Finding Pain for Blues

Willan Odos Emore… Kenan Thompson

Joe Frowning Mou Dickson… Jay Pharoah

Toothpick Joe… Kyle Mooney

Adoly Wolf… Leslie Jones

Hallen Bobby Wallis… Matthew McConaughey

[Starts with a band playing at Charlie’s Blues Shack]

Willan: [singing] Well I’ve been so sad and lonely
since my cheating lady up and diedsaid I got the blues

Thank you! Thank you very much. Yeah, that was about my pig wife Luwain. She’s up in heaven hanging out with my dog and I’m down here with diabetes. My name is Willan Odis Emore. And joining me on the keys from New Orleans is Joe Frowning Mou Dickson. He finished building his first house one day before Katrina. What’s up, Joe?

[Cut to Dickson]

Dickson: My life is a living hell Odis.

[Cut to Willan]

Willan: Mine too. On the harmonica, his delivery doctor was drunk, left three extra inches of umbilical. It’s Toothpick Joe. How you doing Joe?

[Cut to Joe]

Joe: Real bad, Odis. Real bad.

[Cut to Willan]

Willan: Well, alright. And on the drums, we got Ms. Adoly Wolf. She’s blind and a bat.

[Cut to Adoly]

Adoly: And drunk as a skunk.

[Cut to Willan]

Willan: You got to be. Alright, I almost forgot. We got a special guest all the way from San Francisco. It’s his first time at the Shack, Mr. Hallen Bobby Wallis.

[Cut to Bobby]

Bobby: Wa-hah! Well, thank you for letting me jam with y’all. You mind if I sing with you on the next one?

[Cut to the band]

Willan: Ay, as long as you got the blues my brother. Let’s rock out of 12 bar.

[band start playing] [singing] Well I told my troubles to god
god said he didn’t like me
I guess that’s why my day job
is picking pores in IV

[cut to Bobby]

Bobby: [singing] I got a mean case of the blues
and it tearing me up inside
I got a bad haircut
and I don’t wanna go outside

[Other band members are looking at Bobby disappointed]

Right on.

[Cut to Willan]

Willan: What? He said a bad haircut?

Bobby: You know.

Willan: Alright, I guess we’re warming up then.

[singing] Well the mob wants me dead
I guess I ran out of luck
they put a bounty on my head
it’s for 35 bucks

[Cut to Bobby]

Bobby: [singing] Yeah, I took a cab down to the airport
the driver said have a good flight
I said you too
and it’s been bugging me all night

Willan: Well I got rats in my bed
mice in my shoes

Bobby: My fantasy football team sucks

Willan: Okay, you know, let’s just take a pause. [Cut to Willan and Bobby] Let’s take a pause here. Bobby, you know the blues is about heart ache. You gotta bleed.

[Cut to Bobby]

Bobby: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I hear you now. I hear you now. That’s a good feedback. Yeah, keep it painful. Yeah.

[Cut to the band]

Willan: Okay, good. Let’s hit it.

[singing] Well my true love she done left me
left me for my dad
now neither of them love me
and they were all I had

[Cut to Bobby]

Bobby: Well my lady left me too
thought I’d never see her again
but later we reconnected
now she’s my wife and my best friend

[Cut to Willan and Bobby]

Willan: Man. Come on, man! That ain’t the blues. You got to sing some sad stuff like I’ve been singing about.

Bobby: Right, right, right. Okay. Just like you.

Willan: Yeah.

[Cut to Bobby]

Bobby: Here we go.

[singing] Well I’m an old black guy
I’m wearing a hat
I’m so old and black
I am black, I am black, I am black

[Cut to Willan]

Willan: No! Not right!

Bobby: What do you mean?

Willan: You know what? Somebody else talk to this man before I lose my lunch which by the way was just corn.

[Cut to Joe]

Joe: Bobby, find that real pain deep down. Just tell an honest story brother. And now chill on this.

[Joe starts playing his instrument] [Cut to Bobby]

Bobby: Right, right, right. Okay, okay, okay. Honest story. Here we go.

[singing] Well I used to work at Facebook
but I quit and sold my shares
now I’m suicidal
all my friends are billionaires

Willan: For real?

Bobby: Oh, yeah man. I got the blues.

Willan: Ha-ha. That sucks. But I guess now you got the blues, baby.

[Cut to the band]

I say now you got the blues
you got the blues
you got the blues

[The End]