Donald… Regé-Jean Page
Mr. Foster… Beck Bennett[Starts with Donald getting in for the interview]
PA: [opening the door] You can go right in.
Mr. Foster: Hey there, you must be Donald.
Donald: Honor to meet you, Mr. Foster.
Mr. Foster: Please. Mr. Foster was my father. Call me Mr. Foster Jr.
Donald: I have to say, in person job interviews, pretty rare these days.
Mr. Foster: Well, here at Mix Marshall Media, we don’t exactly play by the rules. but I’m sure you’re aware of that.
Donald: Yes. I was very intrigued by the company. I’ve never heard of ad agency that works on spec. So, you make ads for companies that didn’t hire you to make ads?
Mr. Foster: That’s right. Sounds like a terrible business model, but trust me, business is booming.[PA runs in with a note. The note says, “We’re losing millions”.]
So, I take you’ve seen some of our work? What are some of your favorites?
Donald: Well, the ones on your wall are all classics. “Charmin, use after you poop.”
Mr. Foster: Yeah, they passed on that.
Donald: “Lego, bet you can’t eat just one.”
Mr. Foster: That was a pass that later became a lawsuit.
Donald: And “Doritos 4D, open wide.”
Mr. Foster: [whispering] 4D is a D.
Donald: And I can’t help but notice, it’s not your only ad to feature a penis.
Mr. Foster: Unfortunately, we had to blur them to stand.
Donald: Oh, so they did air on TV?
Mr. Foster: Oh, no. For courtroom standards. For the lawsuits.[Pa runs in with a note. The note says, “They have your daughter”.]
Donald: Your website also says you invent mascots for companies?
Mr. Foster: That’s correct. You know how our Planters had Mr. Peanut? Well, we approached Maxwell House coffee about creating Mrs. Maxwell.
Donald: And you chose Ghislaine Maxwell? The associate of Jeffery Abstein?
Mr. Foster: That’s what Maxwell House said. Well, they yelled at our lawyer.[PA runs in with a note. The note says, “Your mom is topless in the lobby”.
Tell me, why do you think you’re MMM material? Sorry, I stuttered. Material.
Donald: Well, I worked for six years at BBDO.
Mr. Foster: Ah! That’s a great firm.
Donald: No. BBDO, the dating app. Big Beautiful Dongs Only.
Mr. Foster: Oh. That’s a great app.
Donald: And then I saw that you guys were looking for a new art director and I thought, “Well, what’s the harm in applying?”[PA runs in with a note, this time for Donald. The note says, “Hi.”]
Mr. Foster: Did you bring your portfolio?
Donald: I did.[showing his portfolio]
Mr. Foster: [reading] “UPS, go fetch.” And he’s throwing the package into the ocean?
Donald: Yeah. That’s why it gives you the sense the package is going all around the world.
Mr. Foster: And I like how the waves are going in the wrong direction.
Donald: [showing different picture] Here’s another one. The all new Chevy Bolt.
Mr. Foster: [reading] “Move over, Usain Bold. There’s a new Bolt in town.” And the car’s running over you saying “Bolt”.
Donald: Yeah. Cuts him in half, then it laughs. That’s what the “Ha-ha-ha” is.
Mr. Foster: Right. I love that detail. And I’m guessing so will Chevy.
Donald: And here’s one for eBay. [showing another picture] And again, some of the art is temp.
Mr. Foster: [reading] “eBay, too bad you can’t sell women on this site… or can you?” And then there’s a lightbulb.
Donald: To show that it’s a great idea.
Mr. Foster: Well, you’ve given us a lot to think about. And by us, I mean me. And by a lot, I mean a little. Say, that’s that last drawing you’ve got in there?[Donald covers the drawing]
Donald: Oh, it’s nothing.
Mr. Foster: Oh, come on. Let me see it.
Donald: [intense voice] I said, it’s nothing.
Mr. Foster: [intense voice] And I said, let me see it.
Donald: You know what? I think I got something else I’d rather show you. [puts his hand inside his jacket pocket]
Mr. Foster: So do I.[they both pull out a sponge stick and start hitting each other] [PA runs in]
PA: Stop it, you’ll kill each other.
Mr. Foster: Not bad.
Donald: Yeah, not bad yourself. You know what? I think you’ve earned this. [showing the last drawing]
Mr. Foster: [looking at the drawing] It’s an ad for Netflix. It’s perfect.
Donald: Yeah, I know. And now, I think my work here is done.[Donald puts on his had, then disappears.]
PA: He took my hat.
Mr. Foster: Forget about your hat. Get Kevin Netflix on the phone and tell him I’m about to save his company.[cut to the ad]
Male voice: Netflix, we have porn now.