Tag: Music

Weekend Update- The Village People on Donald Trump Using Their Music

Colin Jost

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: Well, if you’ve been watching the Trump rallies, you’ve probably noticed Trump dancing to the village people. If you haven’t, let’s take a look.

[Cut to a video clip of Donald Trump dancing during his rally.] [Cut back to Colin Jost]

Yeah, it’s wonderful. So, here now with a message in response to Donald Trump are the village people.

[music playing] [Village people walk in to the set dancing]

Kenan: [singing] Stop it, yeah I’m talking to you
I said stop it, this is long over due
because we never said that we support you
you must pay us to use our songs

Donald, because of all your lies
we’re playing hardball and we got a surprise
he’s a lawyer who you might recognize
he is Alan Dershowitz
He’s gonna send you a cease and desist
get ready for a cease and desist
Alan knows where you been, yeah he knows what you’ve seen
on that island with Epstein

[Colin Jost stands]

Colin Jost: Hey, hey, hey. [music stops] Hold on. You can’t just say that.

Kenan: What? I mean, why? It’s just music, man. We’ll just sing it.

Colin Jost: No, because that’s a really serious allegation. Also, isn’t Alan Dershowitzz for Trump?

Kenan: Oh, he flipped.

Colin Jost: And do all of you feel the sam way about this? I mean you’re all from different walks of life, right?

All: Yes.

Kenan: I mean it’s kind of complicated. You see…

[music playing] [singing] The soldier said that you let him down
and the gay man said you don’t want him around
and the native is sick with covid-Colin Jost9
only the construction workers still believes

[the construction worker with them is wearing a MAGA t-shirt]

Although he is only one man
he must comply with all of our demands
so we voted and came up with a plan,
we will strike at any moment
I promise you we will shave Ivanka’s head
you’re damn right we’re gonna shave Ivanka’s head
we’ll set up a fake salon, yeah it won’t be that hard
and she’ll look like a leprechaun

[Colin Jost stands again]

Colin Jost: Hey! Hey! Stop. Wait. You’re saying you’re going to shave Ivanka’s head? You can’t just say that. That’s gotta be a felony.

Kenan: Hey, man. Everything is legal if you sing it in a song.

Colin Jost: That’s not true. Village People everyone.

Michael Che: For Weekend Update, I’m Michael Che.

Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.

Pete Davidson “Drake” Music Video

Pete Davidson

[Music video starts with Pete Davidson recording in his home] [music playing]

Pete Davidson: [rapping] I’m just– I’m just here to have fun my friend

[Subtitle reads “From his mom’s basement.”]

we’re just making so much money. Wearing watches and getting beautiful women. You know, I’m just wearing this chain and I don’t know what to do. 

Uh-yeah

This is a Drake song
I miss my ex, this is a Drake song
number one on the Billboard
number one on the Billboard

This is a Drake song
I miss my ex, this is a Drake song
Number one on the Billboard
Number one on the Billboard

And I need you now
But you in New York and I’m in Macau
I’d be with you, but this is an obstacle
It’s just, it’s not physically possible
Like Mission Impossible, I’m Tom Cruise
Don’t wanna be losin’ you, I take a cruise in you
Penélope Cruisin’ too
I’m a tough guy, but hey, my heart take bruises too, uh

You are my love, you are my love
My baby girl, my number one
My baby girl, my number one
Like my Billboard song

This is a Drake song
I miss my ex, this is a Drake song
Number one on the Billboard
Number one on the Billboard

This is a Drake song
I miss my ex, this is a Drake song
Number one on the Billboard
Number one on the Billboard

Pete Davidson “Andre 2000” Music Video

Pete Davidson

[Music video starts with video clips of money, cars and Pete Davidson fooling around] [music playing]

Pete Davidson: [rapping] Yeah, this is that new rapper
you know, flexing with everything I’ve got
here we go
it’s for moms
Yeah, VIP (Okay)

I got $2,000
I got $2,000
It looks like a lot in the video
But it’s only $2,000

I’m a new young rapper on the block
About $2,000 is all I got
I put it in the video in every shot
It’s t$2,000, it’s all I got
But it looks good in the video
But it’s only 20 hundreds though
If what I’m rappin’ is good, yo, then
Maybe you won’t notice, oh

I got $2,000 (What?)
I got $2,000
It looks like a lot in the video
But it’s only $2,000

Andre 2000, call me Andre 2000 (What?)
Andre 2000, can’t afford 3000
What?

Sound of Music- Rolf and Liesl

Rolf… John Mulaney

Liesl… Cecily Strong

Beck Bennett

Kate McKinnon

[Starts with show schedule]

This is Turner Classic Movies. Up next it’s “Fiddler On The Roof For Wasps, The Sound Of Music.”

[Cut to Rolf standing alone in a room. Liesl runs in.]

Liesl: Oh Rolf, you waited.

Rolf: Oh Liesl, I was beginning to think you wouldn’t come.

Liesl: Sorry I’m late. The captain made me sing in a night gown in front of all his friends.

Rolf: The captain’s your dad, right? Yes, and I’m worried about him. Papa says I’m too young to be in love but I think I love you.

[music playing] [singing] I am 16, going on 17
I know that naive
fellows who meet me tell me I’m sweet
and willingly I believe

Rolf: That’s true.

Liesl: You are 17, going on 18

Rolf: Actually I’m 33

Liesl: Wait, what?

Rolf: I know I look young and I said I’m young
But I lied, I’m 33

Liesl: You’re 33? But, you ride a bicycle.

Rolf: Oh, that’s because I’m very poor, darling.

Liesl: And you live with your mother.

Rolf: Wow, she’s got a list. Look, you’re only as old as you feel. Liesl, do you know what statutory means?

Liesl: No.

Rolf: It means I looked it up and we’re on the right side of the cusp.

Liesl: I don’t know, Rolf. It’s a pretty big age difference. And I don’t want to say this but there’s rumors that you’re maybe a Nazi maybe.

Rolf: Focus on the age stuff.

Liesl: Well, I don’t know if I can trust you.

[music playing]

Rolf: [singing] Don’t be dramatic it’s not a great look
trust me I know what guys like

Liesl: But I am 16

Rolf: And I am 38
I’ve had some birthdays since we started talking

Liesl: 38? But you said 33.

Rolf: Oh, let me explain.

[singing] I am 33, next month I’ll be 39
baby I’m 41

Liesl: Rolf?

Rolf: Liesl? I know you’re freaked out but this is Austria, 1930-bad. In a few months, this will be the least of your worries.

Liesl: You keep saying stuff like that.

Rolf: Can I help it that I’m attracted to you? You’re so mature and sophisticated.

Liesl: Really? You think I seem older?

Rolf: Yes. What? With the complaining and those hefty naturals? Honestly, when I first came to the house, I thought you were the mom.

Liesl: Oh, I don’t know. You’re a geriatric telegram boy. And I’m rich and good with puppets. So you do the math.

Rolf: I know I’m not perfect. But I’ve talked to mother and I’m moving out.

Liesl: Really? You bought a house?

Rolf: No. I rented. With roommates.

[singing] Ricks and Hans and Kevin and Girble

and four other guys named Hans

Liesl: That’s a lot of Nazis. But I still don’t know how I feel about dating an older guy.

Rolf: Oh, Rolf. Age is just a number that the government keeps track of. For example,

[singing] I am 46

Liesl: That’s older than my father

Rolf: Damn how sexy is that?

Liesl: I do like attention and not to mention
my brain’s not totally formed

Rolf: Oh, Liesl. I like that so much.

[a man and a woman walk in with two other guards.]

Woman: That’s him.

Man: Stop it at once!

Liesl: Papa?

Rolf: Oh, hello Gaylord.

Man: Oh, shut up.

Rolf: But that’s your name, isn’t it? Gaylord Vantrap.

Man: Yes. But you know what you’re doing.

Woman: Oh, just arrest the pervert.

Man: Hey, how old are you by the way?

Woman: [singing] I’m old enough but it’s still kind of dicey

Man: Lehi-ho lehi-ho lehi-um-hmm.