James Franco
Dave Franco
Mandy… Heidi Gardner
[Starts with James Franco in veranda]
James Franco: I’ll be in a minute mom. I’m just finishing up a call. [talking on the phone] Yeah, sorry. Um, my mom’s doing a whole thing. Yeah, Franco family reunion for, yeah, the holidays. Yeah, a lot of people I haven’t seen forever. Anyway, I’ll catch up with you later. Okay? Alright, bye.
[Mandy walks in from the gate. She is dressed like a boy and she looks sick.]
Mandy: James? Little Jamie?
James Franco: Yeah? I’m sorry. Who are you?
Mandy: It’s me, your cousin.
James Franco: Wow, wait a second. Mandy?
Mandy: Yeah, Mandy. Pretty Mandy.
James Franco: Oh, my god! Hi. Wow! How long has it been? Like, 20 years?
Mandy: Yeah, man. We got a lot of catching up to do. So, do you still go swimming?
James Franco: Yeah. I still swim sometimes.
Mandy: Yeah? And do you still eat candy?
James Franco: Yeah. I eat candy.
Mandy: Yeah? Good for you, man. Yeah. You know what? Man, I’m not gonna be there on the bus. I’ve been wanting to ask you something.
James Franco: Okay. [James Franco is reaching for his wallet] I think I know what you’re gonna ask.
Mandy: Do you need help?
James Franco: What? What?
Mandy: Do you need help? Because I heard the movie you got coming out is supposed to be a bad movie.
James Franco: The Disaster Artist?
Mandy: Yeah.
James Franco: Oh, no. It’s based on a guy who made a bad movie. Yeah.
Mandy: Okay. Little Jamie, whatever you say. But remember when you used to make good movies? Like, with the apes? Come on, man! Let me help you.
James Franco: No. Really. I’m good. I’m good. What about you? How have you been?
Mandy: Me? Really good. In October, I hit the bullseye.
James Franco: A bullseye? Like, in darts?
Mandy: Yeah, man. I was the only person at quickies to hit a bullseye that day. Yeah. They named a drink after me. A pretty Mandy.
James Franco: What was in it?
Mandy: Gin.
James Franco: What else?
Mandy: A straw. Man, don’t try to change the subject, man! Come on! Just let me help.
James Franco: No. I’m telling you, I’m doing great. My movie which a lot of people are saying they like, it comes out around Christmas.
Mandy: Oh, yeah, sure. Like that North Korea film.
James Franco: The Interview.
Mandy: Yeah, right. Your movie. Man, I told my friends Cliff and Paige that my cousin has a movie coming out, and we all went to get tickets and they said it was cancelled. You embarrassed me, man.
James Franco: It wasn’t my fault. The theaters refused to show it. I–
Mandy: It was so bad, they refused to show it?
James Franco: No. No. They still released on crackle.com.
Mandy: Crackle.com? So, zero people saw it? You know what? I can say you’re getting defensive. So, let’s stop it, man. So, are you still brothers with Dave?
James Franco: Yeah, he’s still my brother. He’s right inside. Why?
Mandy: Well, you know, my brother Gary don’t talk to me no more.
James Franco: Oh, what happened there?
Mandy: Well, I got too big for him when I hit that bull–
James Franco: The bullseye.
Mandy: Bullseye. Yeah, man. He got jealous. But you know, I think it’s cool that you have not done enough to get Dave jealous of you. Oh, come on! Just let me help you out. Man, what do you need? [Mandy opens her fanny pack] You need money?
James Franco: No.
Mandy: You need the dart that hit the bullseye?
James Franco: No. I don’t need any help. I have a very successful career. I was nominated for an Oscar.
Mandy: Yeah, but you lost. You did, man. You lost the Oscar. Well, you know what? You should fire your agents, get with Dave’s.
James Franco: Alright, you know what? I’m gonna go inside and help my mom, alright? But congrats on that bullseye, alright?
Mandy: Peace!
[James Franco walks in and Dave Franco walks out. He looks at Mandy and gets really happy.]
Dave Franco: Mandy? Pretty Mandy.
Mandy: Dave! Little Davy!
Dave Franco: Wow! You are still smoking hot. Good for you.
Mandy: When you got it, you got it! Hey, you don’t know if James needed any help, right?
Dave Franco: Oh, yeah, yeah. You don’t need to worry about that. Let me worry about that, okay? And by the way, did I hear that you hit a bullseye? How?
Mandy: I threw the dart!
Dave Franco: Ah!