Preparation H Advanced Gel

Jon Rudnitsky

Taran Killam

Kate McKinnon

Beck Bennett

[Starts with two couples waiting for their table in a restaurant] [Jon walks in]

Jon: Please follow me. Your table is ready.

[As everyone walk towards the table, Ron stops.]

Kate: You coming?

Ron: I’ll be there in a second. You go on ahead.

Kate: Okay.

[Beck is looking Ron from behind]

Beck: Hey, man. Hurts to sit down?

Ron: Ah, yeah.

Beck: Burns?

Ron: Yeah.

Beck: You need to try this.

[Beck gives Ron a small package of gel]

It’s a Preparation H Advanced Gel for fast acting relief.

Ron: And this stuff works?

Beck: Yeah. It works.

Male voice: Preparation H Advanced Gel offers maximum strength solutions fo all hemorrhoid symptoms. Don’t let pain stop you from being

[Cut to the two couple enjoying their meal at the table]

Ron: So I loosen my tie, and now I am dancing with the mother of the bride.

[Everyone laughs] [Beck walks in]

Beck: Hey, man. Did that stuff I gave you help your butt?

Ron: Excuse me?

Beck: The hemorrhoid cream I gave you at the bar. Did it end up helping your butt?

Ron: [whispering] What are you doing?

Beck: Your butt was on fire when we met.

[Beck walks away]

Male voice: Preparation H Advanced Gel. Because you’re on the move and in the groove.

[Cut to Ron and Kate dancing]

Kate: What’s got into you? I’ve never seen you dance before.

Ron: Well, you better get used to it coz I have a feeling I’m gonna be dancing a whole lot more from now on.

[Ron looks at the camera and winks] [Beck walks in]

Beck: Hey, I’ve been looking all over for you. You need any more ass cream?

[Ron’s friends stop dancing and are looking at Ron]

Ron: Dude, honestly get away from me.

Beck: I gave you a hot tip and you pretend like you don’t even know me? I saved your bacon, man! [Ron’s friends are looking at them and they are confused] Yeah Ron Head hemorrhoid problem, I do too. Bad. [Beck looks at the camera] That’s why I told Ron about Preparation H. [smiles]

Male voice: Preparation H, the re–

[Cut to Beck]

Beck: Hey, Ron, come with me. I gotta put more cream on.

Ron: What?

Beck: I need you to stand in front of the bathroom door. There’s no lock on the door and a girl just walked in on me laying down on the ground with her legs over my head creaming up.

Ron: I am not doing that.

Beck: You’re my best friend.

Male voice: Preparation H. Hemorrhoids fade, friends are forever.

[Beck pulls Ron to the toilet]

Beck: Come on. Stop crapping around.