Tag: Reese

Weekend Update- LSU’s Angel Reese on Her White House Invitation

Angel Reese… Punkie Johnson

Michael Che

[Starts with Michael Che in his set]

Michael Che: There was controversy this week. When LSU basketball star Angel Reese refused an invitation to the White House to celebrate her team’s national championship. But now she has decided to go. So here to comment is Angel Reese.

[Angel Reese slides in] [cheers and applause]

Angel Reese: Yeah, the Bayou Barbie is in the building. Louisiana, stand tall.

Michael Che: Well Angel, you had quite a week.

Angel Reese: Yeah. I got people big mad. First they were mad because I was taunting. But all I did was this. You would have thought I pulled my nipple out and flicked it on national TV. Then they were mad because I didn’t want to go to the White House. But Che, they invited Iowa.

Michael Che: But they lost.

Angel Reese: Exactly. In the history of sports, when you lose you take your ass home. But then white girls lose. And suddenly it’s all teams matter.

Michael Che: Well, I’m glad you changed your mind. That’d be pretty cool.

Angel Reese: Yeah, it’ll be cool for them. I’m a big deal now, Che. Since college players get endorsements now, ‘m about to cash in. And my brand works for anything. How this sounds, Che? “Degree deodorant. Y’all stank.”

Michael Che: It seems aggressive.

Angel Reese: Okay, how about this one? “Garden Gnomes. Man, get yo little ass out my face.”

Michael Che: That’s a commercial for Garden Gnomes?

Angel Reese: Yeah. If the money right. Now, here’s my favorite. “Big ass eyelashes. Empowering women ballers and snuffleupacus since Angel Reese97Michael Che.”

Michael Che: Well Angel, I’m glad that you’re enjoying the moment.

Angel Reese: Yeah, I am. Look, last week women’s sports was boring. Now all you’re talking about is women’s sports. All this week. Why? Because women is balling right now. Man, I dropped 15 on Iowa. I went hard in the paint. I grabbed about 10 boards without even messing up my eyelashes. The only thing I regret is not getting more buckets. I could have picked that ball up, bounced it off old girl head like I was in the A-one tour. But you know, I was already in foul trouble, so your girl had to chill. And now I’m just sitting back getting all this Baby Gap money.

Michael Che: Why are you endorsed by Baby Gap?

Angel Reese: Because all these bitches is my son.

Michael Che: Angel Reese, everybody.

Angel Reese: You can’t see me. We going back to back. Angel Reese.

Roadside Museum – SNL

Heidi Gardner

Kyle Mooney

Joanne Batting … Cecily STrong

Reese … Woody Harrelson

Linette … Aidy Bryant

P Ryan … Mikey Day

Huntington Booth … Kenan Thompson

[Starts with Sun’s Out Nevada intro]

Announcer: You’re tuned in to Sun’s Out Nevada. Thank you, guys.

[Cut to Heidi Gardner and Kyle Mooney in their set]

Heidi Gardner: Welcome back. Weather and traffic are just ahead. Spoiler alert – there’s neither.

Kyle Mooney: And later, author Dav Pilkey joins us to chat about his new children’s book, “Captain Underpants: Rise of Hershey Squirt”. Excited to pick his brain.

Heidi Gardner: But first, time for “Jo on the Go” with our roving reporter Joanne Batting who live on interstate 15 with her yummiest scoop yet.

[Cut to Joanne Batting]

Joanne Batting: Thanks, guys. Well, in between Los Angeles and Las Vegas, a new attraction will offer road trippers a cheesy photo op. The world’s biggest Cheeto Museum has it’s grand opening today. And I am here now with the proud owners, the hotter family.

[Hotter family joins Joanne Batting]

Reese, Linette, and their son P Ryan. Congrats on your big day. Now Reese, you first had the idea for all this five years ago. How does it feel to look at that gigantic Cheeto today? Besides hungry.

[Reese laughing]

Reese: Well, you’re quick. That’s why you’re on TV and I own the Cheeto. Anyway, it’s a dream come true. It took a lot of work. And our entire savings to buy the Cheeto and build the museum. But today I think it’s safe to say it was worth it. Right, sweetheart?

Linette: Sure.

Joanne Batting: Lynette, are you as excited as your husband?

Linette: No.

Joanne Batting: Now, P. Ryan, I got to ask. How do you keep from eating this thing?

P Ryan: I actually get that question a lot. And I always say, you know, I wonder if they ask people who work at the Louvre if they want to eat the Mona Lisa. You know?

Joanne Batting: Well, no, because it’s a painting and not a giant Cheeto.

P Ryan: Right. Yeah. But it’s kind of the same thing.

Joanne Batting: It’s not. But later on, the Cheeto will be measured by this judge [Huntington Booth joins Joanne Batting] from the Guinness book of world records, Mr. Huntington Booth.

Huntington Booth: Dr. Huntington Booth. And I must say this Cheeto is spectacular. I once saw a 40 foot hot dog that took my breath away. And I am getting a very similar feeling from Cheeto.

Joanne Batting: Exciting stuff. Okay, we’ll see you soon for the official measurement, Mr. Booth.

Huntington Booth: Dr. Booth.

[Huntington Booth storms out]

Joanne Batting: Well, it’s almost 9 o’clock. Is it time to officially open the museum for the fist time?

Reese: It sure is. Oh, boy. Son, you want to turn on the fan?

P Ryan: Yes. All right. Fans are on, dad.

Reese: Ladies and germs, the world’s biggest Cheeto museum is officially open for business. God bless you, Cheeto. I love you. Whoo!

[The giant cheeto bursts out because it fell into the fan] [The screen is smoky because of cheetos dust] [Cut to Heidi and Kyle]

Kyle Mooney: Uh, a little hiccup over at the world’s biggest Cheeto museum.

Heidi Gardner: Everything okay there, Joe?

[Cut to Joanne and Hotter family]

Joanne Batting: Yeah, everyone’s okay. Except for the cheeto which fell into the fan. Well, we were supposed to take the Guinness world record measurement here. That still happening?

[Moving to Huntington Booth]

Huntington Booth: No.

Joanne Batting: Right! Well, not the best grand opening. How you doing Reese?

Reese: Bad.

Joanne Batting: Mm-hmm. Do you have any sort of backup plan?

Reese: No, we were all in the Cheeto.

P Ryan: I just want to say that all new businesses go through growing pains and I actually think this Cheeto can be fixed.

Joanne Batting: Well, it can’t.

P Ryan: I still think people will come on down.

Joanne Batting: They will not. Now, Lynette, what’s next for you?

Linette: Divorce.

Joanne Batting: Makes sense. I would do the same. We’ll be right back.

[Ends with Sun’s Out Nevada outro]