New Video Game

Pete Davidson

Alex Moffat

Knox… Ego Nwodim

Damian… Kit Harrington

Ethan… Mikey Day

Zombie… Chris Redd

[Starts with Pete Davidson going to play a VR video game in a video game store]

Pete Davidson: Dude, you’re going to love this game. Are the graphics as insane as everybody says they are?

Alex Moffat: Are you kidding me? “Earth War 3” It makes “Earth War 2” look like a Mario game. And in VR, forget about it.

Pete Davidson: Dope. Let’s smoke some zombies. [Cut to Video game] Yo, it’s like I’m actually there.

Alex Moffat: Right?

[Damian looks at the player]

Damian: Hey, you must be the new special division agent. I’m Damien. I run the safe house where you can upgrade gear and check progress. But first, find the weapons room.

[Cut to Pete and Alex]

Pete Davidson: Oh, wow. All right. I’m going to get the biggest gun they have.

Alex Moffat: Do it, dude.

[Cut to video game. Player walks to Ethan.]

Ethan: Hey, agent. I’m Ethan. I run the safe house with Damien. This is your mission hub. Or it will be once I get it up and running.

[Cut to Pete Davidson]

Pete Davidson: Uh, cool. Not here to talk. [Cut to Pete and Alex] Where are the guns at?

[Cut to video game. Player is looking for a gun, but runs into Damian.]

Damian: Hey, it’s me, Damien. I saw you talking to Ethan. I heard him say we run the safe house together. We don’t. I run it. He helps.

[Cut to Pete Davidson]

Pete Davidson: All right.

[Cut to video game. Damian is talking to the Player.]

Damian: Ethan’s nice but his ideas aren’t great. Like his mission hub.

[Cut to Pete and Alex]

Pete Davidson: I just want to shoot zombies but these helper guys keep bending my ear.

Alex Moffat: Oh, NPCs? If you don’t want to talk to them, just hit ‘B’, dude!

[Cut to video game. Damian is talking to the Player.]

Damian: Hey, I heard something weird about Ethan.

[Cut to Pete and Alex]

Pete Davidson: Skip.

[Cut to video game. Damian is talking to the Player.]

Damian: I get it. You’re a busy man. Now go kick some ass.

[Ethan calls the player]

Ethan: Agent, there’s a zombie horde in sector 3. Come with me to gear up.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete Davidson: Finally. Thank you.

[Cut to video game. Ethan takes Player to a room.]

Ethan: Hey, I lied about the whole zombie horde thing so we can talk alone.

Pete Davidson: No!

Ethan: Is Damien like, mad at me? I think he’s jealous of the mission hub because it was my idea. Or it’s something else. What do you think?

[Three options appear in the game] [Cut to Pete and Alex]

Pete Davidson: Shut up.

[Cut to video game. Ethan is talking to the Player.] [Pete presses skip button]

Ethan: Oh, I understand. You don’t have time to talk but let me guess, you have time to talk to Damien. This place is so toxic.

[Ethan leaves the room]

Pete Davidson: Are you kidding me?

[Damian enters the room]

Damian: Oh, my god. What wasn’t all that about?

[Cut to Pete]

Pete Davidson: Can I kill these guys?

[Pete starts hitting Damian] [Cut to video game. Player is hitting Damian.]

Damian: Watch it. Ouch. Be careful. Wa- Wa- Watch it.

Pete Davidson: Skip.

Damian: I get it, you’re a busy man. Go kick some ass.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete Davidson: Guns, now please!

[Cut to video game. Player gets out of the room and runs into Knox.]

Knox: Agent. There you are. I’m Knox, section commander. I’ll cut to the chase. What’s going on with Ethan and Damien? Get real with the bitch.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete Davidson: No!

[Cut to video game. Knox is talking to the player.]

Knox: We’ll talk later. Anyway, the weapons storage room is that way. Good luck.

[Cut to Pete and Alex]

Pete Davidson: Oh, my god, finally!

[Cut to video game. Player walks to the weapons storage but runs into Ethan and Damian.]

Ethan: Hey, agent. Damien and I are hashing some stuff out.

Pete Davidson: No!

Damian: Yeah, we’re going to need a minute alone.

[Ethan closes the door]

Video Game Announcer: Storage room locked.

[Cut to Pete and Alex]

Pete Davidson: Are you kidding me?

[Cut to video game. Ethan and Damian are talking.]

Ethan: Any idea that’s not yours.

Damian: I mean, every time now, Ethan, for god’s sake.

[Cut to Pete and Alex]

Pete Davidson: Screw it, I’m going out without a gun.

Alex: Yeah!

[Cut to video game. Player opens the lab door.]

Video Game Announcer: Lab door open.

[Player walks outside the lab. A zombie confronts him.]

Zombie: Rawr! What’s the deal with Ethan and Damien?

[Cut to Pete and Alex]

Pete Davidson: No!

[Cut to video game]

Video Game Announcer: Game over!

Kit Harington Monologue | Season 44 Episode 17

Kit Harington

Emilia Clarke

Rose Leslie

John Bradley

Night Walker… Pete Davidson

[Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Band is playing music]

Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, Kit Harington.

[Cheers and applause] [Kit Harington walks in the door and to the stage]

Kit Harington: Thank you, thank you. Thank you, thank you, [Cheers and applause] thank you very much. My name is Kit Harington. Although many of you do probably know me as Jon Snow. [Cheers and applause] I’ve just shaved my beard, so this is more a kind of prepubescent Jon Snow. [Laughter] This is Jon Snow if he suddenly played for the Yankees. [Laughter] I have no idea what that means. [Laughter] The writers told me to say it, so you guys probably know what it means.

Many of you have only seen me in Game of Thrones which is probably a good thing. Some of my other credits include the movie ‘Pompeii’, which somehow prove more of a disaster than the event it was based on. [Laughter] I was also in a movie called ‘Silent Hill: Revelation 3D’. Anyone a fan? No, I didn’t think so. [Laughter]

So, Game of Thrones was obviously huge for me, and I’m very grateful for all the fans. But I got to say after 10 years I’m really excited to see what comes next. And um– Oh! Looks like we’ve got a question.

[Cut to the audience]

Audience: Hey, man, I just wanted to say this is fascinating, dude! Love hearing about the career.

[Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: Oh, thank you.

[Cut to the audience]

A guy from audience: Yeah, so who wins ‘Game of Thrones’?

[Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: I’m sorry, I’m not at liberty to reveal that information.

[Cut to the audience]

A guy from audience: At liberty? Bitch, I didn’t come here for sketches. Who wins ‘Game of Thrones’?

[Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: Yeah, okay! Can we have him removed please?

[Cut to the audience]

A guy from audience: Oh-oh. And you just found yourself in a PR nightmare, man. [Security moves the guy outside] [Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: Look, I’m sorry, I’m not revealing how the show ends.

Emilia Clarke: Well, all right, [Cut to Emilia Clarke] could you just give us a general sense of how it ends? [Cheers and applause] [Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: Wait a second, Amelia, you’re in the show? You know already.

[Cut to Emilia Clarke]

Emilia Clarke: Well, yeah, but I forgot. It’s been so damn long since the last season. Plus a lot of my scenes are talking to a dragon which is just a tennis ball on a green pole. So I have no idea what’s actually happening.

[Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: Well, I’m sorry, you’ll just have to wait and see in a couple of weeks.

[Cut to Emilia Clarke]

Emilia Clarke: All right, fine. Oh, hey! Do you remember in season 6 when we had sex?

[Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: Yes I do.

[Cut to Emilia Clarke]

Emilia Clarke: Did you know they filmed that?

[Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: Okay, any other questions?

Audience: Uh, yeah. [Cut to the audience] Do you think it’s weird that Dumbledore and Grindlewald were hooking up?

[Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: Okay, I think that’s Harry Potter.

[Cut to the audience]

Audience: And what are you?

[Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: Game of Thrones.

[Cut to the audience]

Audience: Oh, let’s get out of here guys.

[Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: Sorry for the confusion.

[Cut to John Bradley]

John Bradley: Hey, Kit. [Cheers and applause] [Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: Hey, John, how are you?

[Cut to John Bradley]

John Bradley: I’m good. I was just wondering, do you know what happens to Samwell Tarley?

Kit Harington: You don’t know what happens to your own character?

[Cut to John Bradley]

John Bradley: They only let me see two pages of the script. My character says “Arghhh”.

Kit Harington: What did the script say before that?

[Cut to John Bradley]

John Bradley: Dragon opens mouth.

[Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: That doesn’t sound too good, mate. But I can’t  tell you more than that. I’m sorry.

[Cut to John Bradley]

John Bradley: Oh, that’s okay. Kit, one more thing. Do you think we’ll still hang out after the show ends? Like best friends?

[Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: Sure, John.

[Cut to John Bradley]

John Bradley: What about Tuesday at 6 AM?

[Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: I’m actually busy on Tuesday.

[Cut to John Bradley]

John Bradley: Wow. You’ve changed.

[Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: Anymore questions?

[Cut to Night Walker in the audience]

Night Walker: I just need to know, do people hate me? Because it really feels like they hate me.

[Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: I mean, yeah, you’re the night king. Everyone you touch turns into an ice zombie.

[Cut to Night Walker]

Night Walker: Ah, okay, my bad. But hey, do you think after this we’ll still be friends?

[Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: We were never friends.

[Cut to Night Walker in the audience]

Night Walker: Samwell Tarley was right. You have changed. [Night Walker leaves the room] [Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: Okay, I think we’ve had all the questions for now.

Rose Leslie: No, wait, wait. [Cut to Rose Leslie] I have a question. [Cheers and applause] [Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: My god. Rose. This is my wife, Rose. We actually met on the show.

[Cut to Rose Leslie]

Rose Leslie: Yeah, they know. They know. But I need to as you something, Kit.

[Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: I’m sorry, honey, I can’t even tell you how ‘Game of Thrones’ ends.

[Cut to Rose Leslie]

Rose Leslie: Oh, no, I don’t care about that. I’m not a nerd. No, my question is what are we going to do for money now? I mean, we didn’t save anything. And you kept telling me, “Oh, I’m the king of the North, we can order Uber eats every night.”

[Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: Honey, don’t worry, we’ll be okay. I’ll make my jewelry and you have your little songs.

[Cut to Rose Leslie]

Rose Leslie: Oh, okay, honey. I love you. One more question. How soon can you grow back that beard?

[Cut to Kit Harington]

Kit Harington: I love you too. So we’ve got a great show for you tonight. [Night Walker  come to the stage and plays with Kit Harington] Sara Bareilles is here. Stick around. We’ll be right back.