Tina Fey[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin Jost: Now, losing nude photos from Playboy is quite a cultural shift for America. Here to comment on that cultural shift, Tina Fey.[Tina Fey slides in] [cheers and applause] [Cut to Tina Fey]
Tina Fey: Yes, Playboy magazine has announced that they will stop publishing naked photos early next year. Dashing the dreams of many beautiful young women who had hoped to one day move to Los Angeles and then just by changing every single aspect of her appearance, maybe become Miss February, and then work her way up the company ladder until one day she gets invited to have an early bird fake five way with 100 year old sex monster.
But you know what really killed Playboy, Colin? The internet. The internet cut out the middleman. We don’t need an old man anymore to choose which one of us gets to sell picture of our boobs. We can all sell our boobs now. It’s the sharing economy. Okay? It’s Airbnb for crotch shots. I have my own for profit porn site. You ever hear of um, Overstock.com?[Cut to Colin Jost and Tina Fey]
Colin Jost: Yep. Heard of that.
Tina Fey: Well, that name was taken. [Cut to Tina Fey] So, mine is called www.milf.org. Moms I like to be friends with, and it’s .org Colin coz it’s for your org.[Cut to Tina Fey and Colin Jost. Colin Jost is laughing.]
Now, my porn website [Cut to Tina Fey] is all arm butts. Check this out. [Camera zooms to Tina Fey’s closed elbow]
Yeah, you like that? Give me your credit card number. Get in there, Colin. Get in there.[Cut to Tina Fey and Colin Jost. Colin Jost puts his finger there]
It’s not gonna hurt.
Colin Jost: I don’t think this is right.
Tina Fey: This is our future, Colin. This is our economic independence. [Cut to Tina Fey] Girls need to learn coding and arm butts. Which isn’t to say that I’m not sentimental about the end of Playboy’s center folds. There’s always a certain amount of nostalgia when you come to the end of an era. And for me personally, it means that my dream of posing for Playboy will never come true. It’s something I’ve dreamed of since I was a little girl. I’ve dreamed of doing all the poses. I was gonna do this one.[Tina Fey puts one hand on her breast and finger of another hand in her mouth.] [Tina Fey climbs on the table and poses]
I was gonna do this one in just a half Eagle’s jersey in tube socks.[Tina Fey raises her one leg and poses]
And I was gonna do this one in a Bella Hay.
Colin Jost: I don’t know if I know where to look.
Tina Fey: I think you do, Colin. We gotta get going though coz last time I did this long, a baby came out.
Colin Jost: Tina Fey, everyone![Tina Fey gets off the table and runs towards the audience]