Accent Coach

Bowen Yang

Daniel Craig

Ryan Johnson… Mikey Day

Margie… Ego Nwodim

Pam… Aidy Bryant

Frankie… Beck Bennett

[Starts with Bowen informing Daniel Craig’s arrival to the directors.]

Bowen: Excuse me, Mr. Johnson. Daniel Craig is here for his session.

Ryan: Terrific. Send him in.

Bowen: Daniel, are you ready?

[Daniel Craig walks in]

Daniel: Alright, thank you so much. Hi, guys. How’s it going?

Ryan: There he is, the future detective Benoit Blank. You remember Margie and Pam. Our casting directors.

Daniel: Hi, how are you?

Pam: Hey, Daniel. We are so happy your’e joining the Knives Out family.

Margie: Yeah. We really scored with this whole cast.

Daniel: Yeah. I just can’t wait to start shooting.

Ryan: Great! Well, today we want to just focus on developing your character.

Pam: Yeah. Now, as you know, Detective Blank is a genteel souther sleuth. So, if possible, we’d like you to do a southern accent.

Daniel: Yeah. No problem. I’ve been recently working with this great accent coach. So, if it’s cool, can I bring him in real quick? [the directors nod their heads yes] Hey, Frankie. Let’s go. Come on, let’s go.

[Frankie walks in]

Frankie: Knock, knock. Ha-ha. Hello. I’m Franklin Huse. Daniel’s accent coach. I have to say, you are so lucky to be working with Dan. He’s a real pro.

Daniel: Oh, come on! You wanna talk about pro? Frankie here is a magician with dialects and accents.

Frankie: Sir, I blush. So, what are we cooking today again?

Ryan: Um, yeah. We just want Dan here to do a southern accent.

Frankie: Ah! My specialty. I’m a master of souther dialects. Is there a certain province you have in mind?

Margie: I guess we default to you.

Pam: Yeah. Whatever you think is in Dan’s range.

Frankie: Hmm… Well, why don’t we start with Ozarks of Arkansas? A banjo tinkies in the distance. As our study gentleman detective calls out- [speaking in loud, funny southern accent] “Hrrrr-boy! The moon churns are burning over. So, I’m about to go and eat a pig’s food and shoot my sister with a gun. Durr-durr.” Something like that maybe is what you’re looking for? That could be fun.

Ryan: Um, no. I think we want something maybe a little more shuttle.

Margie: Yeah. I mean, my husband’s from Arkansas and he doesn’t talk like that.

Frankie: Ah! Okay. Well, why don’t we take a little trip down to… [speaking in loud, funny southern accent] Alabama? [speaking in loud, funny southern accent] “Oh, they got some good turtles down there. Whoo, lord! You better get me a fan because this is hot. My butt is hot. Oh, lord! My butt is hot.” Does that work for you, Dan?

Daniel: Oh, yes. I think I like that. He can be like, [speaking in loud, funny southern accent] “Oh, lord. The big one [unintelligible] is so damn hot.”

Frankie: Dan, yes. That’s incredible. Yes, yes.

Daniel: Yes. What do you think, Ryan? Should we go with that?

Ryan: No. Um, yeah. I don’t think so.

Pam: Yeah. I’m sorry. Mr. Huse, where did you say you were from?

Frankie: Maryland.

Margie: And have you ever been to the south?

Frankie: No. But I have studied the region. Mainly through cartoons, Yosemite Sam, Fog Horn Leg Horn.

Ryan: Yeah. I’m sorry Mr. Huse, I think we’d just rather work with someone a little more knowledgeable.

Daniel: Oh, come on, Ryan. Cone on, you just give him a chance. Maybe, you know, we just haven’t found it yet.

Frankie: Yes. Like, maybe he’s a detective from [speaking in loud, funny southern accent] Georgia where their butt is so hot. “Boy my [unintelligible] big old butt is wet and hot.”

Daniel: I really like that one. Could you teach me that? Is that something you can do?

Frankie: Oh, yes. So, what you have to do is open your jaw and have a real loose like this here. Open it up with this exercise. [Frankie starts moving his jaw and making noise. Daniel is trying to copy him.]

Daniel: [moving his jaw] My butt is so hot.

Pam: Okay. I’m sorry. What’s with all of this hot butt talk?

Frankie: Well, that’s what they sound like. Remember, it’s very hot in in the south.

Daniel: Yeah. Everybody’s butt is hot in the south.

Frankie: I mean, my butt gets hot up north. Just imagine hot it would be down south.

Daniel: You’d steam your jeans.

Frankie: Exactly, Daniel.

Ryan: Um, let’s just read some lines and let Daniel find the voice himself.

Margie: And Frank, would you mind reading for Marta, the South American nurse?

Frankie: Oh, I see. She’s from the south, in America. Got it.

Ryan: Alright. Let’s do this. And action.

Daniel: [reading the script] Now, with much analysis of the facts, I’ve come to the conclusion as the perpetrator of this murder.

Frankie: [screaming funnily with accent] Well, now I say Mr. Blank. I don’t know damn dead about what happened to that man that died. [stops the accent] And I’m sorry. What does it say here?

Daniel: That’s says, “Marta pukes.”

Frankie: Okay. [while making puking sound, Frankie literally pukes.]

Pam: Oh, my god.

Margie: Jesus Christ!

Ryan: Come on, dude!

Frankie: What? It says in the script, Marta pukes.

Ryan: You can just puke on command?

Frankie: Of course, I can. I’m an actor. Daniel, can’t you?

Daniel: Yes, of course. [Daniel pukes too]

Margie: Oh, damn!

Pam: Come on, guys.

Ryan: How are you doing that?

Daniel and Frankie: Come on, we’re actors!

Drive-Through Window

Pete Davidson

Mikey Day

Michael Tangelo… Kenan Thompson

Linda Tomorrow…Emily Blunt

Randy Candy… Bobby Moynihan

Melissa Villaseńor

Kate McKinnon

Cecily Strong

Real Jeff… Beck Bennett

Pam… Aidy Bryant

Bruno Mars

[Starts with Pete waiting for the customer in Burger King]

Pete: Welcome to Burger King. Pull around and order at the first window, please.

[Mikey comes through in his pink limo and opens the window. He is wearing green suit.]

Mikey: Wad up?

Pete: Oh! Um, hey. Would you like to try the snickers pie today?

Mikey: Dude, I got a pink Hummer limo filled with party people. Only thing is, we got some empty tummies.

Pete: Okay. Um, how many people are in there?

Mikey: No way to tell, my man! We all just came from an art installation party hosted by our friend Otto the Question. So, let’s start with, um, 20 whoppers.

Pete: Okay. You want whoppers or angry whoppers?

Mikey: Hmm, that is a question for Michael Tangelo. One love.

[Mikey closes his window and moves the limo forward. The second widow opens.]

Michael Tangelo: Wad up?

Pete: Hey. Do you know what you want?

Michael Tangelo: Um, first, good evening. I am Michael Tangelo. Part of the House of Terrific and Artist Collective. Now, what’s this I hear about an angry whopper?

Pete: Um, it’s like a whopper but it’s spicy. It’s got onions rings in it.

Michael Tangelo: In it? So it’s an entrée that ate it’s own side dish? Hmm. I’m gonna let Linda Tomorrow weigh in on this.

Pete: Who?

Michael Tangelo: Bye, bye.

[Michael Tangelo closes the window. The limo moves forward. The third window opens.]

Linda Tomorrow: Wad up?

Pete: You’re Linda Tomorrow?

Linda Tomorrow: Who’s asking?

Pete: Well, what do you want to eat?

Linda Tomorrow: Ah, yes. I haven’t slum with the normal in so long. I’ll have a burger. Funky style. And make it a magnum XL. Fries, size nine. And a diet mountain don’t size 10.

Pete: Um, well, we just have three sizes ma’am. Small, medium and large.

Linda Tomorrow: A what now and who there?

Pete: Is medium okay?

Linda Tomorrow: Never mind. Just talk to Randy Candy. Good bye.

[Linda Tomorrow closes the window. The limo moves forward. The 4th window opens. The music is playing inside the limo.]

Randy Candy: Wad up?

Pete: Are you Randy Candy?

Randy Candy: [squeaky voice] Um-hmm. I pet a whimsy and this part of the car is feeling some chicken fries.

Pete: Okay. Um, do you want regular chicken fries or like, the Cheetos chicken fries?

Randy Candy: I’m sorry, what’s the difference?

Pete: Um, the Cheetos chicken fries are covered in Cheeto coating.

Randy Candy: This news will throw this car into chaos. How could you?

[Randy Candy closes the window] [Melissa walks to Pete]

Melissa: What is going on? Have these people ordered yet?

Pete: Um, kind of.

Melissa: What did they order?

Pete: Um, this one lady ordered like a mega-funky burger.

Melissa: We don’t have that.

Pete: Look, I’m trying. I just need to talk to like, one normal person. Sorry.

[Melissa walks away. The 5th window of the limo opens.] [Kate and Cecily look the same]

Kate and Cecily: Wad up?

Pete: God! Sorry, crazy. Um, are you guys ready to order?

Cecily: Absolutely. We want three food.

Kate: Like, four food. And savory?

Cecily: Let’s be bad. Why not?

Kate: Four food and a nibble.

Pete: Yeah, but like, what food?

Cecily: The only one who can answer this is real Jeff. Bye.

[They close the window. The limo moves forward. 6th window opens. Real Jeff is sitting with his puppet.]

Real Jeff: Wad up? Give us 20 whoppers and 20 chicken fries.

Pete: Ah! Thank you, dude. Finally. Alright, that’s $hundredfortytwo.eighteen. How would you like to pay?

Real Jeff: Oh, I don’t pay. That’s Pam’s department. Peace.

[Real Jeff closes the window. The limo moves forward. the 7th door opens. Pam is sitting and someone is massaging her shoulder.]

Pam: Wad up?

Pete: Hey, are you Pam?

Pam: Um, yes sir. I am Pam and I fund this.

Pete: Okay, well it’s $142.18.

Pam: Okay, great, so can you split it on 26 credit cards?

Pete: No, I can’t.

Pam: Okay. Well then, maybe my boyfriend has some cash.

[Pam’s boyfriend is Bruno Mars who shows his face now]

Bruno Mars: Wad up?

Pete: Bruno Mars? What the hell is going on there? You hang with these people?

Bruno Mars: No, they hang with me. You should join us, man.

Pete: Ah! I’m sorry, man! I’m working.

Bruno Mars: It didn’t stop your friend.

[Melissa shows her face inside the window]

Melissa: Oh! Wad up?

Pete: You know what? I’m in.

Bruno Mars: Ay, make some room, Randy Candy!

Pete: I hate Randy Candy!