Shanice Goodwin… Leslie Jones
Dominica… Scarlett Johansson
[Starts with a picture of a little girl]
Shanice narrating: First they said, “You’re too small.” [Picture changes to grown up Shanice Goodwin] Then they said, “You’re too big.” They said, “You will namer make it.” But I didn’t listen to them because I knew one day I would become a ninja.
[Cut to video clips of Shanice dressed as ninja playing with her sword, ‘Shanice Goodwin Ninja’ intro]
Male voice: The adventures of Shanice Goodwin, Ninja.
Shanice: I’m also a cashier at KOHL’s.
[Cut to Vanessa and Shanice in the ninja training center. Shanice is wearing black ninja costume.]
Vanessa: Shanice, sensei has been kidnapped. This is your most dangerous mission yet. I brought in someone I think will remember.
[Dominica walks in wearing white ninja costume]
Dominica: Shanice, well, well, we meet again.
Shanice: Dominica. I thought I had banished you from Charlotte and the greater area of Charlotte.
Dominica: You did. But he was my sensei too. He hand-picked me from the orphanage when I was five years old.
Shanice: And I’ve been a ninja since I was 45. Alright then, let’s put aside our differences and do this.
Vanessa: Great! Their hideout is rumored to be a theater prop storage facility on the west wide of town. Good luck, you two.
[Shanice and Dominica leave] [Cut to British mob hideout. There are the mobs who have tied Sensei.]
Beck: So? Your people will send the money?
Sensei: I told you, I do not yield to threats. I know some very dangerous people. Let me go now and no harm will come to you.
Beck: No harm will come to us? He said to us! [laughing] [Shanice and Dominica are inside the hideout]
Dominica: Shh, follow me. We are shadows.
[Shanice nods her head and follows Dominica]
Sensei: Oh, yes. I sense a presence.
Beck: You’re bluffing. There’s no one here. Look!
[Shanice and Dominica are hiding behind them. Shanice is even eating some chips.
How can anyone be in this room? No one can get in.
Kenan: Oh, yes. At least ten armed guards are stationed at every entrance.
[Dominica throws a shuriken on Kenan’s eye] [screaming] Ah!
Mikey: No! What happened?
[Shanice slowly goes to Mikey and cuts off his hand]
Shanice: Damn, that’s nasty.
Beck: Someone is here.
Sensei: I tried to warn you. But now it’s too late. My student Dominica is a professional assassin. To her, killing is like breathing. And my student Shanice has trained at my YMCA every other week for last three years.
Beck: Find them. Now.
Kyle and Mikey: Yes, sir!
[Kyle and Mikey are looking around. Shanice and Dominica and just behind them.]
Mikey: There’s no one here, sir.
[Dominica pulls Mikey and rips his heart out]
Kyle: Who did that? Show yourself!
[Shanice comes behind Kyle and breaks his neck]
Beck: Is this how you fight? Huh? You hide? Like cowards? Let me see your eyes.
[Dominica comes behind Beck]
Dominica: With pleasure. My eyes will be the last thin you see.
Shanice: And my ears will be the last thing you– you hear.. Damn!
Dominica: You don’t need to talk every time.
Beck: Guards! Attack!
Shanice: Quick, the chair.
[The guards come in running. Dominica sits on a chair and Shanice pushes the chair. Dominica hits everyone who comes in front of her.] [Beck runs in with a knife to fight Dominica]
Dominica: A man should use his fists so that he dies with respect.
[gun shot. Beck is shot.]
Shanice: Oh, my bad. was we supposed to only do ninja stuff? Oh, okay. That’s on me.
[Dominica opens ropes tying Sensei]
Dominica: Are you alright, Sensei?
Sensei: Thank you both. You are my top students.
Shanice: Yeah, but I’m the best, right?
Dominica: No, we all know who si the best.
Sensei: I guess there is only one way to settle this.
Shanice: Ha-ha-ha. You think so? Put em’ up.
Dominica: Alright, you like a challenge. Yes?
Shanice: Hah! Dominica, you was always that bitch. Let’s go.
[as Shanice and Dominica fight, the video pauses and ends.]