Office Hours

Mr. Buckley… Benedict Cumberbatch

Chad… Pete Davidson

Mikey Day

[Starts with Mr. Buckley and Chad talking in the school office]

Mr. Buckley: You know, that’s alright. Um, I do think that is what they kind of intended. For instance, people who speak exist. You and I are speaking, therefore you and I…

Chad: Exist?

Mr. Buckley: Congratulations. You just used your first Cartesian Logic.

Chad: Okay.

Mr. Buckley: You know, I do hope you continue to drop by, Chad. I really quite enjoy our visits.

Chad: Okay.

[Mr. Buckley and Chad shake their hands.]

[Mr. Buckley leans forward to kiss Chad]

Chad: No thanks.

Mr. Buckley: Oh, I’m so sorry. Um, that was unbelievably inappropriate behavior Chad. I apologize. I just– I- I- I misread the moment.

Chad: Okay.

Mr. Buckley: I mistook your frequent visits here to mean something more.

Chad: Oh, my bad.

Mr. Buckley: No, it’s not your fault at all. Truth be told, I’m not being myself up late. [Stands and walks looking away] And this weekend, I’m getting married to a beautiful young lady.

Chad: Oh, congrats.

Mr. Buckley: Yet, I feel nothing, Chad. Nothing!

Chad: Okay.

Mr. Buckley: Oh, but that doesn’t matter because it’s all part of daddy’s master plan. You know, marry the rich girl from new port, become a professor and achieve 10 year by 40. God forbid! The great Lenard Buckley’s son should feel the love of another man!

[Mr. Buckley throws a globe away]

Chad: Another globe.

Mr. Buckley: I was drawn to you Chad because truth be told, I envy you. You’re a man who lives his life free from doubt and worry. I wanna be you Chad.

Chad: Okay.

Mr. Buckley: Oh, my word. This is so pathetic. Look at me. I’m a 28 year old professor’s assistant pouring my heart out to a sophomore student. Am I boring you?

Chad: Kind of.

Mr. Buckley: [looking at the ceiling] Argh! You can of course leave at any time you wish and spare yourself my ramblings. Though, I have to admit having an ear to bend makes a welcome–[door closing sound]

[Mr. Buckley looks around. Chad isn’t there.]

Chad?

[Mr. Buckley runs out of his office]

Chad? Chad?

[Chad is skating away. He turns around.]

Chad: Wad up?

Mr. Buckley: Would you mind just getting back here for a moment? There’s something else I wanted to say to you.

Chad: Oh, okay.

[Chad skates towards Mr. Buckley’s office but he passes the door]

Mr. Buckley: Chad, you passed it.

Chad: Oh, my bad.

[Cut to Mr. Buckley and Chad getting in Mr. Buckley’s office]

Mr. Buckley: Chad, I hopefully can forget about my brief lack of self control today.

Chad: Okay.

Mr. Buckley: I truly hope that my actions haven’t tainted our friendship.

Chad: Ha-ha. Taint.

Mr. Buckley: And lastly Chad, I want to thank you because today you taught me. For a brief moment, I wasn’t spectator to my own life. I was living it.

Chad: [farts] Safety.

Mr. Buckley: You’re right, Chad. I should laugh more. Anyway, I’d appreciate if you kept what happened between us today a secret.

Chad: Okay.

[Mikey walks in]

Mikey: Hey, Chad! What the hell? What’s taking so long?

Chad: Oh, I’m sorry. Mr. Buckley tried to kiss me.

Mikey: Okay! Are you hungry?

Chad: Uh-huh.

[Chad and Mikey leave]

Mr. Buckley: You’re so right, Chad. I shouldn’t keep my secrets in the dark. Thank you Chad.

[looking at Chad and Mikey skating on the streets. Chad falls over the garbage.]

Mikey: Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Mr. Buckley: Thank you.

Chad: Okay!