Tag: Parent

The Parent Trap

Bowen Yang

Jenna Ortega

Raymond… Fred Armisen

Bowen: We’re so excited to be doing this remake of “The Parent Trap.” As you know, we found someplace to update the original but the scene in the cabin when Hallie and Annie realized they’re twins is such a classic. We just wanted to leave it as it was.

Jenna: I love that. I totally agree. This is so special. I’m just really glad to be here.

Bowen: Us too. Obviously, since you’re playing both twins, we’ll film you twice, combine the two images into one. Today, you’ll be Hallie in the scenes. And since your body double is out sick, We’re going to have one of our crew guy Raymond read with you, okay?

Raymond: Yeah, hey. You know, you can just call me, right? This is gonna be fun. I think I get the gist.

Bowen: Okay, great. So let’s start with the sequence where Hallie and Annie are having a little disagreement over whether it’s bedtime or not. Okay? You can just head your thoughts and we’ll get started. All right. Okay, great. And Action.

[Raymond turns off the light]

Raymond: Off.

Jenna: On.

Raymond: Off.

Jenna: On.

Raymond: Turn them off.

Jenna: You are so annoying.

Raymond: And I’m starting to think you’re a real bitch.

Bowen: Okay, cut. Sorry, I don’t think the script said bitch.

Raymond: Yeah, sorry about that. I did a little off the cuff thing. You know, like you do on Curb. You guys watch Curb? I love Curb.

Jenna: Maybe someone else wants to read the lines? Like the ones that are in the script?

Bowen: Don’t worry. We’re never gonna see him in the movie. So it doesn’t really matter what he says.

Raymond: I have an idea. Should I go to the toilet at some point and she gets mad. No, that could be funny. Like her twin is always on the toilet?

Bowen: Are you asking that because you need to go to the bathroom now or-?

Raymond: Well, I think my character might. But you’re the director.

Bowen: Right? Okay, let’s just move on to the next day. Okay, so just as a reminder, it’s stormed outside, so your belongings got wet. And now you’re talking about the window, getting to know each other. Okay. All right. And action.

Jenna: Oh, no.

Raymond: Oh, are any of your pictures ruined?

Jenna: I mean, only the beautiful Shawn Mendes.

Raymond: Wow, he is hot. You know who I like? Lisa Rinna. I would let her wreck me.

Jenna: Okay, I don’t really know what to do here.

Bowen: Okay, let’s just move on to the Oreo scene. You’re wanting. You’re realizing you have a lot in common. Okay, and go.

Jenna: Wanna eat some Oreos? It may sound weird, but I eat them with peanut butter.

Raymond: Well, F* me, so do I.

Jenna: Wow. No way. I wonder what else we have in common?

Raymond: You like Schlitz? Schlitz beer?

Jenna: What? No. Anyway. How old are you?

Raymond: 56. Oh, for this? 11. My birthday is in October.

Jenna: Me too.

Raymond: This is tripping me out. Let’s see if we have a picture of our parents that was ripped in half to see if we’re twins.

Bowen: Nope. Nope. Not there yet. But good enough. Let’s just jump ahead to where Hallie is pacing, putting it all together. You’re both up for this. Okay. Yeah. And action.

Jenna: I mean, think about it. I only have a father and you only have a mother.

Raymond: Oh, yeah.

Jenna: You’ve never seen your dad and I’ve never seen my mom.

Raymond: So you think we’re twins or not yet?

Jenna: You have one old picture of your mom and I have one old picture of my dad.

Raymond: Yeah, like in that Lindsey Lohan movie about the twins.

Jenna: But at least yours is probably a whole picture.

Raymond: A whole picture? You’re 11. Don’t look at those.

Jenna: My pictures just a pathetic little thing right down the middle.

Bowen: Okay, and now you both run to get your halves of the picture.

Jenna: Here it is. A picture of my dad.

Raymond: Okay. I got mine.

Jenna: On the count of three. We’ll show them to each other. Okay?

Raymond: Okay.

Both: 1, 2, 3. Wow. Leslie Mann and Ed Helms. Is this for streaming?

Jenna: So if your mom is my mom, and my dad is your dad and we’re both born on October 11, than you and I are like sisters?

Raymond: Jesus, Hallie, we’re freaking twins.

Jenna: Annie

Raymond: Oh my god. Wow. I’m like trying now.

Jenna: This is amazing.

Raymond: So they just split us up? Why would they do that to us? We got to kill them.

Jenna: There’s two of us.

Raymond: We work together, we could kill them. I’m kidding, I love you.

Bowen: And cut. Wow that was it. Thank you both for those performances. I’m blown away. This is going to be a hit and I’ll see you both at the premiere.

Parent-Teacher Conference

Mrs. Walkerson… Ego Nwodim

Mr. Walkerson… Kyle Mooney

Teacher… Jason Sudeikis

[Mrs. Walkerson and Mr. Walkerson visit Teacher]

Mrs. Walkerson: Knock, knock.

Mr. Walkerson: Hey, there.

Teacher: Oh, hey. How are you doing? You must be Mr. an Mrs. Walkerson. Right? Great. Please, take a seat. I have heard so much about you two from Skyler.

Mr. Walkerson: Really? Like what?

Teacher: Oh, I’m sorry. Not really. That’s just something I say to all the parents. I apologize for the small chairs.

Mrs. Walkerson: No, it’s alright. But I look ridiculous sitting on this thing.

Teacher: No. Stop. You look great.

Mrs. Walkerson: You know what? I’ll take it.

Teacher: Ah, well, so here’s the headline. Skyler is one cool kid.

Mr. Walkerson: Trust me, he gets that from his mom.

Mrs. Walkerson: Aww, sweetie! Well, first of all we want to thank you for teaching our son to love reading.

Mr. Walkerson: Yeah, he reads every night . It’s amazing.

Teacher: Well, I mean he’s a smart kid. The reading part was easy. The math stuff however, he’s having a tougher time with. Especially, fractions.

Mr. Walkerson: Right, yeah. Now, that he got from me. [laughing]

Teacher: Wow. [to Mrs. Walkerson] I mean, you have a very infectious laugh.

Mrs. Walkerson: Thank you.

Teacher: My pleasure.

Mr. Walkerson: Yeah. [feeling awkward] So, fractions, right? That’s Skyler’s main problem?

Teacher: Yeah, exactly. You know what, I just think he finds math a little boring. Which I get, trust me. But he may need some additional help. Tutor perhaps.

Mr. Walkerson: I see. Yeah. We can do that.

Mrs. Walkerson: Yeah. And are you available?

Teacher: I mean… in what sense?

Mr. Walkerson: Well, you tell me…

Mrs. Walkerson: To tutor our son.

Teacher: No. I don’t see students outside school. It’s just a little rule of mine.

Mr. Walkerson: Seems smart. And how would we find a tutor?

Mrs. Walkerson: Well, do you ever break the rules?

Teacher: Yeah, sometimes. Kind of depends who’s asking.

Mrs. Walkerson: Well, I’m asking.

Teacher: Okay, then.

Mr. Walkerson: I’m sorry. So, yes, you are gonna tutor Skyler? Or…

Teacher: No, no, no. Definitely not. But you know, I do have a list of tutors vetted by the school here.

Mr. Walkerson: Yeah. That’d be great. Yeah. Thank you.

Mrs. Walkerson: Hey, I don’t see your number here.
Mr. Walkerson: He’s not available. He just said that. And you’re not worried about his development or anything, right?

Teacher: No, no, no. Skyler is a total sweetheart. In fact, I’m trying to think. I don’t think I’ve had to punish the little guy once.

Mrs. Walkerson: Punish? Okay. Wow. You did not strike me as the punishing type.

Teacher: Well, you don’t know me very well. Do you, Miss thang?

Mr. Walkerson: Okay, I’m not crazy about the whole miss thang. But anyway, thanks for meeting with us. Yeah, we’ll take a look at this list. And have a great night.

Teacher: Yeah, you too. Enjoy.

[Teacher stands]

Mrs. Walkerson: Wait! Are you mad at me?

Teacher: What makes you think I’m mad at you?

Mrs. Walkerson: I don’t know. You seem mad at me. Mr. Mad.

Teacher: Trust me, if I was mad at you, you’d know.

Mr. Walkerson: Well, so, I’m not– I’m actually getting a little mad right now.

Mrs. Walkerson: Well, what are you gonna put me in time out?

Teacher: I don’t know. You deserve it?

Mrs. Walkerson: You tell me. You’re the one in charge.

Teacher: Say it again.

Mrs. Walkerson: You’re in charge.

Teacher: You’re damn right.

Mr. Walkerson: What the hell is going on here?

Teacher: [stands] I want you to walk that sweet thing over to the chalkboard here and write “I’ve been bad”, okay?

Mrs. Walkerson: Yes, sir. Right away.

Mr. Walkerson: Hey, listen pal, I don’t know if you think I’m the kind of guy who just stands by and watches this sort of thing happen with his wife, but I’m not.

Mrs. Walkerson: Should I use the little chalk or the big chalk?

Teacher: I’d say you give the big chalk a shot.

Mrs. Walkerson: Okay. I’m not used to chalk this big.

Mr. Walkerson: Good one, babe. Ha-ha-ha. I’m serious, man. That’s my wife. I’m- I’m gonna do something.

Mrs. Walkerson: I have never felt this way before.

Teacher: I know.

Mrs. Walkerson: I want you so bad.

Teacher: Then have me, my love.

[Mrs. Walkerson and Teacher start to make out on the teacher’s desk]

Mr. Walkerson: No! I’m not messing around, okay? I’ma count to three.

Teacher: Hold this. [passes Mr. Walkerson his glasses]

Mr. Walkerson: Okay. One. Two. Two and half. Two and five seven. Oh, I’m so bad at fractions.