season 44 Episode 19

Michael Che

Colin Jost

[Starts with Michael Che in his set. There are pictures of bugs at right top corner]

Michael Che: Scientists are saying that in order to meet the world’s demand for meat, they are exploring the possibility of eating maggots, locusts, and other bugs, or and hear me out, salad. Eat a salad.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There are pictures of Donald Trump and Moby at left top corner]

Colin Jost: In an upcoming book, singer Moby claims that at a party he once knob touched Donald Trump. Which is when you take out your penis and you brush it up against another person. Moby’s book is titled, “Stories no one wants.”

[The picture changes to HBO Game of Thrones bumper]

The battle Winterfell episode on Game of Thrones has been become the most watched program ever in HBO’s history with more than 17 million viewers, all using the same ten HBO go passwords.

[Cut to Michael Che. There is picture of Pope Francis at right top corner]

Michael Che: Pope Francis met with more than 200 Italian catholic hairstylists and warned them about the temptation of gossip in beauty salons. Especially when that gossip is, “Did you hear what happened to those altar boys?”

[Cut to Colin Jost. There is a picture of soap at left top corner]

Colin Jost:  Police in Pennsylvania are searching for a man who stole more than $200 worth of soap and crab-meat, which coincidentally are the exact ingredients in Peeps.

[Picture changes to Mark Zuckerberg]

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg posted that he’s created a sleep box which helps his wife with insomnia by staying dark through the night and then lightning up when it’s time for her to wake up. That story again, Mark Zuckerberg makes his wife sleep in a coffin.

[Cut to Michael Che. There is picture of a news saying ‘Woman stung 20 times on head’ at right top corner]

Michael Che: An Arizona woman suffered more than 200 bee stings after a heavy wind blew a beehive on her head. But tragically, no one filmed it.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There is a picture of Applebee’s drink at left top corner]

Colin Jost:  I got to follow that? For the entire month of May, Applebee’s is serving a margarita for $1 called the dollar-rita, after which you’re guaranteed to come down with a case of dollar-rhea.

[Cut to Michael Che. There is a picture of jelly fish at right top corner.]

Michael Che: Scientists have discovered a new species of Jellyfish with a transient anus that appears only when it needs to expel waste and on its husband’s birthday.