Home 2

Jim Parsons… Taram Killam

Rihanna… Sasheer Zamata

Kendrick Lamar… Jay Pharoah

Missy Elliot… Leslie Jones

Nicki Minaj… Taraji P. Henson

Sofia Vergara… Cecily Strong

Rick Ross… Kenan Thompson

[Starts with DreamWorks Sneak Peek video bumper.] [Cut to a trailer of animated movie ‘Home’]

Male voice: This April, DreamWork’s newest animated movie ‘Home’ is  dominating the Box Office. Thanks to the voice of Jim Parsons as a lovable alien outcast.

[Cut to Jim Parsons doing the voiceover]

Jim Parsons: My hands are in the air like I just do not care.

[Cut to a girl from animated movie]

Male voice: And Rihanna as an earth girl with an attitude.

[Cut to Rihanna doing the voiceover]

Rihanna: Our tradition is to punch you in the nose. Ay-ay-ay.

Male voice: So, DreamWorks is already at work on Home 2. With Jim Parsons and more hiphop than you can handle. Featuring characters like Twee Tor, the alien voiced by Kendrick Lamar.

[Cut to Kendrick Lamar doing the voiceover]

Kendrick Lamar: Yo, I’m Twee Tor

so let’s hit the skies in my bubble car

it runs a milk shakes from here to the north star

Male voice: It’s a G rated run featuring the OG’s of rap. Including Missy Elliot as Boop the sky.

[Cut to Missy Elliot doing the voiceover]

Missy Elliot: Well, I’m not from this galaxy. I’m from [mumbles]

Male voice: Nicky Minaj doing double duty as star cops Thwick & Thwack.

[Cut to Nicki Minaj doing the voiceover]

Nicki Minaj: I’m all so sorry but you’re under inter-gallectic arrest.

Jim Parsons: Well I’m–

Nicki Minaj: [interrupting] Bro, I ain’t sorry, coz Thwack don’t apologize.

Jim Parsons: You don’t under–

Nicki Minaj: You have the right to remain silent.
Jim Parsons: Oh!

Nicki Minaj: But I won’t remain silent. I have a right to remain violent.

Jim Parsons: Do I need to be here for this?

[Cut to animated movie clips]

Male voice: You’ll be spending all of your young money on this funky fresh sequel, featuring Sofia Vergara as nurse Bickle Bam. With Rick Ross as Sky Cat.

[Cut to Sofia Vergara and Rick Ross doing the voiceover]

Sofia Vergara: Oh, you have a wound rash.

Rick Ross: Sky Cat!

Sofia Vergara: You don’t have to say your name before every line.

Rick Ross: [looks around] Sky Cat!

[Cut to animated movie clips]

Male voice: And we’re pulling out all the hiphop starts with Alt rappers Die Antwoord, as alien babies Peebo & Quiggles.

[Cut to Jim Parsons and Die Antwoord members doing voiceover. Jim Parsons is scared of them.] [Cut to animated movie clips]

Be sure to download the Home 2 soundtrack, featuring the hit single, Hustle Home.

[Cut to Jim Parsons singing]

Jim Parsons: [singing] Hustle home…

[Nicki Minaj comes in]

Nicki Minaj: [rapping] Don’t send me with a hustle
I’m the almighty hustler
They all must be talking
but nobody touch us

Male voice: Home 2. Coming this summer

Celebrity Family Feud

Steve Harvey… Kenan Thompson

Blake Shelton

Adam Levine… Taran Killam

Pharell Williams… Jay Pharoan

Christina Aguilera… Cecily Strong

Keith Urban… Kate McKinnon

Nicki Minaj… Sasheer Zamata

Harry Connick Jr. … Beck Bennett

Steven Tyler… Kyle Mooney

[Starts with the game stage of Family Feud]

Announcer: It’s time to play Family Feud Celebrity Edition. Here’s your host, Steve Harvey.

[Steve Harvey walks in] [cheers and applause]

Steve Harvey: Welcome to Celebrity Family Feud. Y’all like this suit? It’s the first suit made by Hennessy. Yeah, they used to make fine cognacs. But thought that they give clothing a try. Yeah, it’s got a little pocket for a little 5 ouncer.

Okay, today we got celebrities from [Cut to the judges of The Voice] The Voice, taking on the team from [Cut to the judges of American Idol] American Idol.

[Cut to Steve Harvey]

And leader of The Voice team is metrosexual lumberjack Blake Shelton.

[Cut to Blake Shelton]

Blake Shelton: Hey, Steve.

[Cut to Steve Harvey]

Steve Harvey: Now, Blake, America knows you as a coach on The Voice. You ever tried singing yourself?

[Cut to Blake Shelton]

Blake Shelton: Yes, Steve. I’ve sold like, 7 million Amazon on the radio all the time.

[Cut to Steve Harvey]

Steve Harvey: Not in my neighborhood. Okay, next to Blake from the band Mark Maroon-5 is sexy, smothering, soprano scare crow, Adam Levine.

[Cut to Adam Levine]

Adam Levine: Hey! How you doing, Steve? Hope you check out my new album and my proactive commercial.

[Cut to Steve Harvey]

Steve Harvey: Oh, I would check out both, but I already went through puberty. And we also got fashion icon, Pharell. You looking good, playa!

[Cut to Pharell Williams]

Pharell Williams: Well, thank you. I got this hat from Smokey the Bear. All of you can prevent force fire, huh!

[Cut to Steve Harvey]

Steve Harvey: Ay, I like you. any man who starts his day dressing from his hat down is okay with me. Then we got pop diva, Christina Alelera.

[Cut to Christina Aguilera]

Christina Aguilera: Hello, Steve. It’s an honor for this proud Latino woman.

[Cut to Steve Harvey]

Steve Harvey: Latino? Girl you Latino the same way Tacobell is Mexican food. And here in the American Idol team with a voice from god and hair from Jennifer Aniston, is a country singer, Keith Urban.

[Cut to Keith Urban]

Keith Urban: Steve, it’s lovely to be here.

[Cut to Steve Harvey]

Steve Harvey: Wait a minute. You’re Australian? Country music is supposed to be about living in the middle of nowhere and drinking beer, and starting fights. Okay, yeah, that’s Australia. And over here with her body turned up to 11, it’s Nicki Minaj.

[Cut to Nicki Minaj]

Nicki Minaj: I’m here to have fun, but I came to win!

[Cut to Steve Harvey]

Steve Harvey: Um, excuse me. I think this brass doll is possessed. Over here, he is the number one album seller of all time in Starbucks, it’s Harry Connick Jr.

[Cut to Harry Connick Jr.]

Harry Connick Jr.: Thanks, Steve. You’re a gentleman and a scholar.

[Cut to Steve Harvey]

Steve Harvey: Hey, I like your music. Makes me feel like I’m in a white barber shop. And finally, one of the world’s greatest lady rockers, Ms. Stevey Knix.

[Cut to Steven Tyler]

Steven Tyler: Come on, man! I’m Steven Tyler! [shouts somethings] [Cut to Steve Harvey]

Steve Harvey: Steven Tyler? I don’t know, player! You look like a dream catcher came to life. Either way, let’s get two players up here.

[Cut to everybody. Blake Shelton and Keith Urban are walking to the buzzers.]

Keith Urban and Blake, look at this. You look like him if he ate one of those Super Mario Brother mushrooms. Blagaga-blgaga-blagaga. Now, how long has American Idol been on?

Keith Urban: About 12 years.

Steve Harvey: And what about The Voice?

Blake Shelton: 4 years, but we’re on our 17th season.

[Cut to Steve Harvey]

Steve Harvey: Yeah, NBC does run hell lot of that show. I see y’all on TV more than that Mutant-X Boogerman. Hilarious.

[Cut to Steve Harvey, Blake Shelton and Keith Urban]

Okay, top 5 answers on the board. We asked 100 people. Name something you never ask a woman.

[Blake Shelton presses the buzzer]

Steve Harvey: Blake Shelton.

[Cut to Blake Shelton]

Blake Shelton: What did I do, Maranda?

[Cut to Steve Harvey, Blake Shelton and Keith Urban]

Steve Harvey: Trouble just follows you, don’t it? Show me, ‘What did I do wrong?’

[Cut to the show screen. There is ‘What did I do wrong’ in the answers.]

Wow! [Cut to Steve Harvey, Blake Shelton and Keith Urban] Man, I can’t believe that’s up there.

Blake Shelton: Well, I say it a lot.

Steve Harvey: Keith Uban?

Keith Urban: Alright.

Steve Harvey: Something you never ask a woman.

[Cut to Keith Urban]

Keith Urban: Well, something I say all the time is, “Who did your highlights?”

[Cut to Steve Harvey, Blake Shelton and Keith Urban]

Steve Harvey: Yeah! Yeah, I once got my mustache highlighted. [Cut to Steve Harvey] I looked like a black Captain Crunch.

[Cut to Steve Harvey, Blake Shelton and Keith Urban]

Let’s see, ‘How did you get the lady hair?’

[Cut to the show board. There is ‘Do you dye your hair?’ in the answers.]

Close enough. [Cut to Steve Harvey, Blake Shelton and Keith Urban] American Idol, you got the point.

Keith Urban: Alright!

[Steve Harvey and Keith Urban walk to American Idol side.]

Steve Harvey: Okay, Nicki Minaj. Nicki Minaj. Something you never ask a woman.

[Cut to Nicki Minaj]

Nicki Minaj: I get this all the time. I’m gonna say, “Is it real?”

[Cut to Steve Harvey and the American Idol team.]

Steve Harvey: Don’t matter. Real or not, I’m smacking it. Show me, ‘Is it real?’

[Cut to the show board. It’s not in the answer.] [wrong answer buzzer]

Oh, not on there.

[Cut to Steve Harvey and the American Idol team.]

Harry Connick Jr., what do you never ask a woman?

[Cut to Harry Connick Jr.]

Harry Connick Jr.: Steve, there’s nothing that makes a lady hit the road faster that looking her in the eye and say, “Well, you know I’m not Michael Bublé, right?”

[Cut to Steve Harvey and the American Idol team.]

Steve Harvey: I hear you, player. I dated a woman for three years who thought that I was Ving Rhames. Ving Rhames. Show me, ‘not who she thought I was.’

[Cut to the show board. It’s not in the answer.] [wrong answer buzzer]

Not up there. [Cut to Steve Harvey and the American Idol team.] Okay, last chance. Steven Tyler, something you never ask a woman.

[Cut to Steven Tyler]

Steven Tyler: I’ll tell you what, baby. If you’re talking to a woman, never bring up age.

[Cut to Steve Harvey and the American Idol team.]

Steve Harvey: Her age?

[Cut to Steven Tyler]

Steven Tyler: No, my age. [screams] [Cut to Steve Harvey and the American Idol team.]

Steve Harvey: Oh, I see that. Show me, ‘too old to get figure.’

[Cut to the show board. It’s not in the answer.] [wrong answer buzzer]

Ah, no!

[Steve Harvey walks to The Voice team]

Okay, The Voice team. You got a chance to steal.

[Cut to The Voice team]

Adam Levine: Who is prettier? You or me?

Pharell Williams: Wanna meet Robin Thicke?

Christina Aguilera: Why do you sound like Ooh-Ooh-Yeah!

[Cut to Steve Harvey and The Voice team]

Steve Harvey: Okay, Blake, tell me something you never ask a woman.

[Cut to Blake Shelton]

Blake Shelton: Well, one question I see ladies get asked all the time and they really hate it is, ‘Are you Adam Levine?’

[Cut to Steve Harvey and The Voice team]

Adam Levine: Ha-ha-ha. Okay, very good. You got me, Blake.

[Cut to Blake Shelton and Adam Levine]

Blake Shelton: Yeah, I did, pretty boy.

Adam Levine: Pretty? You really think I’m pretty?

Steve Harvey: What’s happening?

Blake Shelton: Yeah!

Steve Harvey: Okay, here we go.

Adam Levine: Really?

Blake Shelton: Yeah!

Adam Levine: I think you’re very handsome.

[Blake Shelton and Adam Levine go below the table] [Cut to Steve Harvey]

Steve Harvey: Oh, wow! This is happening. That’s happening right now. This has been in the works for about three years. You know what? I’ma let these two work this out while I take a little bit of ‘me time’. [showing the bottle of Hennessy he had in his suit pocket.] Hennessy soup, y’all.

[cheers and applause]

Weekend Update Kim Kardashian

Colin Jost

Kim Kardashian… Nicki Minaj

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set.]

Colin Jost: On Thursday, Kim Kardashian attended a launch party at Art Basel in Miami or the issue of Paper magazine featuring her now famous nude photos. Here to comment on those photos is Kim Kardashian.

[Kim Kardashian slides in]

Kim Kardashian: Hi. Hi you guys, it’s me Kim.

Colin Jost: Welcome, Kim. Now, I have to ask, what was the idea behind these nude photos.

Kim Kardashian: Well Colin, the entire thing was completely misinterpreted. Like, look at this photo. [Cut to a picture of Kim Kardashian’s nude photo but the face is of Nicki Minaj.]

Colin Jost: Uh-huh. Yes.

[Cut to Colin Jost and Kim Kardashian]

Kim Kardashian: Do you notice anything?

Colin Jost: I definitely notice something, yes.

Kim Kardashian: There’s no background to the photo. [Cut to Kim Kardashian] They forgot to put the backgrounds in so the photos are completely out of context. Here’s the same photo with the proper background.

[Cut to the same picture, but now she is in a hospital where the doctor is looking at her vagina with a torch.] [Cut to Kim Kardashian]

Kim Kardashian: See? It was actually a public service announcement about getting regular check-ups from your gynecologist. Or, this photo with the champagne.

[Cut to a picture of Kim Kardashian opening a champagne.]

Now, let’s see it with the right background.

[The picture changes to her teaching in class in front of the classroom board.] [Cut to Kim Kardashian]

See? It was actually a part of a math competition for a high school seniors.

Colin Jost: Oh, it’s nice.

Kim Kardashian: And spoiler alert, x equals full frontal.

[Cut to Colin Jost and Kim Kardashian]

Colin Jost: I guess learning can be fun.

Kim Kardashian: How about this one?

[Cut to a nude photo of Kim Kardashain from the back.]

Notice how my rear end is all oily.

[Cut to Colin Jost and Kim Kardashian]

Colin Jost: Um, yeah, I did notice that as well.

Kim Kardashian: Well, look at the background.

[Cut to the same picture, but now she is on a beach. There is a bird on her butt.] [Cut to Colin Jost and Kim Kardashian]

See, it’s a warning about the Keystone pipeline.

Colin Jost: Well, you know, you have some real vision, Kim. You know?

Kim Kardashian: And finally, take a look at this one.

[Cut to nude picture of Kim Kardashian from the front.]

Colin Jost: Okay, now what was that supposed to be?

[Cut to Colin Jost and Kim Kardashian]

Kim Kardashian: It was gonna be my Hanukkah card for my Jewish friends.

[Cut to a candle 9 candle holder. But instead of candles, there are pictures of Kim Kardashain from previous photo. And there are lights on her heads.] [Cut to Colin Jost and Kim Kardashian]

Colin Jost: Kim Kardashian, everyone!

Kim Kardashian: Bye!

Colin Jost: For Weekend Update, I’m Colin Jost.

Michael Che: I’m Michael Che. Good night.

Nicki Minaj’s Booty

Jeremy… Pete Davidson

Brain… James Franco

Mrs. Menzeneli… Cecily Strong

Song, Billy Zane… Taran Killam

Rhombus… Aidy Bryant

Dance… Kyle Mooney

Fresh Prince… Jay Pharoah

Nicki Minaj

Judge Lance Ito… Bobby Moynihan

Ashley Parker Angel… Beck Bennett

Home Alone… Kate McKinnon

Jurassic Park… Venessa Bayer

[Starts with Jeremy on laptop]

Jeremy: Ah! What? I have to create a new password? I don’t want to do that. There’s no way I’m gonna be able to remember another new password! My brain is too full. My brain is too full. My brain is too full.

[Cut to Brain’s brain]

Brain: Alright. Alright, alright! All the information and memories in Jeremy’s brain, gather around. We need to make more room in here for some new stuff which means it time for a lot of you non-essentials to go. First up is, Jeremy second grade teacher Mrs. Menzeneli here.

[Mrs. Menzeneli walks in]

Mrs. Menzeneli: Yes, can I help you young man?

Brain: Ah! Yeah, I’m sorry Mrs. Menzeneli, but Jeremy does not need to remember your name anymore.

Mrs. Menzeneli: What? But I’ve been here for 20 years.

Brain: Only because one time you fell down hard in class that really affected him. But now it’s time to move on out. Okay? Bye-bye, Mrs. Menzeneli. Thanks.

[Mrs. Menzeneli walks away and falls down]

Brain: Okay. Next up, are all the words to Savage garden’s I want you still in here?

[Song slides in]

Song: You tell me. [starts singing the song ‘I want you’.]

Brain: Alright, a simple yes would have suffice. Time for you to go.

Song: But, [Song starts singing again]

Brain: Wrong! Wrong! You need to chicken cherry check yourself out of this brain.

Song: Huh! He used my lyrics against me!

[Song leaves] [Rhombus walks in]

Rhombus: Um, excuse me brain dude. I would like to volunteer to leave.

Brain: And who are you?

Rhombus: Oh, I’m the word ‘Rhombus’. I have been here since 99, okay? Jeremy doesn’t know what I am or what I look like. He just knows the word. So, I’m gonna get the hell out of here and I’m gonna take the ‘Bye, bye, bye’ dance with me.

[Dance walks in and starts dancing] [‘Bye, bye, bye’ by Nsync is playing]

Brain: Okay, bye, bye, bye. Okay.

[Rhombus and Dance are leaving]

What else can we lose?

[Fresh Prince walks in]

Fresh Prince: [rapping and dancing] What’s Philadelphia born and raised 

On a playground where I spent most of my days

Brain: Oh, yeah! Gotta leave! Go!

Fresh Prince: Oh, man! Come one! Jeremy uses me all the time. I kill the Karaoke. Yeah! Anyway, whatever host, smell you later.

[Fresh Prince leaves]

Brain: Okay, next up we have–

[Nicki Minaj walks in and starts rapping]

Nicki Minaj: Boy toy named Troy used to live in Detroit
Big dope dealer money, he was gettin’ some coins

Brain: You’re only gonna sing the first two lines?

Nicki Minaj: That’s all Jeremy knows.

Brain: Well, Nicki, I know you’re new here, but you gotta go.

Nicki Minaj: Hey, I mean, I don’t– don’t get mad at me. I don’t know why our boy watched the music video so many times.

[Nicki Minaj turns around and walks away]

Brain: Okay, out in the way back?

[Judge Lance Ito walks in]

Judge Lance Ito: Okay, it’s me, Judge Lance Ito.

Brain: From the OJ Simpson trial?

Judge Lance Ito: Yes, yes.

Brain: Okay, Judge Ito, you gotta pack it up and take that dog from that 90s production company with you.

[Cut to a black dog with a frisbee]

Voice: Sit, booboo, sit. Good dog.

[Cut to Brain. Ashley Parker Angel walks in.]

Brain: Okay.

Ashley Parker Angel: What about me? Should I go too?

Brain: Ashley Parker Angel from O-Town? God, this kid remembers the weirdest things. Yes, Ashley Parker Angel from O-Town, you gotta go too.

Ashley Parker Angel: That seems fair.

[singing] Coz all I want is you or nothing at all

Brain: Alright, alright, alright.

[Ashley Parker Angel leaves]

Let’s clear out some old movie quotes. That should open up a ton of space. Home Alone, you first. Out.

[Home Alone walks in]

Home Alone: I brought you girlfriend, wow!

[Home Alone walks out]

Brain: Jurassic Park, you too.

[Jurassic Park walks in]

Jurassic Park: He left us! He left us!

[Jurassic Park leaves]

Brain: Finally, Titanic. Hit the road.

[Billy Zane walks in]

Billy Zane: I always win Jack, one way or another.

Brain: Who remembers a Billy Zane line from Titanic? What a freak!

[Billy Zane leaves]

Alright, I think that’s everything. Jeremy should finally have room in here for that new password.

[Nicki Minaj walks in and starts rapping]

Nicki Minaj: [rapping] Boy toy named Troy used to live in Detroit
Brain: I thought I told you to leave, Nicki.

Nicki Minaj: I’m really stuck in here.

[Brain and Nicki Minaj start dancing to the song] [rapping] Boy toy named Troy used to live in Detroit
Big dope dealer money, he was gettin’ some coins

[Cut to Jeremy dancing while watching Nicki Minaj on his laptop.]

MTV’s Jingle Ballerz A Hip Hop Nativity

Katyler Smyth… Pete Davidson

Rihanna… Sasheer Zamata

Eminem… Taran Killam

Riff Raff… James Franco

Rick Ross… Kenan Thompson

Justin Bieber… Kate McKinnon

Beyoncé… Nicki Minaj

Kanye West… Jay Pharoah

[Starts with MTV’s Jingle Ballerz video bumper.] [Cut to Katyler Smyth in his set]

Katyler Smyth: Welcome back to Jingle Ballerz, MTV’s biggest holiday party of the year. Once again, I’m your host Katyler Smyth from MTV’s upcoming game show, Drunk or High? I know we’ve had a lot of fun tonight jingling them balls, I mean bells, ha-ha-ha. But its time for us to take a moment and remember the reason for the season. For the first time ever, we present MTV’s Hip Hop Nativity. Please, put your hands together for Rihanna.

[Cut to Rihanna. She has wings on her back.] [music playing]

Rihanna: I bring you tidings of great joy

Shine bright like a bright star
Jesus lay in the hay
beautiful like the star
three wise men on their way-ay-ay-ay

Ladies and gentlemen, show some love for three wise men, Eminem, Riff Raff and Rick Ross.

[Cut to Eminem, Riff Raff and Rick Ross walking in]

Eminem: [rapping] I had the sense to bring the king Frank
and since in keeper was too intense
said he had no room to rent
so I cut his throat!

Riff Raff: None stop through desert,
bring god some more.
I try to smokie
it didn’t work

Rick Ross: Bringing in gold
making it rain
but most of all
I bring in champagne

Rick Ross!

[Cut to Rihanna]

Rihanna: The three wise men gave their gifts to Baby J. But there wouldn’t be a Baby J without Joseph and his Queen B married. The original team mom, who don’t need no sex to make a child. Ladies and gentlemen, [Cut to everybody. Justin Bieber and Beyonce are also there.] give it up for Justin Bieber and the Virgin Mary, Beyonce.

[cheers and applause] [Cut to Justin Bieber and Beyonce]

Justin Bieber: Yo! I’m sorry I had to give birth out here, where all the animals live. I couldn’t afford a hotel room because I’m like, a poor carpenter’s son. I don’t know. You deserve better than this Beyonce.

[Beyonce walks font.]

Beyonce: No, no, no. This moment is not about me. Let everybody have their moment. This moment is about my baby boy. Behold.

[singing] He woke up like this!

Flawless. One day he’ll turn water into wine, and we’ll all be…

[singing] drunk in love.

[Cut to Rihanna]

Rihanna: Glory to god and the highest who will…

[singing] rain on it forever. 

Isn’t that right, Jesus?

[cut to Eminem, Riff Raff and Rick Ross] [music playing]

Eminem, Riff Raff and Rick Ross: Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

[Cut to everybody]

Kanye West: [rapping] It’s your boy, Yeez-us
and I’m baby Jesus
and I am a god
and my dad is a god
and I am my dad, isn’t that rare
just coz it’s complicated
that doesn’t mean that is bad
Ya! They call me a freak
coz I wrap the weak
scream my name [mumbling] when I speak

[Cut to Rihanna]

Rihanna: And that’s exactly how it happened. And 300 years later, he still–

[Cut to everybody]

Everybody: [singing] Shines bright like a bright star