Colin Jost
Michael Che
[Starts with Colin Jost in his news et. There’s a picture of Adele at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: A man surprised his girlfriend by bringing you’re on stage to propose to her during an Adele concert. Then they sat down and listened to an hour of songs about divorce.
[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Lethal Weapon poster at right top corner.]
Michael Che: Mel Gibson is reportedly in talks to direct a new Lethal Weapon movie but if you want to see a broken down black guy team up with a handsome racist, just watch Weekend Update.
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Frida Kahlo painting at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: Thanks. Thanks.I wasn’t addressed. Anyway, a self Portrait by Frida Kahlo was sold at auction for the record some of $34 million. A price that definitely raised some eyebrows.
[Picture changes to an article that says “Professor: not immoral for adults to be attracted to children”.]
A professor at a college in Virginia is being criticized after saying that it is not immoral for adults to be sexually attracted to children. Find out why and his new book – “Wait, hold on! Hear me out…”
[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of bees at right top corner.]
Michael Che: New research shows that before honey bees are killed by murder Hornets, they scream a rally cry to other bees… who sadly just film the attack on their phones.
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Disneyland logo at left top corner.]
It’s not real, guys.
Colin Jost: Bees. It was announced that for the first time ever, Disney parks will feature black Santa Clauses. Unfortunately, as part of the villains parade.
[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Queen Elizabeth at right top corner.]
Michael Che: Royal experts are saying that Queen Elizabeth’s health has entered a different phase and the public may not see her until February. So, you know what that means. New titties!
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of moon at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: This week the US experienced the longest partial lunar eclipse in nearly 600 years. Scientists say the Eclipse began when yo mama got on the trampoline.