Kyle Mooney[Starts with a meeting at Cheetos office]
Cecily: Thank you all so much for coming in today. There were so many amazing commercials at the Super Bowl this year. And we are really looking to step our game.
Alex: Yeah. we can’t wait to see what you’ve come up with for Cheetos.
Alec: Well, it’s an honor just to pitch.
Melissa: Yes, thank you for having us.
Cecily: Right. Well, whenever you’re ready, we will start with the team from Murphy and Kennedy.[Aidy turns on music]
Alec: [speaking on mic] We open on a little immigrant girl. She’s dusty. She’s tired. She’s come a long way.
Aidy: She looks up and sees a wall. How will she get over it?
Alec: A boy appears at the top. He throws down a rope. The rope is made from American flags.
Aidy: The girl climbs the rope. She sees her new country for the first time, and she cries.
Alec: Hard cut. Cheetos.
Cecily: Wow! I love that.
Alex: It’s important. It’s now. It’s Cheetos.
Cecily: Alright, A.K. Foster, you’re up.[Kyle turns on music]
Kyle: Okay, so we open on a bunch of kids in the minivan.
Melissa: They’re roughhousing. They’re playing around.
Kyle: And their mom’s like, “Hey, what is going on back there?”
Melissa: And they’re like, “Just eating Cheetos, mom!”
Kyle: Cut to, Cheetos.
Cecily: [looking unimpressed] Hah! Okay.
Alex: I’m not really sure what the message of the ad is, but maybe–
Melissa: I think it’s like, “Eat Cheetos. They’re good.”
Cecily: Yeah, right. Okay. You know what? Let’s just hear another pitch from Murphy and Kennedy, maybe.
Aidy: Oh, absolutely.[Aidy turns on music]
Alec: We open on a Mexican person wearing a sombrero. He takes it off. Underneath is a Muslim woman.
Aidy: The Muslim woman takes off her hijab, underneath is a Jewish person.
Alec: The Jewish person takes off his yamika, underneath is a Cheeto.
Aidy: Hard cut, we are one.
Alec: Harder cut, Cheetos.
Cecily: God, I love that. You know what? But, I’m worried that feels more like a Twix commercial.
Alex: Yeah. I actually saw Excederin do something very similar.
Cecily: Yeah, okay. You know what? Let’s take another pitch from A.K. foster.
Melissa: Right. Okay.[Kyle turns on music]
Open on a bunch of friends hanging out.
Kyle: Suddenly, Chester the cheetah skateboards in and is like, “How about some Cheetos?”
Melissa: The kids cheer. Cut to Cheetos.
Cecily: I’m sorry. I just– I so don’t recognize the world you’re describing.
Alec: This is so embarrassing, but we also had a Chester the cheetah idea.
Cecily: No, that’s okay. Go ahead.[Aidy turns on music]
Alec: We open on Chester the cheetah. He has gauze around his chest where his new breasts are.
Aidy: Chester now identifies as Danielle the cheetah.
Alec: One of her cheetah friends enter the room. She is scared she will be judged.
Aidy: But the friend cheetah looks at Danielle and she simply says, “You’re beautiful.”
Alec: Hard cut. Cheetos.[Cecily and Alex have tears in their eyes]
Cecily: [breaking voice] Wow! I am absolutely starving for a Cheeto right now.
Melissa: Wait, you like that?
Cecily: Yes. It shines a light on transgender issues.
Kyle: But it’s a cartoon cheetah. It just kind of feels like you’re using that issue to sell Cheetos.
Cecily: No! Not true. We care about that issue because there is a guy in our office whose son is transgender. Oh wait. [asking Alex] Is he trans or adopted?
Cecily: That’s right. Coz we don’t know anyone trans, right? And that is the problem.
Aidy: You know, we have one more pitch if there’s time.
Alex: By all means.[music playing]
Alec: We open on real people. No actors, no make up, no lines, no lights, no props, no costumes, no cameras, no Cheetos. Hard cut.
Aidy: Cheetos![Cecily and Alex are clapping]
Cecily: I am– I am– I can’t. That’s incredible.
Kyle: Okay. Okay. I think we get it now. We know just what you’re looking for.
Melissa: Absolutely. [Kyle turns on music] We open on the Twin Towers.
Cecily and Alex: No! No!