Jeremy… Bobby Moynihan
Ms. Dodson… Margot Robbie
Kyle Mooney
Fishman… Kenan Thompson
Mikey Day
Alex Moffat
Cecily Strong
[Starts with Jeremy listening to the music staring at Ms. Dodson in the library. Ms. Dodson is a librarian.]
[Kyle comes in and slaps on Jeremy’s forehead.]
Kyle: Snap out of it, you Donkes.
[Jeremy’s friends come to sit with him
Jeremy: Come on!
Fishman: Drooling over Ms. Dodson again?
Jeremy: Shut up, Fishman.
Mikey: I heard Ms. Dodson hooked up with a student once.
Jeremy: Oh, man! She’s so hot.
Kyle: [mocking] Oh, she’s so hot. You Donkes!
Jeremy: Come on, Nate! Don’t be an anus!
[Ms. Dodson slams a book on their table]
Ms. Dodson: Shh!
[Ms. Dodson turns around and walks back]
Jeremy: Whoa!
Alex: Ask her out, Jeremy!
Jeremy: No way.
Fishman: Ay, Ms. Dodson.
Jeremy: [whispering] Shut up!
Fishman: Jeremy thinks you’re hot.
[guys giggling]
Jeremy: Fishman, what are you doing?
Ms. Dodson: Is that true, Jeremy?
Jeremy: Um, no– it– no. I’m– ugh! I mean, yeah.
[Ms. Dodson walks towards their table]
Ms. Dodson: Well, Jeremy, what are you gonna do about it?
[music starts playing]
[Ms. Dodson takes off her glasses and opens her sweater.]
Jeremy: Oh yeah.
[She pulls her skirt up.]
Fishman: Oh yeah.
[She loosens her hair.]
Kyle: So beautiful.
[Ms. Dodson starts pulling her hair off]
Jeremy: Oh no!
[Ms. Dodson is bald.]
Mikey: Oh no.
[Ms. Dodson peels off a banana, throws the banana and eats the banana peel.]
Jeremy: Oh no.
[Ms. Dodson swallows the whole lollipop with the stick]
Kyle: Not the stick!
[Ms. Dodson takes her teeth off, her real teeth are disgusting.]
Fishman: What is happening?
[Ms. Dodson shows her tattoo of a student.]
Jeremy: Haley Joel Osment?
[Ms. Dodson shows another tattoo]
Mikey: Haley Joel Osment now?
[Cecily walks to Ms. Dodson and they start getting intimate]
[Ms. Dodson breaks Cecily’s neck and smiles at boys]
Fishman: Straight up murderer?
[Ms. Dodson walks to the boys and gets on the table crawling towards Jeremy. She looks scary.]
[Ms. Dodson has her tongue like snake, licking Jeremy on face.]
[Ms. Dodson’s saliva drops on the table and the table is burning.]
[Ms. Dodson slowling ripps off her shirt and shows her breasts.]
[All the boys stare at her breasts]
Boys: Oh yeah.
[All boys’ heads pop bursts.]