Willie… Kenan Thompson[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: The vaccine has been rolled out with about a thousand Americans taking it this week, but I don’t know guys. I’m still feeling skeptical. So, to cheer me up is the most optimistic guy I know, my neighbor Willie.[Willie slides in] [cheers and applause]
Willie: Hey, Michael. Oh, man. It’s a Christmas miracle. The vaccine is finally here.
Michael Che: I don’t know if I trust this vaccine, Willie.
Willie: Oh, I was skeptical too, Michael. I’ve been searching for that vaccine since March. And I was starting to give up hope.
Michael Che: What do you mean you were searching for the vaccine?
Willie: Well, you know. I’d go down to the city park, pick up some needles up the ground, try them out.
Michael Che: Willie, that is very dangerous.
Willie: Well, Michael, if you want to hit the lotto, you got to crack some eggs.
Michael Che: What?
Willie: Finally, I just got lucky and CEO of Pfizer personally knocked on my window to give me the vaccine.
Michael Che: Are you sure that was the CEO of Pfizer?
Willie: Of course, Michael. Unless that was just some African dude making it up.
Michael Che: Yeah.
Willie: No. It was him.
Michael Che: Willie, aren’t you worried about the side effects?
Willie: Oh, Michael, we all have birth defects.
Michael Che: I said side effects.
Willie: But that’s not the vaccine’s for. At most, it makes you a little sleepy. But you wake up in a tub of ice good as new.
Michael Che: In a tub of ice?
Willie: Well, it’s like they say, Michael. “They replaced your organs with newspaper again, Willie!”
Michael Che: Oh, man.
Willie: I guess I’m just a little more trusting than doctors since my grand daddy worked in medicine.
Michael Che: Really?
Willie: Yeah. He was famous too. He was the first person chosen to take a miracle vaccine that would make his town safe again. And it worked too.
Michael Che: What vaccine was that?
Willie: It was called “The lethal injection”.
Michael Che: Willie, I’m still worried about taking that shot.
Willie: Oh, Michael! You sound just like my old dog Lucias. He didn’t want to take his shot either. He’d run and hide until we found a little trick. We put some peanut butter on the barrel of the rifle and he ran right to it.
Michael Che: Rifle?
Willie: Yes. It’s like they always say, “You can’t make a fur coat out of just one dog, Willie!”
Michael Che: Willie, this isn’t making anybody feel better.
Willie: Oh, Michael! Michael! This has been a tough year for everybody. But we can still get through this. You know, I was pretty sick myself this year.
Michael Che: Oh, I didn’t know that, Willie.
Willie: Yeah. I followed all the rules. I wore mask. Kept 500 feet away from schools. But I still got affected. I had all the symptoms. Heavy cough, no sense of smell or taste, tiny bumps on my peepee, could barely breathe. But did I let that stop me from beat boxing at the nursing home?
Michael Che: I really hope it did.
Willie: No, sir. It’s like they always say in show biz, Michael. “You wiped off St. Mary’s village, Willie!”
Michael Che: Willie, everybody!