Weekend Update Melissa Villaseñor on Oscar Snubs

Colin Jost

Melissa Villaseñor

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set.]

Colin Jost: Guys, the Oscars nominations were announced last week and here to discuss her thoughts on these awards is our own Melissa Villaseñor.

[Melissa Villaseñor slides in]

Melissa Villaseñor: Yay! Hi, Colin. Ah, I’m so excited for the Oscars this year. I think I have a really good chance to win.

Colin Jost: Oh, I’m sorry. But, for what?

Melissa Villaseñor: My music. I wrote original songs for all the top movies. Like this one. Here’s my song for Joker. Hit it fellas

[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor. There’s a picture of Joker movie logo at left top corner.] [music playing] [singing] Joaquin Phoenix, skinny, skinny
laughs a lot but still so scary
dances on steps, goes stompy, stompy
puts a pillow over crazy mommy
but the thing that this movie is really about
is white male rage, white male rage
white male rage.. Joker!

[music stops] [Cut to Melissa Villaseñor and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Wow. Wow. Yea, that was great Melissa. I gotta say I don’t remember that song in Joker. And I watch that movie everyday while I work out.

Melissa Villaseñor: What a weirdo! Well, did you at lease like the song?

Colin Jost: I mean, I am no music critic but it seemed like it was just a description of the movie and then it took a weird turn into social commentary.

Melissa Villaseñor: Ah, thanks. Well, here’s another one. My song for The Irishman.

[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor. There’s a picture of The Irishman movie logo at left top corner.] [same music playing] [singing] This movie has a lots of offer
Al Pacino as Jimmy Hopper
Gangster life gets kinds messy
Robert De Niro and lil’ Joe Pesci
It’s three hours long, they’re old and they’re young
and it’s white male rage, white male rage
white male rage… Irishman!

[music stops] [Cut to Melissa Villaseñor and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: That was great, Melissa. That one definitely was not in the Irishman. And I should know. I watch that movie alone on Christmas day.

[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor]

Melissa Villaseñor: So sad. Of course, none of these songs are in the movies, Colin. Here’s another one.

[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: How many more do you have?

Melissa Villaseñor: A whole bunch.

Colin Jost: Okay.

Melissa Villaseñor: But I’ll just combine them all, okay? Hit it boys.

[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor. There’s a picture of Hollywood board at left top corner.] [same music playing] [singing] Manson Hitler, white male rage
World War I coz of white male rage
Little Women big performances
but Greta Gerwig snubbed coz of white male rage
Buzz and Woody had it again
and it’s white male rage, white male rage
white male rage!

[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Melissa Villaseñor, everyone.

Melissa Villaseñor: See you at the Oscars.

Colin Jost: For Weekend Update, I’m Colin Jost

Michael Che: I’m Michael Che. Goodnight.

Grouch (Joker Parody)

Chris Redd

Oscar… David Harbour

Therapist… Ego Nwodim

News Reporter… Bowen Yang

Kenan Thompson

Heidi Gardner

Beck Bennett

Elmo… Melissa Villaseñor

[Starts with a video footage of New York city] [Cut to Chris Redd and Oscar]

Chris Redd: Damn, that smells straight like ass.

[Oscar opens a trash can]

Oscar: I don’t know. I kind of like it.

Chris Redd: Yeah? You like trash so much why don’t you live in it?

Oscar: Why don’t you bite me?

Oscar: Damn, Oscar, why you such a grouch, man?

[Cut to narrative video]

Announcer: From the studio that brought you “Joker” and the twisted mind at Sesame Workshop, comes the next gritty antihero origin story.

[Cut to Therapist]

Therapist: Why do you think you’re always in such a bad mood?

[Cut to Oscar]

Oscar: That ain’t me. Things are getting worse out there.

[Cut to TV news]

News Reporter: Once friendly neighborhood of “Sesame Street” has now become a haven of crime and corruption. I’m guy smiley, ABCDEFG news.

[Cut to Oscar walking on the street]

Oscar: Hookers and pimps on every corner.

[Cut to Kenan Thompson and Lady]

Kenan Thompson: Now, look, prairie dog, you want a snuffy’s ho’s. Okay? And snuffy’s ho’s earn.

Lady: I’m sorry, daddy.

Kenan Thompson: Bitch, you better shut your damn mouth for good.

[Cut to Oscar watching]

Oscar: People are getting killed over nothing.

[Cut to an alley where where people getting robbed]

Robber: Give me the ducky.

Alex Moffat: Ernie! Give it to him!

Ernie: Hell no, bitch!

[The robber stabs Ernie]

Alex Moffat: No! Ah!

[Cut to Therapist]

Therapist: How does that make you feel?

[Cut to Oscar]

Oscar: Grouchy.

[Cut to video clips of Oscar acting like Joker]

When everyone calls you trash, and everyone treats you like trash, why don’t you just become trash?

Announcer: Variety asks, Did we need a dark take on “Oscar the Grouch?” “No,” says the New York Times. The beloved residents are obsessing on streets like you’ve never seen before.

[Cut to Heidi Gardner dressed as a clown]

Heidi Gardner: Do you want to see this big bird dance?

[Cut to Beck Bennett dressed as a vampire]

Beck Bennett: Three! Three pearls for me.

[Cut to a police arresting Melissa Villaseñor]

Elmo: I’m innocent. I’m not going to sell no crack. You only arrest Elmo because Elmo Mexican!

Oscar: Sunny Day.

Announcer: From director, Todd Phillips.

Oscar: Sweeping the clouds away.

Announcer: And the writer of “P is for Potty.”

Oscar: Oh my way to where the air is sweet

Can you tell me how to get

Oscar: Would you do me one favor? Could you call me the grouch?

Announcer: Brought to you by the letter R.

Oscar: Scram!