Career Day

Mrs. Sellers… Aidy Bryant

Mrs. Tollerson… Cecily Strong

Matthew… Pete Davidson

Luke Null

Robby… Mikey Day

Scott… Chance the Rapper

Gary… Kenan Thompson

Bill… Beck Bennett

[Starts with Mrs. Sellers speaking to the class]

Mrs. Sellers: Well, I would say that there are more fun days than stressful days.

Mrs. Tollerson: Wow. Big hand for Matthew’s mom for telling us about her awesome job as a roller coaster designer for six flags.

Mrs. Sellers: Well, there is one last thing. Matthew, do you want to tell them?

Matthew: Um, my mom got the whole class annual passes to six flags.

Luke: Mrs. Sellers, you just made Matthew the coolest kid in school. Whoo!

[students are celebrating]

Mrs. Tollerson: Wow. Okay. This is a career week first. Roller coaster designing sounds very fun. Are they hiring?

Mrs. Sellers: Well, you need engineering degree.

[Mrs. Sellers walks away]

Mrs. Tollerson: No, that was a joke! Now, let’s bring up Scott and Robby to introduce their dads who are business partners. A double presentation, how fun.

[Robby and Scott walk to the front]

Robby: Well, um, Matthew’s mom is a tough act to follow. Roller coaster designer is very sweet. But I think our dads are up to the challenge. They are general contractors.

Scott: Trust me. It’s a lot cooler than it sounds. So, give it up for our dads, Bill and Gary.

Robby: Yeah.

[Robby and Scott take their seats. Gary and Bill walk to the front.]

Gary: Hello.

Bill: Good morning. Thanks. Gary and I started a company in 1996 called Petrol Works LLC.

Robby: Aw, such a dope name? Right? Petrol Works!

Bill: And we specialize in below ground construction of fuel tanks and flow piping for gas stations.

Scott: Yeap! This is happening.

Robby: Yeah. Pretty cool, right guys?

Gary: So, I guess we’ll kind of just take you through the process from the bid to the construction phase. First, we get contacted by a client such as Chevron.

Scott: Did you say Chevron? I think I speak for the entire class when I say, “Matthew’s mom, you suck!”

Gary: Hey, Scott! Alright. Other clients include Mobil, Exxon and Shell.

Robby: Wait! Mobil, Exxon and Shell? I mean, raise your hand if you just got so excited you blew your butt hole out.

Mrs. Tollerson: Robbie? Language. And boys, I’m glad you are excited, but please let your dads talk.

Bill: Alright. So, when a client wants to build a new service station, we put together a bid, i.e., how much it will cost to build the fuel system.

Robby: Oh my god, I need some water. This is so dope. So dope.

Bill: Some jobs are more complicated than others. We had a job last year where the gas station was built on a hill.

[Robby sprays the water in his mouth on Melissa’s face]

Robby: A hill? That’s so bad ass!

Melissa: Gross!

Bill: Robbie, what are you doing? Knock it off, son!

Gary: And fun fact, petrol works is the first GV firm to use solar powered flow valve switches.

Scott: Solar powered flow valve switches? Status of my jeans, please? Scanning jeans. Your jeans are creamed.

Gary: Hey, stop that porno movie talk stuff now. Alright. Let’s continue, Bill.

Bill: Alright. A big also consists of a field survey, which is my favorite part because it gets us out of the office.

Robby: Ha-ha. And that cool joke makes it official, I want to bang my dad.

Bill: What the hell did you just say, Robbie?

Scott: Sorry, sir, your job is just so cool, you’re making the entire class horny.

Gary: Hey! I don’t know why you going so crazy for our job, but stop it with the weird stuff. What is next, Bill?

Bill: Um, we wanted to show you all a picture from the construction process. This is from a Mobil station job in the North Fullerton.

[Gary holds a picture of the pipe work]

Scott: Oh my god.

Robby: That is the dopest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Oh, I need to lie down. I’m gonna be faint. Oh my god, it’s just too dope, the pipes!

[Robby falls on classroom’s table and breaks it]

Mrs. Tollerson: Robbie?

Bill: Oh, come on, Robby, what the hell are you doing? Get up.

Gary: Hey, Scott Douglas, put your clothes back on right now!

[Scott is only wearing is underwear]

Scott: I can’t. I got so hot. It’s too dope. It’s too dope, dad.

Gary: Okay, Mrs. Tollerson, can I do the honors?

Mrs. Tollerson: Sure, Gary.

Gary: Alright, Robby, Scott, principal’s office right now! Go on.

Bill: Yeah.

[Robby and Scott walk out]

Robby: So dope.

Mrs. Tollerson: Okay, well, thank you Bill and Gary for speaking to us today. Boy, I wish my teaching got kids that excited.

Mrs. Sellers: Well, maybe you’re not just a good teacher.

Mrs. Tollerson: What’s your problem with me?

Robbie

Coach… Beck Bennett

Mikey Day

Alex Moffat

Kyle Mooney

Riley… JJ Watt

Robby… Chris Redd

Mr. Philmore… Kenan Thompson

[Starts with coach prep-talking to the football players]

Coach: Gentlemen, this is the playoffs. Clubs in this not gonna–

[Coach realizes the players are not dressed for the game]

What the hell is going on? Why aren’t you all dressed?

Mikey: Some of us were talking coach, and we think Robbie should dress for the game.

[Robbie is sitting on the bench]

Coach: [laughing] You hit your head to hard in practice son? Robbie’s on the practice squad. This is the playoffs. Roster’s set. Now get dressed.

Mikey: This is Robbie’s dream, coach. [Robbie is looking happy] I know there’s no room in the rosters, so I want Robbie to take my spot.

[Mikey hands over his jersey to the coach] [Alex walks up to Coach]

Alex: Robbie can have my spot too, coach.

[Alex hands over his jersey to the coach too]

Coach: This is what you want?

Alex: Yes, sir.

[Kyle hands over his jersey to the coach too]

Kyle: Robbie deserves it, coach.

Coach: And what about you, Riley?

[Riley stands up]

You want Robbie to take your spot?

Riley: [bleep] No! He [bleep] sucks at football. [Robbie is embarrassed] You guys want Robbie to play in a playoff game? That is crazy! We’re gonna [bleep] lose! He sucks ass! Have you seen him in practice?

[Cut to Robbie sucking at the practice games] [Cut back to the locker room]

He is dog [shit]. I mean, [looking at Robbie] I’m sorry, Robbie, but you’re dog [bleep]. He’s dog [blee].

Mikey: Robbie’s got heart, Riley! [Robbie is looking happy again] It’s gotta count for something.

Riley: He’s [bleep] his pants in practice last week, Stevens. [Robbie is embarrassed] Again! I didn’t even want run at him and hit him this time. All I did was walk over to him and he crumpled into a little ball, he said, “No, no! Not again! It’s coming out. It’s coming.” I mean.

[Robbie had enough]

Robby: You know what? Maybe you don’t believe in Riley.

Riley: I definitely don’t.

Robby: Okay! But, a friend told me something that made me believe in myself. Right, Mr. Philmore?

[Mr. Philmore is a janitor. He is shaking his head.] [Cut to Robby and Mr. Philmore in the past. Robby threw his helmet.]

Mr. Philmore: Yo! What? You mad you didn’t make the team? Huh? Well, listen here. You’re five foot nothing. A hundred and nothing. But damn, if you don’t got passion.

[Cut back to the locker room]

Robby: And he gave me the strength to keep going.

Mr. Philmore: Hold on, coz after that I said.

[Cut to Robby and Mr. Philmore in the past]

Mr. Philmore: Unfortunately, passion don’t mean nothing in this level. This is D-1, son and you’re just too tiny. You’re gonna get your ass stocked. Pan-caked, son!

[Cut back to the locker room]

Robby: Right! But you believed. And that’s what’s important.

Mr. Philmore: No, I’ma stop you right there. I said one more thing and it was…

[Cut to Robby and Mr. Philmore in the past]

Mr. Philmore: And who keep letting you in my office? Stop coming back here, man! It’s weird. We ain’t friends.

[Cut back to the locker room]

Mr. Philmore: That’s how that all went down.

Robby: Enough! Okay? Look, coach, you played here. Someone gave you a shot. That’s all I’m asking for. It’s a shot.

Riley: This is so [bleep] dumb! He doesn’t even know the plays, coach!

Robby: I know the playbook front to back. You call any play, I can run any route right now.

Coach: Alright, Robbie, if you get pass Riley, you can dress for the game.

Mikey: Go, Robbie!

[Robbie is happy and Riley can’t believe this.] [Robby and Riley get ready]

Coach: Alright Robbie, let’s see what you got. Red 7, hud 7.

Robby: Different play, don’t know that one.

Coach: White right on 1!

Robby: Different play.

Coach: Jesus, Robbie. Blue 19 on 3.

Robby: Different play.

Coach: Slat 6 on 2.

Robby: Nope!

Mikey: I’m just gonna take my jersey back.

Coach: Red Devil, on 3.

Robby: Skip!

Coach: Robbie, Angel 6 on 2.

Robby: Got it! What was it though?

Coach: Robbie, Angel 6 on 2.

Robby: I got it, coach!

Coach: Hub, hub.

[Robby runs to Riley. Riley pushes Robby lightly and Robby gets slammed the lockers.]

Mr. Philmore: Dumb ass!

[Riley walks to Robby]

Riley: He’s alright. But I think he might have done another- you know. In his pants.

Robby: I almost did, but hailed it in.

Riley: No, he didn’t.

Coach: Well, that’s it. We got a football game to win, gentlemen!

[all the players cheer and follow the coach]