Gina… Selena Gomez
Kyle Mooney[Starts with a group of friends gathering]
Chris: Dude, your house is sick.
Ego: And you’re sure your parents are gone for the night?
Gina: Oh, totally. It’s their anniversary. So they’ll be fighting in a nice restaurant for the next six hours.
Kyle: That’s so cool.
Chloe: I can’t believe they trust you to be home alone.
Gina: Well, somebody had to watch the twins.
Ego: Wait, the twins?
Gina: Yeah, my baby brother, baby sister. Look, they’re on the baby monitor.[Cut to video of her brother and sister sleeping. They look too small.]
Chloe: Aww, they’re so sweet.
Ego: I guess I didn’t realize for babysitting.
Chris: Yeah, I thought we were gonna rage tonight.
Gina: No, we could still totally party all night long. On that note, who wants to drink my dad’s beer?
Kyle: Me.[babies start crying]
Chris: I think babies are up.
Gina: Don’t worry, she’ll bo back to sleep.
Chris: I think she actually just woke up her brother.[babies crying loudly]
Damg, their eyes are freaky.
Ego: Yeah, looks like when you catch raccoons.
Gina: Guys, come on, let’s focus. Let’s get this party started.
Kyle: Sounds like they’re still crying though.
Chloe: Shouldn’t you go in there and like, comfort them or something?
Gina: How? You’re supposed to like, let themselves sooth.[babies crying loudly]
Ego: That doesn’t sound like self soothing.
Gina: They’ll be asleep in two seconds. I promise.
Chris: Yeah, I don’t think so. Now they’re doing laps around the crib.
Gina: Oh, that’s good. That will tucker them out.
Chloe: I’m not so sure.
Ego: Yeah, I don’t know how to say this. But it looks like they’re stunting a buck wild.[the babies are doing backflips]
Gina: I gave them one M&M each before bed, so they’re loaded with sugar right now.
Ego: Wait, are you allowed to give babies chocolate?
Gina: Yeah, Megan, they’re not dogs. They’re babies. Guys, I thought you wanted a party?
Kyle: We did. But this is definitely more interesting.
Chris: Yeah, looks like they’re fighting.
Gina: Oh, they’re just roughhousing? It’s what siblings do.
Ego: Wait, actually I have a baby brother and sister and I’ve never seen them do that.[They’re fighting wildly]
Chloe: Oh my god. Do something before her head flies off.
Gina: Oh. Fine. I’ll go give them a piece of bread or something.
Ego: Wait, are babies supposed to eat full pieces of bread?
Chris: I don’t think so. But the babies definitely seem to like it.
Gina: All right, now who wants to focus on getting wasted?
Kyle: Honestly, I don’t want to get drunk anymore. I just want to sit here and watch these babies go hard.
Chris: Wait, what the hell?[Now there are three babies]
Third baby: Hey, ma.We gotta need bread. Milk! [laughing]This bread is dry.
Ego: Who is that?
Gina: I don’t know. Sometimes he’s there and sometimes he’s not.
Chris: That’s not concerning to you?
Gina: No. Now, who wants to chug hand sanitizer and try out my dad’s underwear?
Kyle: None of us.
Chloe: Gina, Why are you acting so crazy?
Ego: Gina, why are you trying to party so hard? These babies need you.
Gina: Look, guys. This might come as a complete shock to you but I’m not a huge party girl. I’ve never even had a sip of alcohol.
Kyle: Yeah, obviously.
Chris: Wait, what? What are you looking at?[the babies are looking at the baby monitor and laughing]
Chloe: Is that a baby monitor?[Ego finds a camera turned at them]
Ego: Oh my god. They’re watching us.