Joan Rivers

Sasheer Zamata

Ms. Joan Rivers… Sarah Silverman

Richard Pryor… Jay Pharoah

Steve Jobs… Kyle Mooney

Elizabeth Taylor… Cecily Strong

Ben Franklin… Bobby Moynihan

Freddie Mercury… Adam Levine

Lucille Ball… Kate McKinnon

[Starts with a clip of the clouds.]

Sasheer: Attention everyone. [Cut to celestial stage. Sasheer is standing in the middle.] I have some big news. [Cut to Sasheer] We’ve just received the word that one of the greats has joined us here on this celestial stage. Ladies and gentlemen of heaven, please welcome Ms. Joan Rivers.

[Cut to the celestial stage. Everyone is clapping.] [Ms. Joan Rivers walks in to the middle]

Ms. Joan Rivers: Thank you, thank you. Oh, hello, hello, hello, hello. Heaven, are you serious? I guess maybe I should be here. I’m practically a virgin. Last time someone was inside me, it was Malissa. [Cut to Ms. Joan Rivers, Richard Pryor and Steve Jobs] You know what I’m talking about, uh! Oh! my old friend, Richard Pryor.

[Cut to Richard Pryor]

Richard Pryor: Now, this lady don’t hold nothing back, y’all know what I’m saying?

[Cut to Ms. Joan Rivers and Richard Pryor]

Ms. Joan Rivers: Richard, you could never keep it in your pants. I don’t wanna say Richard fooled around. But the longest relationship we ever had was with multiple sclerosis. [Cut to everybody. Everyone is laughing] Oh! Grow up!

[Cut to Richard Pryor]

Richard Pryor: God damn! Okay, y’all laughing at that? Huh? Y’all can kiss ass.

[Cut to everybody]

Ms. Joan Rivers: So many incredible people here. Steve Jobs is here. [Cut to Steve Jobs] Uh! [Cut to Ms. Joan Rivers] Steve, I hope you are forced to buy a new and better casket every six months so you can see how we feel, am I right?

So many beautiful people are here. My gorgeous friend Elizabeth Taylor. [Cut to Elizabeth Taylor] What a legend. You look so young Liz. [cut to Ms. Joan Rivers] Thank god, Liz. Who did you go down on to get up here? Oh, yeah, that’s right. Everybody.

[Cut to everybody. Everyone is laughing.]

Ms. Joan Rivers: Look at there. I’m killing with Ben Franklin over here.

[Cut to Ben Franklin laughing.] [Cut to everybody]

Hey, Ben! Where did you get that outfit? Forever SasheerFreddie MercuryMs. Joan RiversSasheer? Oh, come on! Ben loves me. Hey, Ben! Something tells me that those bifocals aren’t the only thing bi about you.

[Cut to Ben Franklin laughing hard.]

Ben Franklin: I don’t know what that means.

[Cut to Ms. Joan Rivers]

Ms. Joan Rivers: Speaking of bi, I see you Freddie Mercury. [Cut to Freddie Mercury on his yellow flashy jacket.] You’re so skinny with that hugs mustache. You look like

a gay broom.

Freddie Mercury: You know, wonderful, darling. Wonderful! Mama-mia, mama-mia.

[Cut to Ms. Joan Rivers]

Ms. Joan Rivers: When Freddie died, people were surprised he was gay. Are you serious? You’re so gay, even your teeth aren’t straight.

[Cut to Ben Franklin laughing hard.]

Ben Franklin: I still don’t understand.

[Cut to Ms. Joan Rivers]

Ms. Joan Rivers: So many greats here. So many. Lucille Ball, you’re comedy legend.

[Cut to Lucille Ball]

Lucille Ball: And?

[Cut to Ms. Joan Rivers]

Ms. Joan Rivers: That scene in the candy factory, wasn’t Lucy hilarious in that? Stuffing chocolate in mouth. You stuff more chocolate down your throat than the Kardashians. It’s just–

[Cut to everybody. Everyone is laughing.]

Oh! Grow up! Grow up!

[Cut to Lucille Ball]

Lucille Ball: Well, I knew what’s –[stops speaking] [Cut to Ms. Joan Rivers]

Ms. Joan Rivers: Listen, people. Comedy is here to make us laugh and to deal with things. So, open the gates. Let me in here. And let’s get this show started. So, thank you. You’re wonderful. Good night.

[Cut to everybody clapping]