Will Farrell
Kyle Mooney
Alex Moffat
[Starts with Will Farrell inside an elevator. A woman is walking from far.]
Woman: Hey, hey, hold the door.
[Will Farrell holds the door. His armpits are sweating a lot.]
Male voice: You’re a man. And men sweat. In all sorts of stressful situations.
[Cut to Will Farrell walking in office]
Will Farrell: Yeah, I’m a guy. The way I sweat, my regular deodorant just wasn’t cutting it anymore. I work hard, I play hard. And something’s coming out about me real soon. Because I’m [showing the product ‘Next’] Next.
Male voice: Introducing Next. The only antiperspirant for men who are feeling the heat. Because their time’s up.
Kyle: In my life of work, sweat comes with the job. And ever since those rumors came out about me, it got a lot worse. [Kyle walks to the Stand Up comedy stage] [on mic] Hey, how’s everybody doing tonight?
[Cut to the audience. Everyone is getting a notification. They look at it. There’s a news article with Kyle’s photo saying ‘Not so funny: 8 women accuse stand up of harassment.’]
Oh, boy. It’s happening. But not under here. [showing his armpit]
[Cut to Alex walking on the red carpet]
Alex: As an actor, I need an antiperspirant that’s gonna keep working with me. Because no one else will.
[Alex runs into an interviewer]
Interviewer: What do you say about these allegations?
Alex: Um, lots of women are brave but this one is a liar. And no comment. [Alex raises his hand to show his armpit] Wow, no sweat.
Male voice: For when the truth comes out about you, Next gives you clinical strength antiperspirant.
[Cut to Will Farrell walking in his office]
Will Farrell: And just a little bit of Klonopin, these next few weeks are gonna sting.
[Will Farrell walking into the elevator. He is carrying his stuffs from the office in a box. Looks like he’s fired.]
Kate: You’re disgusting.
Will Farrell: But my pits aren’t. I got fired.
Male voice: Next. Brought to you by– [notification alert sound] Oh boy, they got me.