Michael Che[Starts with Colin Jost in his news set. There’s a picture of a boy.]
Colin Jost: A new study finds that the average child throws a tantrum four times a week, weeknights on Fox.[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Rupert Murdoch and Anne Leslie Smith.]
Michael Che: Rupert Murdoch’s engagement to Anne Leslie Smith has been called off apparently. She got cold feet after Murdoch passed his physical.[Picture changes to Pope Francis]
In a new documentary, Pope Francis praises the virtues of sex calling it one of the beautiful things that God has given to the human person. Not the way I do it. Am I right, Colin?[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of an article that says “Woman goes on 34 dates in 20 countries”.]
Colin Jost: No. I hope not. I don’t know. A woman has been traveling the world since she’s gone on 34 first dates in nearly 20 countries. Her secret? She’s being sex trafficked.
A new app called “Greether” is designed to help women travel alone safely by providing people to greet them when they arrive at airports or hotels. And it’s being used for murder.[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of an article that says “YouTube pranker shot”.]
Michael Che: A Virginia man who pranks people for YouTube videos was shot while tricking someone in a mall. Good.[Picture changes to a Vogue magazine]
A 106 year old woman in the Philippines has become the oldest Vogue cover model ever beating the previous record of 29.[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of a guy with Hitler mustache.]
Michael Che: A Jeopardy contestant this week was forced to quit social media after people said his mustache looks like Hitler’s. The contestant said he’s so mad, he’s had it up to here. [raising his hand like Hitler salute] [Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of astronauts. Three are white and one is black.]
Michael Che: NASA has named the four astronauts it will send on the Artemis II mission to the moon, and if things go wrong, I think I know who’s dying first. [Audience awwing] What? He could do the Hitler salute?