Girlfriends Talk Show with Scarlett Johansson

Morgan… Aidy Bryant

Cara… Cecily Strong

Camton Krethers… Scarlett Johansson

[Starts with Girlfriends Talk Show intro] [Cut to Morgan and Cara in the show set]

Cara: Oh, my god. Hi.

Morgan: Welcome to Girlfriends Talk Show.

Cara: It’s your girl Cara coming at ya’.

Morgan: And I am Morgan approaching cautiously from the side.

Cara: Awesome! We’re BFFs.

Morgan: Ya heard?

Cara: Morgan’s super pumped coz it’s prom week.

Morgan: I’m so excited. I’m gonna match my eye shadow to my dress, to my nails, to all the crystal clips in my hair so I’m like one big color.

Cara: Now, all you need is a date. And that’s why I asked a very special guest here today.

Morgan: Is it Todd Baker? My bus crush?

Cara: No, he is weird. His family owns and lives above and art shop.

Morgan: Yeah, but doesn’t that mean he’s cool?

Cara: No. It means his parents are selfish. Today’s guest is going to help us all get in the prom spirit coz she was last year’s prom queen, Camton Krethers.

Morgan: Camton Krethers?

[Camton walks in]

Camton: Thanks for having me.

Cara: What’s up?

Camton: Just keeping it boogie 100.

Morgan: Boogie 100?

Camton: Ya, you know, doing my thing, bling, bling, bling.

Morgan: Cara, why is she here? Last year I asked her to sign my yearbook and she wrote, “No, thanks” in it.

Camton: That was last year, Morgan. I’ve grown up since then. But you have to admit it was funny.

Morgan: What? It didn’t even make sense.

Cara: So, Camton, what are your tips for this year’s prom?

Camton: Well, first up, don’t spend too much on a dress. More than $1,500 is so ratchet.

Morgan: $1,500? I think that’s what my mom makes in a week

Camton: Tip number two, practice your picture pose. Avoid duck faces, so ratchet.

Morgan: Last year, Donna and I had an unflattering picture pose. My date Donna’s waist chain got caught on my princess sleeve.

Camton: Who is Donna?

Cara: That’s Morgan’s mom’s divorced friend, who’s now Morgan’s friend.

Camton: Oh, ya. I remember her. She was the one in the scarves who kept yelling at the DJ to play more Chris Isaak Wicked Game?

Morgan: Yeah, that’s a beautiful song. [singing] I don’t wanna fall in love 

You can hear the years of pain in his voice.

Camton: Your singing just gave me years of pain. You are so ratchet.

Morgan: No, I’m not.

Cara: Ya, ratchet.

Morgan: Well, you think you’re so great. Guess what? I know the secret prom theme this year.

Camton: No, you don’t. No one knows yet.

Morgan: Ya, I know. And I’m sitting tight on it. Coz the principal told Donna and Donna told me coz she knows how good I am at keeping secrets coz I’m very trust worthy.

Cara: The prom theme is, “Imagine all the people.” Morgan told me.

Morgan: Cara! Do you realize what you’ve just done? You may have ruined my trust with at least two or more people. If this gets back to Donna, it’s gonna take some serious over charge to win her trust back.

Cara: Awesome!

Morgan: She has been brunt by life many times.

Cara: Awesome! First topic…

Morgan: Corsages

Camton: Promposals.

Morgan: Wait, what the freak is a promposal?

Camton: Well, if you don’t know, it means you’ve never been asked.

Cara: It’s a really cool elaborate way for a boy to ask you to the prom.

Camton: Um-hmm. Like, say, you’re making a postcard of legos and it says, “Hey, Lego to prom.” Do you get it Morgan? Do you understand?

Morgan: Yes, you basic B!

Cara: Morgan, chill! Alright. Why don’t we each say what our dream promposal would be?

Camton: Well, my BF Evan covered my Mercedes in sticky notes that spelled out, “Camton, go to prom with me.” I didn’t expect to see my Mercedes that way. My dad was like, “What is going on with your Mercedes?”

Cara: What’s your’s, Morgan?

Morgan: My dream promposal would be the wheelchair kid from Glee would wheel down a flaming ramp with a sign that said, “Morgan, will you push me to prom?” And then, I would push him all night long.

Camton: What about you, Cara?

Cara: Well, my boyfriend’s older. He’s worried that he’ll feel out of place since he graduated from the class of 1979. So, I’m going all by myself and he’s gonna watch me from security cameras he hacked in to. I’m supposed to linger by the Punch booth 915, then try to drink the whole thing using only my hands. If I do it, he’s gonna buy me a season pass to Six Wags. My boyfriend’s crazy.

Camton: That’s all the time we have.

Morgan: Hey, that’s my line. I say that.

Cara: Hey, chill out, Morgan. She’s a former prom queen, so she gets to.

Morgan: Jokes on her. She may be prom queen but I’ll be the prom long after her stacking up the chairs. So, suck on that reality pop!

Cara: Awesome!

Morgan: And that is all the time have we have. Damn!

Cara: Alright! See you at the prom. Bye!

[The End]

Girlfriends Talk Show with Amy Adams and One Direction

Morgan… Aidy Bryant

Cara… Cecily Strong

Megan… Amy Adams

Dancer guys… One Direction

[Starts with Girlfriends talk show intro]

Female singing: Girlfriends talking about guys and stuff
Girlfriends talking about you guys and clothes
Girlfriends talk show.

[Cheers and applause] [Cut to Morgan and Cara at their set.]

Cara: Hi, I am Cara and this is how I do me.

Morgan: Yeah. And I am Morgan, and I do myself a few different ways.

Cara: Morgan, don’t say it like that. We’re BFFs.

Morgan: Yeah, Best Fabulous Females.

Cara: I haven’t seen Morgan in a while coz she has been really busy with the school dance team.

Morgan: Yeah. My involvement with the dance squad has basically taken over my life. It’s my passion. It’s totally eclipsed loom art.

Cara: Then you’re gonna love our surprise guest, Morgan. I invited captain of your dance squad. She’s gonna tell us how good you are.

Morgan: Oh, no. Ask me first. Always!

Cara: Please welcome Megan Carter Cosgro.

[Megan walks in a cheerleader outfit and sits beside Cara.] [cheers and applause.]

Megan: Hi, Cara. Thanks for having me on your show. Morgan and I haven’t seen each other in a long, long time.

Cara: Why, isn’t she in your dance squad?

Megan: Well, that is a really interesting question. Is Morgan on my dance squad?

Morgan: Hmm, mother earth, please, take me away. Give me the powers of flight.

Megan: Um, do you wanna tell her the truth, Morgan? Coz, I’m known as the sweetie and I think the answer will embarrass you.

Cara: So, just say it Morgan.

Morgan: Very well. I am a fourth alternate. I basically just hang out and I wait for a disaster to happen to someone.

Cara: Awesome! First topic… Dance moves—

Morgan: [interrupting Cara] True life angel stories.

Cara: Dance moves.

Morgan: Oh, no.

Megan: Yeah, Morgan. Since you claim to be a part of the team, you must know all of the dances.

Morgan: Oh, this is a girl trap. I can feel it.

Megan: Let’s do, body pump 2,000.

[music playing] [Morgan and Megan stand to dance.] [Megan dances but Morgan is just shaking her body.]

Cara: Well, one of you wasn’t doing the dance and my gut says Morgan.

Morgan: I was just marking it. I’m saving it out for the show.

Megan: But you’re not in the show.

Morgan: Okay. Well, if four girls get hurt, I am in the show. So, you better take your chewable vitamins along with your bitch sandwich and then go ahead and sit on the sandwich as well.

Cara: Morgan! Chill out.

Megan: The real reason Morgan isn’t in the team is because she seizes up when any of the guy dancers are around.

Morgan: Not true.

Cara: Good! Coz they’re here.

Morgan: The guys?

Cara: Yeah. Please welcome Bret, Parker, Brandon, Brason and Scot.

[The guys walk in dancing wearing the matching outfit as Megan]

Bret: What’s up, Morgan?

Parker: Hello, Morgan.

Brandon: What’s up, girl?

Brason: Yo!

Scot: What’s up?

Brason: Long time no see, girl.

Scot: How’s your guinea pig?

[Cut to Morgan and Cara]

Morgan: I wana-ta-ta-yai-yai… [she can’t speak] [Cut to everybody]

Megan: See?

Cara: Morgan, make a word.

Morgan: G-G-G-Gout!

Bret: Hey, Cara.

Cara: Hey.

Parker: Hello, Cara.

Cara: Hi.

Brandon: What’s up?

Cara: Hi.

Brason: What’s up?

Morgan: Wait, how did they all know you?

Cara: Oh, they’re all my ex-boyfriends. No hard feelings, right guys? People change, people move on, people grow.

Megan: Yeah, I heard you’re dating a cool older guy.

Cara: Yeah! My boyfriend’s older. He lives on a house boat now coz of water laws, coz he hates housing taxes. He says they’ll have to price taxes from his cold dead hands. I’ve never been on it. Every Sunday, I go to the dock and stand on a shrimp cage and eat a lobster roll while he watches from a tiny port hole. Sometimes I can see one eye looking at me. Other times just a mouth laughing. My boyfriend’s crazy!

Parker: As long as you’re happy…

Brandon: We happy!

Megan: Guys, you know what would make great TV? Us dancing.

Bret: Hey, Morgan. Can I have this dance with you?

Morgan: Oh, my god. I am blasting out of my pants right now.

Cara: Morgan, you didn’t mean to say that out loud I think.

Morgan: No, you are right. Cara, let the dancing begin.

[music playing] [everybody are dancing, including Morgan] [cheers and applause]