Steven… Ryan Gosling
Cecily Strong
Kate McKinnon
Chris Redd
Heidi Gardner
[Starts with Steven sleeping at night]
Narrating: It happened again. [Steven wakes up] I thought it was behind me. But the dreams came back. [Steven is in the kitchen with Cecily] I was up all night. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep.
Cecily: What’s wrong?
Narrating: You know, it haunts me.
Steven: Nothing.
Cecily: Oh, Steven. Not this again.
Narrating: I forgot about it for years but then I remembered that Avatar, the giant international blockbuster used the Papyrus font as it’s logo.
[Cut to Kate in Steven’s therapy session]
Kate: Avatar, the movie from nine years ago?
Steven: Yeah. He just highlighted Avatar, he clicked the drop down menu and then he randomly selected Papyrus. Like a thoughtless child just wandering by a garden yanking leaves along the way.
Kate: And so now you’re worried about the sequels that are coming out?
Steven: They’re making more?
Kate: Yes. Well, I think I heard that.
Steven: They changed the artwork. They fixed it!
[Kate looks for Avatar 2 in the internet]
Kate: Um, it looks similar.
[Steven gets angry and flips the table in front of him]
[Cut to Steven driving]
Narrating: He just got away with it. This man, this professional graphic designer. Was it laziness? Was it cruelty?
[Cut to Steven showing the Avatar poster to Chris]
Chris: You’ve showed me this before. I don’t think this is literally Papyrus. Maybe that was the starting point but they clearly modified this.
Steven: But whatever they did, [yelling] it wasn’t enough!
Narrating: And now, here I am doing what I vowed to never do again, sitting outside his house, hoping to catch a glimpse of him to see him doing his little things, live his insane little life.
[Cut to Steven drinking beer]
Steven: I think about it every time I see Papyrus.
Chris: Okay. Where else do you even see this font?
Steven: Hookah bars. Tequila merch. Off brand tees.
[As Steven is driving, he sees a man looking at him and whispering ‘Papyrus’. Being distracted, he crashes his car]
[Heidi walks to Steven as he is getting out of the car]
Heidi: My god, are you okay? What happened?
Steven: Do you remember the Avatar logo?
Heidi: Um, yeah. It was tribal yet futuristic.
Steven: Papyrus.
Heidi: Oh, sure.
[Behind Heidi, Steven sees the man again]
Steven: I know what you did. [yelling] I know what you did.