Drake Monologue

Drake

[Starts with SNL monologue intro.] [band is playing music one the stage]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Drake.

[Drake walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]

Drake: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. It’s great to be back on SNL. Where’s Toronto at? Toronto in the house tonight? Yeah? So, as you can tell, I’m from Canada and I know what you’re thinking, but no, you can not move in with me if Trump wins. I’m sorry. That’s a no. I really am glad to be here, but you’ll have to excuse me if I seem a little upset. Backstage, right before I came out, my friend showed me this meme he found online and it, and it just, it really shook me. It was a picture of me dancing in my Hotline Bling video and some joker had put a caption on it that said “when you farted and got away with it.” And if I’m being real, like it hurts, you know. Seems like this keeps happening to me. I dunno. It’s almost like all I can do is sing about it. So…

[Drake gets a mic]

I’m ready.

[singing] Drink Swiss with some old friends
That’s when it happens again
I start I hearing from a whole fam

that I got cloud on Instagram
trying to hide my reaction
when I read the funny caption
feels like I’m in a bad dream
cause I got turned into another meme, yeah.

I just wanna scream
that I’m more than a meme, that’s right
I just wanna scream
that I’m more than a meme, that’s right
catch me looking with those bedroom eyes
asking if you’re gonna finish those fries?
trying to say you really care about me
But then you put my picture on E T

how can I explain to my mama
when you got my beard on Obama
I do not complain, I’m not a whiner,
but why am I sitting on the Seinfeld diner?
I feel like I’m swimming up stream
against everybody’s memes
Why do they attack me?
And then in fact my favorite team

Look, I’m not just a picture, I have feelings too

Like how would you feel if it happened to you?
if I came after you did a meme or hurting?
Yeah, cause your sketch got cut at the dress rehearsal? Aidy?
What if I found your moment of pain
and use the ball Mount comedy game
now you know what I mean?
I am more than a memed

and look, I get that my face is expressive,
but some of that means all that an aggressive,
I would just say it’s a little excessive
when you go make me the face of Progressive

and the meaning gets distorted
I can only help but feel like crying Jorda
n
I’m more than a meme

Oh ladies and gentlemen, do I have a treat for you tonight? Rihanna is here tonight. Make some noise.

[Rihanna’s ‘Work’ starts playing]

[Drake wears a wig]

Oh, I’m so excited to be here. Oh my god! Oh my god!

Yeah.

See Drake in a meme, meme, meme, meme, meme, meme
But I got them unseen, seen, seen, seen, seen, seen
I swear we only friend, friend, friend, friend, friends

Alright, Rihanna is incredible. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for her, please.

For me it’s take it as a side of self esteem
feels like I’m the victim of the internet scheme
It’s just hard than it seems
You don’t love me for me, you just love me for memes

Listen, we’ve got a great show. Drake is here as musical guest. Stick around, we’ll be right back.

Brie Larson Monologue

Brie Larson

Beck Bennett

Bobby Moynihan

Pete Davidson

Kate McKinnon

[Starts with SNL monologue intro.]

[band is playing music one the stage]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Brie Larson.

[Brie Larson walks in and to the stage]

[cheers and applause]

Brie Larson: Thank you. Thank you so very much. Hey everybody, it is so wonderful to be here. As I hope you all know tomorrow is Mother’s Day. So it’s fitting that I’m hosting tonight because I played a very strong mother in a movie every kid should watch with their mom on Mother’s Day called ‘Room’. Don’t do that. The movie is pretty intense. 10 minutes, and my own mom went to go get popcorn and just never came back. Speaking of my mom, she’s here tonight. [Cut to Brie’s mom in the audience] Happy Mother’s Day, mom. Are you excited for the show?

Brie’s Mom: Yeah, I love Alicia Keys.

[Cut to Brie Larson]

Brie Larson: Okay, cool.

[Beck walks in]

Beck: Hey Brie, sorry to interrupt. I forgot it was Mother’s Day tomorrow. Do you mind if I do special message for my mom?

Brie Larson: Oh, yeah. Of course Beck, yes.

Beck: Thanks. [looking at the camera and putting his arm around Brie’s shoulder] Hey mom, so this is the girl I’ve been telling you about. See? I told you she’s real. And a girl.

Brie Larson: [removing Beck’s hand from her shoulder] Maybe not that.

Beck: Oh right, sure. And, um, happy Mother’s Day. I love you.

Brie Larson: We’re not dating Beck.

Beck: Ha-ha-ha-ha. Good looks and a sense of humor. You look out there babe, I’ll be waiting in the dressing room. [whispering] Ask here where, oh!

[Beck leaves]

Brie Larson: For the record, miss Bennett, I am not dating your son. But since it’s Mother’s Day, if anyone else has a message for their mom, come on up.

[Bobby walks in]

Bobby: Oh, I do Brie. Is that okay?

Brie Larson: Sure. Go ahead, Bobby.

Bobby: Hey mom, do me a favor. Get the remote, go in my room and record all seasons of Vanderpump Rules. Thanks mom. Happy Mother’s Day. I love you.

Brie Larson: You live with your mom?

Bobby: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. I pay rent.

[Bobby walks out and Pete walks in]

Pete: Hey Brie, um, my mom’s watching tonight. So do you mind if I said something?

Brie Larson: Um, Pete, we’re kind of running low on time now.

[Pete’s mom walks in]

Pete: Oh, okay. Okay mom, Brie Larson said she doesn’t have time for you.

Brie Larson: Oh-okay. Okay, Pete. I didn’t know that your mom was right there. Of course, hi, happy Mother’s Day. Say something.

Pete: Oh. Happy Mother’s Day, mom. I love you.

Brie Larson: It’s so sweet that you brought you mom tonight.

Pete: She comes, um, every show.

[Pete and his mom walks out]

[Kate walks in]

Kate: Hey Brie, can I bring my mom up here?

Brie Larson: Of course.

Kate: Come on, ma.

[Kate’s mom walks in]

Kate: Brie, loved you in the movie ‘Short Term 12. She just wanted to meet you.

Kate’s mom: Well, who doesn’t like a good Brie?

Kate: She wrote that.

Brie Larson: Ha-ha, yeah. [Kate and her mom leave] Oh, it’s my turn. Mom, can you please come up here?

[Brie’s mom walks in]

You’ve been so supportive to me over the years. Endless words of encouragement. And as a token of my appreciation, I got you a front row seat to the hottest show in New York.

Brie’s mom: Hamilton?

Brie Larson: No mom, no. This show. And we’ve got a great one. Alicia Keys is here. So stick around. We will be right back.